March 22nd, 2007 03:05 PM
Actual Hospital Chart Entrys...
some scary stuff....
1. she has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 years old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
22. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
March 22nd, 2007 03:46 PM
March 22nd, 2007 03:58 PM
# 18 makes me shiver all over! Ouch it hurts!
March 22nd, 2007 04:09 PM
Its all guess work in a white coat.
When the dust settles only the prepared will survive.
NRA LIFE MEMBER
remember the only thing common about common sense is that its not that common
Shoot low boys their riding Shetland ponies.
March 22nd, 2007 04:11 PM
If you ever go to a party of Doctors, Nurses, Hospital techs, you will never want to be put in a hospital. I know because I was married to a Respitory Therapist for 12 years. I avoid all types of medical practitioners as much as I can. I wish I could find a Medical expert instead of some one who is still practising to be one.
March 22nd, 2007 06:49 PM
March 22nd, 2007 08:10 PM
TRAUMA SURGEON: "hey buddy...Need you to be still for a sec OK? I have to do a quick rectal exam...
DRUNK TRAUMA PATIENT: "Make it quick...Go ahead!"
DRUNK TRAUMA PATIENT: "OWWWWWWW! What the f--k are you doin' up there?!?!?
TRAUMA SURGEON: "Sir, ya gotta relax, I just have to feel around up there"
DRUNK TRAUMA PATIENT: "What the hell for, a PARKING SPACE?!"
March 22nd, 2007 09:40 PM
Those are funny. There's nothing like the nuances of the English language...especially when they come from (theoretically) smart people.
The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD
March 22nd, 2007 09:50 PM
lol,...that stuff happens all the time. One of the docs I work with was so tired when he was dictating, he dictated his grocery list for the fourth of july party he was planning. Medical transcripton made a copy of it, and posted it above his desk.
March 23rd, 2007 08:09 AM
Every day in EMS is a day I trust Doctors, nurses and hospitals less and less.
EMS charting relies on abbreviations:
TSTL: Too Stupid To Live
CTD: Circling The Drain
SOB: Short Of Breath
DRT: Dead Right There
LOLINADS: Little Old Lady In "No Apparent Distress Syndrome"
"Q" sign: Mouth open, tongue hanging out
EMS: Earn Money Sleeping / Extra Marital Sex
ECU: Eternal Care Unit
CCFCP: Coo-Coo For Cocoa Puffs
There are others, but my memory is limited...
"Each worker carried his sword strapped to his side." Nehemiah 4:18
Guns Save Lives. Paramedics Save Lives. But...
Paramedics With Guns Scare People!
March 24th, 2007 12:31 PM
Originally Posted by paramedic70002
Ahh, the sick sense of humor of our medical community.
Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.
March 24th, 2007 01:57 PM
I had a hernia repaired in '91 at the local hospital. When the bill arrived I was charged for, among other things, labor and delivery. So I called the billing office and asked "What EXACTLY did the surgeon do to me?! Can you at least tell me if I had a boy or a girl?" You should'a heard the lady on the other end stammer!
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