Quotes from the Patrol Car Voice Recorder

Quotes from the Patrol Car Voice Recorder

This is a discussion on Quotes from the Patrol Car Voice Recorder within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: #16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the ...

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Thread: Quotes from the Patrol Car Voice Recorder

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array tex45acp's Avatar
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    Quotes from the Patrol Car Voice Recorder

    These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

    #16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

    #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

    # 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    #12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

    #11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

    #10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

    #9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

    #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    #4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

    #3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

    #2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here please."
    The only thing needed for evil to exist is for good men to stand by and do nothing!!!


  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    And here I was thinking that police officers had no sense of humor.

    I like all of those.

    I'm going to try to find some way to work those punch lines into my daily conversations...
    "...bad decisions that turn out well often make heroes."


    Gary D. Mitchell, A Sniper's Journey: The Truth About the Man and the Rifle, P. 103, NAL Caliber books, 2006, 1st Ed.

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Gotta love it. Kudos to LEO's everywhere. Theirs is a tough job any way you slice it.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  4. #4
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    Pretty funny
    A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more peace and content in life than simply being a good husband and father.

  5. #5
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    I know its a matter of public record, but how did you get a hold my my tapes?
    "Just blame Sixto"

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Excellent, LEO'S sensc of humor, under stress, is alive and well.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array downrange's Avatar
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    that's funny as hell! i'd love to hear the response for the mickey mouse question.
    What's this button do?

  8. #8
    Member Array Spionen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by downrange View Post
    that's funny as hell! i'd love to hear the response for the mickey mouse question.
    Probably some Goofy answer
    Semper Paratus (Always Ready)


  9. #9
    Senior Member Array BruceGibson's Avatar
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    Too funny!

  10. #10
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    Hahaha - every one a winner
    Chris - P95
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    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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  11. #11
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    I agree with No. 1 being number one. That was as good a comeback as I have ever heard of from anyone! The others were great too.
    George

    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array downrange's Avatar
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    Probably some Goofy answer
    LOL! well said. did i set that one up or what?
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  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
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    GREAT RECORDINGS #13 must have been sixto's

  14. #14
    Distinguished Member Array SixBravo's Avatar
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    I love cops! LOL
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    "It is enough to note, as we have observed, that the American people have considered the handgun to be the quintessential self-defense weapon." - Justice Scalia, SCOTUS - DC v Heller - 26 JUN 2008

  15. #15
    Senior Member Array BruceGibson's Avatar
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    Classic examples of exactly what we tell clients..."Shut up!" Of course, it's always too late when we pass that along. By the time they show up in our office they've already "failed to shut up" multiple times.

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