For our fellow CC members of the jewish faith
* * THINGS I DIDN'T LEARN IN HEBREW SCHOOL
** * * * * 1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
** * 2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
** * 3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
** * 4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
** * 5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
** * 6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
** * 7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
** * 8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Nordstroms.
** * 9 Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
** * 10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
** * 11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
** * 12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
** * 13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.
** * 14. WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.
** * 15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
** * 16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
** * 17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended
** * 18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
** * 19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
** * 20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.