One more Lawyer Joke and I'm out
This is a discussion on One more Lawyer Joke and I'm out within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; When the most feared mob boss realized that his accountant had been skimming some of the money he was laundering, the boss got mad and ...
January 9th, 2007 01:03 PM
One more Lawyer Joke and I'm out
When the most feared mob boss realized that his accountant had been skimming some of the money he was laundering, the boss got mad and tracked down the accountant. Remembering that the accountant didn't speak English, he brought along one of his lawyers that could translate for the accountant.
The boss demanded to know where the money was, through the translator, the man replied that he didn't know what money he was talking about, now pointing a gun at the head of the accountant, the boss again demanded to know where the money, the translator insisted that he would shoot if the money wasn't given up. The accountant then confesses and says that the money in buried behind the shed at his brothers house. Demanding to know what the accountant said, the mob boss cocks the hammer on the gun, the lawyer translator knowing what kind of man the boss is, calmly replies, "He said you don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
"fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand
January 9th, 2007 01:11 PM
Hmmm, I think I see what's going on here! LOL!
January 9th, 2007 01:35 PM
Just a little friendly greed in play.
One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
In God we trust.
January 9th, 2007 03:01 PM
That's a good one too. What a way to start your morning. :)
The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD
January 9th, 2007 06:23 PM
Here's free advice from an attorney:
"He went on two legs, wore clothes and was a human being, but nevertheless he was in reality a wolf of the Steppes. He had learned a good deal . . . and was a fairly clever fellow. What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life. The cause of this apparently was that at the bottom of his heart he knew all the time (or thought he knew) that he was in reality not a man, but a wolf of the Steppes."
January 9th, 2007 06:57 PM
January 10th, 2007 12:15 AM
You'll feel better after your skin sheds, Ron.
Originally Posted by Ron
January 10th, 2007 02:08 AM
Q: What's wrong with Lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Q: What do you say to a lawyer when you see he's about to get hit by a truck?
And a Shooting related Lawyer joke.........
Q: What do you call five lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
January 10th, 2007 01:52 PM
Sorry to take this a bit OT (away from lawyers) but it relates so good to a true story that my late Father told me.
In WWII my late Father fought his way across Europe (US Army, Infantry) and also served as a cook (he was a good cook, to that I can attest) and translator.
One day he spotted a lone cow in a field and shot it, took it back to their camp and they all ate very well. [They had been eating only the military rations, so ti was a major treat to have real meat.]
The next day or so, a very angry farmer stormed into their HQ and was yelling at their CO. My Father gets called in to translate and the farmer goes berserk, pointing to my Father and yelling about the fact that it was my Father that killed his cow. My Father translates to the CO that the farmer was angry that the Americans had taken over his town, etc. The CO tells my Father to tell the farmer to get out of the HQ and if he is found there again, he will be shot!!
Knowing the mischievous streak that my late Father had, I believe his story!
January 10th, 2007 04:20 PM
"Toilet stolen from local police station....
Police spokesmen say they have nothing to go on."
Thank you folks, I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
January 10th, 2007 08:29 PM
Q: Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey had first choice!
January 10th, 2007 08:39 PM
Q: What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
Q: How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
A: The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
Alternate answer: There are skid marks in front of the Skunk.
Since many Lawyers aspire to become Judges, I will include the following:
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?
A: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 15?
""If I shoot all the ammo I am carrying, I either won't need more or, more won't help me.""
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