Oy! Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards

This is a discussion on Oy! Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards ** * 1 Under same management for over 5763 years. ** * 2. Don't give up. Moses was once a ...

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Thread: Oy! Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards

  1. #1
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
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    Oy! Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards

    Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards
    ** * 1 Under same management for over 5763 years.

    ** * 2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

    ** * 3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?

    ** * 4. Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

    ** * 5. Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University: "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."

    ** * 6. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

    ** * 7. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

    ** * 8. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked. "Yes or no," she replied

    ** * 9. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living...."

    * * 10. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter.

    * * 11. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy."* The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy."* The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."

    * * 12. And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking While we are on the subject...

    A Jewish guy walks by the local Synagogue one day and decides to go in for a quick prayer, kneeling at the altar he says "Please Lord it would be nice to win the lottery".

    The next day he walks by the Synagogue again and a again goes in, same as the previous day kneels and prays "Please Lord it would be nice to win the lottery" making his prayer sound more needy than the last.

    Third day and again he enters his local Synagogue and again kneeling he again prays, and this time putting all his feelings into it "Please Lord it would be real nice to win the lottery"!

    Then from high above he hears a deep resonating voice saying.... "So meet me halfway buy a ticket!"
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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    Member Array 40FIVER's Avatar
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    The movie "The Frisco Kid" is one of the funniest movies ever made. Gene Wilder was great as the rabbi. And he could say "oy" really well.
    Charlie - 40FIVER

    Why I carry:
    "The heart is deceitul above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
    Jeremiah 17:9

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