Florida Humor

Florida Humor

This is a discussion on Florida Humor within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; You might be a Floridian if... "Down South" means Key West. "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola. You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to ...

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 21

Thread: Florida Humor

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ron8903's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    2,575

    Florida Humor

    You might be a Floridian if...

    "Down South" means Key West.

    "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.

    You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.

    Flip-flops are everyday wear.

    Shoes are for business meetings and church.

    No, wait, flip flops are good for church too.

    Socks are only for bowling.

    Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit.

    Tap water makes you vomit.

    Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

    An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

    You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida.

    You measure distance in minutes.

    You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

    You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

    You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

    All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

    A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

    A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

    Your winter coat is made of denim.

    You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

    You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

    You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas.

    It's not "pop." It's "soda" or "coke."

    Anything under 70 is chilly.

    You've hosted a hurricane party.

    You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.

    You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.

    You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

    You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee.

    You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.

    You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

    Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the NRA and a confederate flag.

    You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.

    You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

    You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

    You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!

    You could swim before you could read.

    You have to drive north to get to The South.

    You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

    Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

    You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.

    You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

    You dread lovebug season.

    You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

    You know what a snowbird is.

    You know why flamingos are pink.

    You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

    You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven't.

    ************************************************** **
    and..... I'll add a few I've picked up over the years -

    Anything north of I-4 is "up north".

    You know which fish was legally ruled to be a bird, because it has a gizzard - and you know how to make that gizzard taste as good as that fish in a smoker.

    You know which tree provides swamp cabbage. yum-yum

    You know that those little bites you felt the other evening in early March were just baby no-seeums (flying teeth), and nothing to worry over yet - they'll get worse as summer progresses.

    You point out the futility of your friend passing out his Momma's recipe for Sour Orange Pie to the folks who were raving about it after the picnic, 'cuz not 1 in 10 of those folks knows where to FIND a sour orange tree from which to get the key ingredient. You, however, know several spots in the Green Swamp where you could shoot a hawg and bring home the sour oranges for marinade from the same hammock.
    "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
    - Sir Winston Churchill


  2. #2
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258
    Damn Good and so very true! I gotta add some of my own:

    -You had Cuban Crack (Cuban espresso) and it doesn't make a dent anymore.
    -You laugh at people drinking Starbucks.
    -You wonder how come is illegal to hunt French-Canadians
    -You can cuss in three languages.
    -You bring your plants & pets inside the house when the temperature drops to 60.
    -A brand new car without AC might be sold for 85% off the sticker price and no interest.....if you can find a fool from up north.
    -You know what platano & rotis are.
    -You explain your out of state friends that high speed chases are rare 'cause the darn state is surrounded by water on three sides and the remaining side is covered by trigger happy cops.
    -You think hurricanes are better that any other natural disaster. At least you get plenty warning.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array ron8903's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    2,575
    Miggy, I love it.
    Keep it coming FL members.
    "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
    - Sir Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array tegemu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Orange Park, Fla.
    Posts
    997
    South Florida is either a hot New York or a cool Havana. In any case us North Floridians are considering cutting all the bridges on I-4 and letting the rest of the state float away.
    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence in their behalf. - George Orwell

  5. #5
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258
    Quote Originally Posted by tegemu View Post
    South Florida is either a hot New York or a cool Havana. In any case us North Floridians are considering cutting all the bridges on I-4 and letting the rest of the state float away.

    You'll probably sink
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  6. #6
    Moderator
    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    45,319
    I do not find these humorous...and I resemble those remarks!

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

    ***********************************
    Certified Glock Armorer
    NRA Life Member[/B]

  7. #7
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258
    Hurricane Supplies list.
    1) Ammo.
    2) Water (1 gallon per day per person for 5 days min.)
    3) Food.
    4) More ammo.
    5) Batteries for all the flashlights & red dots. (D, C, AA, AAA, AAAA C123, etc)
    6) 25 5-gallon cans of gas. Oil for the generator. Empty soda bottles in case we need to make molotov cocktails.
    7) Ammo.
    8) Magazines for the extra ammo.
    9) Ice
    10) "I bought this AK for you Hon. It is your SHTF weapon. And the J-Frame also. I got a good price for both!"
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    2,375
    You guys sure got us florida guys peged

  9. #9
    Member Array GarySlinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Tampa, FL
    Posts
    96
    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    Hurricane Supplies list.
    1) Ammo.
    2) Water (1 gallon per day per person for 5 days min.)
    3) Food.
    4) More ammo.
    5) Batteries for all the flashlights & red dots. (D, C, AA, AAA, AAAA C123, etc)
    6) 25 5-gallon cans of gas. Oil for the generator. Empty soda bottles in case we need to make molotov cocktails.
    7) Ammo.
    8) Magazines for the extra ammo.
    9) Ice
    10) "I bought this AK for you Hon. It is your SHTF weapon. And the J-Frame also. I got a good price for both!"
    re. #1 - I made that comment in a CERT class recently. First thing in my hurricane bag is 500 rounds.

    They thought I was joking... :)

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array ELCruisr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    2,073
    Years ago in the Keys we had a bumper sticker that said "Now that you've seen the Florida Keys, GO HOME!"
    If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. ~ Thomas J. Watson, Jr.

  11. #11
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258

    What floridians see in every canadian vehicle.

    Note: Really, we don't hate canadians... really.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  12. #12
    Administrator
    Array SIXTO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    20,185
    This thread is making me miss Florida.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  13. #13
    Senior Member Array BruceGibson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Northwest Florida
    Posts
    938
    Y'all nailed it. That's home.

  14. #14
    VIP Member Array sgtD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    2,292
    If you were born and raised here, the transplants assume your from Texas because of your accent.

    When you tell them you were BORN in FL, their reaction is utter shock, because they all think there was no one here before they came and no one else should have been allowed in once they arrived because now it's getting too crowded.
    When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts & minds will follow. Semper Fi.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Array BruceGibson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Northwest Florida
    Posts
    938
    That's right...a local? What's that?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Florida Open Carry holds events across Central Florida - Examiner.com
    By StogieC in forum Open Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: October 13th, 2010, 12:15 PM
  2. Not humor!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    By Free American in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: February 24th, 2009, 05:59 PM
  3. One Florida City Calls for a State Split: North Florida and South Florida
    By deadeye72 in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: May 7th, 2008, 09:47 PM
  4. Attention Florida CWFL Holders - serious conflict in the Florida Statutes
    By MattInFla in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: October 26th, 2006, 01:44 PM

Search tags for this page

florida humor

,
north florida humor
,
south florida humor
,
south florida is weird
Click on a term to search for related topics.