Wife 1.0

This is a discussion on Wife 1.0 within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I don't know if anyone has seen this before, I swiped it from another forum I'm a member on. I hope our female members have ...

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Thread: Wife 1.0

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array joleary223's Avatar
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    Wife 1.0

    I don't know if anyone has seen this before, I swiped it from another forum I'm a member on.
    I hope our female members have thier sense of humor with them.



    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
    that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
    lot of space and valuable resources.

    In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
    monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
    10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

    I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
    my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend
    7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

    Thanks,
    Troubled User.....

    _____________________________________
    REPLY:
    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that men complain about.

    Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
    just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
    SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
    impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is
    impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once
    installed.

    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
    allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child
    Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
    situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
    alleviate software augmentation.

    The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because
    ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
    will return to normal anyway

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance .
    Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
    3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

    However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
    cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
    the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
    additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

    WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
    Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
    irreversible damage to the operating system!

    Best of luck,

    Tech Support

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    My wife 1.0 has been operating for thirty five years now and I am accustomed to its use and controls. I do not wish to revert nor updare the program.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

  4. #3
    Distinguished Member Array BIG E's Avatar
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    I make regular updates to my wife 1.0. I usually install the lastest version of the Jewlery Patch. I believe the current version is Bling 8.0.

    This frequent update seems to keep Wife 1.0 running smoothly and enables me to upgrade my New Firearm Patch more frequently.
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!

    -- Theodore Roosevelt --

  5. #4
    Senior Member Array PaulG's Avatar
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    I asked my wife if I thought this was funny and she said yes I could laugh. So. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
    fortiter in re, suaviter in modo (resolutely in action, gently in manner).

  6. #5
    Distinguished Member Array 4my son's Avatar
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    I had to forward that one on, only to the guys though, I don't want to be the cause of any ones Wife 1.0 program to crash.
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

  7. #6
    Ex Member Array Pete's Avatar
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    Beware of running procedure 'Parallel Parking' with Wife 1.0, it takes forever to complete and has been known to freeze or even crash.

  8. #7
    Member Array Julie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulG View Post
    I asked my wife if I thought this was funny and she said yes I could laugh. So. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
    LOL!

    Thanks for the great laugh!

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array Mtbiker's Avatar
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    I had problems with Wife 1.0. I did successfully uninstall Wife 1.0 but it took some time and I had to use Lawyer 200.0 (per hour). I am now very happily running Wife 2.0 and soon will download Kid 1.0.
    -Biker

  10. #9
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    Congratulation mtbiker! Of course you are aware you cannot unisntall Kid 1.0 for 18 years after downloading, right?
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array mark555's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    Congratulation mtbiker! Of course you are aware you cannot unisntall Kid 1.0 for 18 years after downloading, right?
    Or more like kid 1.0 can never be uninstalled, unlike wife 1.0, and it makes wife 1.0 run in the background as long as kid 1.0 is running. Even after you do the uninstall of wife 1.0.
    "Hell of a thing, killin' a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have."
    - William Munny (Clint Eastwood in the Unfrogivin)

    “The graveyards are full of indispensable men.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

    “My Idea of a fair fight is beating baby seals with a club”

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array joleary223's Avatar
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    WARNING Trying to remove of any version of wife while running kid 1.0 and up will slow the entertainment applications greatly. The wife OS especialy in conjunction with the kid application is not backward compatable and will not accept any version of the girlfriend application on its system, System failure can result and a total rebuild is required.
    Last edited by joleary223; May 9th, 2007 at 04:01 PM. Reason: grammar

  13. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulG View Post
    I asked my wife if I thought this was funny and she said yes I could laugh. So. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
    You funny!!!!!!!!!!!

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