should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

This is a discussion on should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; hoping there might be some people familiar in law enforcement here. my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money ...

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Thread: should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

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    New Member Array 1924's Avatar
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    should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

    hoping there might be some people familiar in law enforcement here.

    my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn't feel like the whole family is in jail

    also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn't talk to anyone there.
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    I have spent a fair amount of time in prison and county jail visiting rooms for reasons I won't go into, and under no circumstances would I ever want my children in such places to visit me in the orange suit.
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    I would take her since your wife will need all the support she can get. In my high school sociology class we visited both a men’s and women’s prison, that was enough to convince me that is somewhere I do not want to be. You can also use it as a training scenario to demonstrate there are consequences for actions you may take. Good luck and may she complete her sentence with no problems.
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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    I would take her since your wife will need all the support she can get. In my high school sociology class we visited both a men’s and women’s prison, that was enough to convince me that is somewhere I do not want to be. You can also use it as a training scenario to demonstrate there are consequences for actions you may take. Good luck and may she complete her sentence with no problems.
    you visited a jail in high school? How was that like?
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1924 View Post
    you visited a jail in high school? How was that like?
    It was enough to convince me that that is someplace I did not want to reside. I will admit I did spend one night in jail. We lived in a dry county in Kentucky but my dad and I on occasion did dampen it down a little. One day we went up to Richmond (in a wet county) and picked up a load of beer and whiskey, well on the way back we were sampling some of the wares to insure quality when the car broke down. Here we were on the side of a hill trying to decide if the gas station at the top of the hill or the bottom of the hill was closer to push the car to. While we were trying to make a decision a Sheriff’s Deputy pulled up behind us and after talking to my dad for a few minutes he said y’all are drunk and hauled us off to jail. Spent the night in jail and a friend of my fathers bailed us out the next day, cost a whole $56.
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    I say do it. Let the wife get some face time with her so she knows just how her poor decisions effect her family, and drive home the lesson to your daughter that actions have consequences.
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    Sorry to hear you are having to go through all of this. Sounds hard. My thinking is your wife desperately needs support. You're sill a family and your kids love their mom. Nice to hear you are standing by her.

    I see more and more young people these days that can't seem to make the connection between actions and consequences. This is a good life lesson that what you do will come back to bite you one day.

    My grandfather took me through his jail when I was in the first grade. It made a lasting impression for the good.

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    I would not want my son to come see me in jail and if i really think about it i would want no one to see me there . I would tough it out and get though the 7 months . The county jails are not really to bad just a hang-out where friends catch up . Now i have worked in super-max prisons and they are hard core no second chance in there .

    Good Luck and hopefully she can get her life in order .
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    Senior Member Array revldm's Avatar
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    Since 1985 my ministry has been working in a locale county jail. This is the only jail I have been involved with so I have limited knowledge of prisons in general. From what I have been told the prison I go to is one of the better ones. ( the inmates there would tell you different). Your daughter is at an age that one or two trips to the jail for a visit should not hurt her. I would try to set up a short visit the first time and see how things go. It might help her to see the results of bad decision making. Just my opinion and I could be wrong, but I think a visit from her daughter might also give your wife reason to serve her time as quietly as she can and stay out of trouble. The inmates where I preach always seem to be grateful when they get a visit from their children. While I have not ever been in jail myself two of my sons have spent time behind bars so I do know what it is like to have family in jail. It is hard on everyone.

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    She is old enough to make that decision for herself. I say ask her what she wants to do.
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    If it is acceptable with your daughter then why would that be a problem? Take her to visit her mom if that is what she wants to do.

    Jail is what it is, jail and exposing someone who has not been there could be a deterrent for them if they would ever consider doing stuff to be placed there. There is a show called "scared stiff" I believe where they take kids to jails and prisons and show them the reality of the place.

    The decision is up to you however, if you think it is a bad idea then don't take her to see her mom at the jail. You know what is best in this situation, all we can do is offer our suggestions on how we would handle a situation such as this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by welder516 View Post
    I would not want my son to come see me in jail and if i really think about it i would want no one to see me there . I would tough it out and get though the 7 months . The county jails are not really to bad just a hang-out where friends catch up . Now i have worked in super-max prisons and they are hard core no second chance in there .

    Good Luck and hopefully she can get her life in order .
    Agreed. Jail is no place to see Mom or Dad.
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    Distinguished Member Array VBVAGUY's Avatar
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    I have had both family and friends incarcerated and YES visits help for both the person visiting and the person being visited. I would encourage BOTH of you to visit her. God Bless

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    I have seen a couple of posts where folks said they did not want to be seen in prison. That was not the question. Whether I would want to be seen in prison or not is not important. What is important is what the child wants. If the child wants to see Mom and stay close to her then let her.
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