So Cold.......

This is a discussion on So Cold....... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; It's been so cold this winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets....

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Thread: So Cold.......

  1. #1
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    Array Rock and Glock's Avatar
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    Wink So Cold.......

    It's been so cold this winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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  3. #2
    Member Array Nate's Avatar
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    LOL

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    Member Array Ranger's Avatar
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    When he realizes how much money he's stolen from himself, he'll write the loss off his taxes and the time it takes to do so will be billable to himself.

  5. #4
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    Sad But True...



    I hired one for 4 years...

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  6. #5
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    Now that's cold!
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  7. #6
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    Oh, boy; lawyer bashing time:

    The difference between a dead lawyer on the road and a dead snake? Skid marks in front of the snake.

    (I have been through a very ugly divorce, I have a million lawyer jokes!)
    21 years and 21 days, United States Marine Corps & NRA Life Member since 1972

    "The trouble is with the increasingly widespread problem of idiots prancing around out there confusing their opinions with actual facts." peckman28

  8. #7
    Senior Member Array MR D's Avatar
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    hey... hey.... hey....

    lets keep it civil here

    I had to go back to school this last year, I woke up at exam time to find out it was law school........

    Any way - what do you have when you've got ten thousand lawyers on the bottom of the Ocean?

    (ans- a good start!!) (now I sometimes say - job opportunities)

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array purple88yj's Avatar
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    What is black and brown, and looks good on a lawyer?

    A Rottweiller..


    I too, have been through a somewhat ugly divorce, and was less impressed with my lawyer than hers.

  10. #9
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    I was very impressed by mine. In fact, I had to physically restrain her from kicking my ex's tail after my ex insulted her. I got my dollars worth as it became personal after that. My ex, on the other hand, didn't, but I still had to pay 1/2 of her costs and they were excessive.

    To keep it rolling:

    A Russian, a Spanard and an American were riding together in a train. The Russian opens a bottle of Vodka, takes a shot and throws the rest out the window. After seeing the astonished looks of his companions, he explains by saying that they have lots of Vodka in Russia and after one use they throw the rest away. The Spanard, not to be outdone, opens a bottle of fine wine and does the same. The Russian nods his head approvingly. The American, not knowing what to do, turns to his lawyer and asks "What should I do?" The Lawyer says "Well, I am not sure, but....." The American then picks up his lawyer and tosses him out the window.
    21 years and 21 days, United States Marine Corps & NRA Life Member since 1972

    "The trouble is with the increasingly widespread problem of idiots prancing around out there confusing their opinions with actual facts." peckman28

  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    I was involved in a wrongful death case once where I had to give a deposition.

    The lawyers asked when I first started working and I told them my first paying job was about age ten.

    ALL six lawyers were laughing at me, the lawyer that was questioning me said while he was laughing what you had a newspaper route.

    I responded, "No, was branding, driving, and other wise working cattle.'

    You coul have heard a pin drop for about 45 seconds.

    Ok may be not that funny, but when you can make six lawyers shut up at once it is kinda an accomplishment.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
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    I love lawyer jokes. keep them comming.

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
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    Q: Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

    A: professional courtesy...
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

    If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.

    Matt K.

  14. #13
    Senior Member Array briansmech's Avatar
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    hahah!!

  15. #14
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    Amen Brother, Amen!!
    quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

  16. #15
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    A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.

    "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But there is one condition. I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well -- only double."

    The man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.

    Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But every lawyer in the world has just recieved $20,000,000," the genie said.

    "I've always wanted a Ferrari," the man said. "That's my second wish."

    Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"

    "Well," said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney...

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