32 excuses to buy a new gun

This is a discussion on 32 excuses to buy a new gun within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; The following are reasons that I gave my wife for buying a new gun. They worked for me and I bought over 40 new guns ...

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    Senior Member Array Old_Dog's Avatar
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    32 excuses to buy a new gun

    The following are reasons that I gave my wife for buying a new gun. They worked for me and I bought over 40 new guns in the last 4 years with my wife's blessing. Heck, she has no idea which guns I own or that I bought the same model gun many times.


    1. Need to buy –fill in the blank—- gun before they ban it. They are still trying to, you know.
    2. Need a large capacity gun with a rail for home defense to protect you with. Need a light on the gun so I do not shoot you by mistake.
    3. Need more of the above for each room we spend a lot of time in so that in case of a home invasion there is a gun nearby unless you want me to keep a loaded gun on the coffee table while we watch TV. Never know when I will have a Vietnam flashback.
    4. Need a big caliber gun because we occasionally have black bears and coyotes in the area that may eat your precious dogs.
    5. Need a small gun to carry in my pocket when belt carry is not comfortable or practical so when we are out dancing you do not put your arm around me and grab my gun by accident and get startled.
    6. Need a pocket gun with night sights for when we go out at night in case someone is lurking by our car in the lot. Hard to see with you walking in front of me and want to make sure I can put the sights where they belong.
    7. Need a larger gun with night sights for when we go out at night in the city so that I do not accidentally shoot innocent bystanders.
    8. Need a .22 so that we can save money by shooting cheap ammo. You know, like when you come home and tell me you saved $100 by spending $200.
    9. Need a pocket gun in a larger caliber for those times when we go to the big city and run into those large-sized bad guys.
    10. Need another pocket gun so I can carry two when needed because those small guns tend to jam a lot.
    11. Need to buy this gun because they are hard to get and will go up in value so it is an investment in our future.
    12. Need a pocket revolver for when my arthritis is acting up and I cannot rack a slide.
    13. Need a big revolver to carry on my belt for when my arthritis is acting up and I cannot rack a slide.
    14. Need a revolver for home defense for when my arthritis is acting up.
    15. Need a gun designed for target shooting so that I can spend more time out of the house and your hair.
    16. Need a special gun for competition so that I have a fighting chance to win some big prize money.
    17. Need a gun for a different type of competition to double my chances of wining that big prize money.
    18. Need different guns to shoot in different classes in the above competitions to even further my chances to win that big prize money.
    19. Need this gun because it is the gun that James Bond uses and you know how you love James Bond movies.
    20. Need a gun that you can also shoot in case we need to fight together. You can clear the house while I get the shotgun.
    21. Need a dedicated car gun that will shoot through glass and metal and will not make us deaf if shot in the car.
    22. Need a gun with a threaded barrel so I can put a silencer on it and save my hearing so that I no longer will misunderstand what you said.
    23. Need a cowboy gun to round out my collection of guns and is like the toy one I played with as a child. Brings back fond memories.
    24. Need a 1911 to remind me of the one I carried in Vietnam. You know, that time I risked death so that you could go to the mall and movies while I was rotting in a jungle.
    25. Need a Sig as they are the top of the line and carried by our Special Forces and it is my birthday and I served in the Army and deserve one.
    26. Need a Colt pistol because it reminds me of the first Colt we bought when we first got married. Reminds me of when I first started protecting the love of my life.
    27. Need a very small gun for when I am riding my bike. Not much room in those bike shorts you know. Don’t want to give other woman the wrong idea.
    28. Need a gun that I can swap out barrels to change calibers so that I can get two guns in one and save us money.
    29. Need a gun that can use several calibers of ammo (like a .357 or .327) so that I do not have to buy a gun for each caliber which saves us money.
    30. Need a gun just because I want one and it will make me happy and I just bought you a new car.
    31. Need a lot of guns for Zombies. You know how stupid you think I am now; imagine me after the Zombies eat my brain.

    Just had a great idea for reason #32. I need more guns so that I can review them for my blog. Yeah, that should work. YMMV
    The worst thing about growing old is that other men no longer see you as dangerous.

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array WrongRecroom's Avatar
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    Well that just scary .. That my reason too... I will add though ... I need this as it will punch though body armor in case the commies invade ...
    gatorbait51 and DingBat like this.
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    I don't think you convinced her with any of those. You just wore her down with your constant begging to buy more guns that she would do anything to shut you up.
    redmc, DingBat, Sister and 3 others like this.
    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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    I can't imagine #30 not working, although a bit pricey.

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    Just tell her......"I need it.......BECAUSE" she'll ask "because what??" You'll answer .. "Because....Because....just Because" LOL
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    Quote Originally Posted by wyoung View Post
    I can't imagine #30 not working, although a bit pricey.
    Actually, #30 would work for me, but I want a truck to haul home "stuff".
    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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    My wife and I use the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. I buy what guns I want, she buys however many pairs of shoes she wants, and neither tells the other.

    But I do trip over all her shoes and she doesn't see all the guns.
    Retired USAF E-8. Remember: You're being watched!
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... "For What It's Worth" Buffalo Springfield

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    I'm pretty much guilty of laying 15 of those on Mr. FFG: 1,2,4,5,6,8,10,15,16,17,18,20,29,30,31

    #30 works most of the time ...up to the new car part!

    "Need a gun just because I want one and it will make me happy...."

    Nice post!
    Carpe Diem

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    Member Array dhuffman's Avatar
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    I get to try out any new guns my husband buys so I'm allowed to buy any guns that will fit my little hands.

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array Old_Dog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeanlouise View Post
    I don't think you convinced her with any of those. You just wore her down with your constant begging to buy more guns that she would do anything to shut you up.
    Bingo. It takes a woman to know a woman. Plus this is much cheaper than my other hobby where $3K gets you an entry level piece of equipment. :) The one reason that she bought was for me to buy a gun capable of killing a black bear and gator because they do roam around here, as well as coyote, and eat little dogs. :)
    Jeanlouise likes this.
    The worst thing about growing old is that other men no longer see you as dangerous.

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    #11 works for me.

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    My wife is opened minded and has no problem with my purchases. Since we have parity in all things, she's free to buy whatever she wants. good luck
    Don't let the facts cloud your judgement.
    Bad luck has perfect timing Joe "the donster" deBunker
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    Reasons 12, 13 and 14 work real well for me. Funny thing my arthritis is not in my hands. Oh dear if I only had one third of Old Dog's wherewithal I could buy 3 new guns per year. Tho my 1st purchase would be a safe. My next purchase would be groceries and Skol.

    TDLIL.
    StormRhydr likes this.
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    RT
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeanlouise View Post
    Actually, #30 would work for me, but I want a truck to haul home "stuff".
    If by "stuff" you mean more, large, things that you intend to buy, that's going to be worth at least 2 guns.

  16. #15
    Distinguished Member Array DingBat's Avatar
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    first- hilarity. awesome-sauce.

    second - i am so glad my wife wants as many guns as i do.

    third- awesome sauce
    Beans, Bullets, and Bandages. The only thing better than being ready is not having to use it!

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