Mall Ninjas! Sound Off!

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Thread: Mall Ninjas! Sound Off!

  1. #1
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    Mall Ninjas! Sound Off!

    I claim this thread in the name off all board member that are or were Mall Ninjas (Security Officers) and declare we use this said thread as sounding board of our experiences, jokes and assorted other things.

    Hey, LEOs get to share their happenstances with the rest of the board, why not us? We The Many, The Unwanted, The Mall Ninjas!

    And I'll go first if you don't mind. I work at a hotel and as such I must do the Customer Service thing with the guests. I have to say that 95% of them are just folks trying to have a good time (we are located right on Ft Lauderdale Beach) or just want a quiet place to rest. However, sometimes we do get hit with some unusual and stupid things that seem straight out of a comedy.

    - One guest complained about cargo ships blocking her view of the Atlantic Ocean. Never mind the ships were way offshore and basically there is nothing we could do short of requesting a Los Angeles class sub to torpedo the suckers.

    -Another guest also wanted a report to go to corporate for fraud. The reason? Hurricane Wilma ruined his vacation and we should have know it was gonna strike the area.

    -I know it is the tropics and you are away from home and picked up this hot guy and all, but be careful having sex in a pool, specially when the pool has windows underneath the water that face the bar. We got a call one night that a couple was engaged and to please remove them from the pool. We did so, but the lady was miffed we interrupted her and wanted to know who snitched. We told her about the windows but she refused to believe us. She got dressed, jumped off the pool and headed down to the bar (which was full to the rim due to her show) and, as she went inside, the patrons stood up and gave her a standing ovation. She checked out some 10 minutes afterwards.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
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    Ex Member Array azchevy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    We told her about the windows but she refused to believe us. She got dressed, jumped off the pool and headed down to the bar (which was full to the rim due to her show) and, as she went inside, the patrons stood up and gave her a standing ovation. She checked out some 10 minutes afterwards.
    Now that is some funny stuff

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    Hahaha - pool windows huh! Catches folks out

    As for ships blocking the ocean well - she should establish radio comm's with those erant ships and speak to the captains Give them a good tickin off .

    Sorry I have no personal tales to tell Miggy - well not of that type anyways!!
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    VIP Member Array Cupcake's Avatar
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    Never worked at a mall, but I did some time guarding garbage trucks, then did alarm response for a big alarm company around here.

    One night/early morning I get a call to a 4 story warehouse in inner city detroit. Mind you, Detroit PD resond to their possible burglary calls with 2 cars, usually that means 4 officers. Private guy making 6 bucks an hour, with no life insurance: I go in alone.

    This place is creepy, I've never been here before and it is pitch black, except for my "shoot here" light. There are noises coming from the ample rat poplulation and God knows what else. I clear the first floor and move on to the 2nd. I come to an office built in the middle of this pitch black place. The door is just cracked open. I never walked around with my gun in hand, because I could easily be surprised and the gun knocked out of my hand, than I'd be helpless.

    Anyway, hand on my holstered gun, I figure I'd go in fast and loud and hope to startle whoever is in there and get a time advantage. I kick the door open and step in. I clear straight ahead, then the right. Then I swing to clear my left and find a huge figure right in front of me, and towering over me. I feel sick. Other than the shape the first details I see are his hands reaching for me, and his white teeth in the darkness. My heart threatens to explode.

    I try to take a step back while drawing my gun, but a desk stops my retreat. At the same time I try to shout a command, but nothing come out. As my gun is halfway from retention to ready, my finger finds the trigger. I notice the guy has not come any closer and pause my trigger sqeeze just as it begins. I finally begin process the visual I have of the threat. He is enourmous, at least a foot and a half taller than me(I'm 6'). Built like a grizzly bear.

    A brown bear, actually. I had just come intensily close to killing a bear someone had already killed and had mounted in a rather fierce upright pose. My drawers were really in need of replacement, and I called that bulding good enough. I got out of there as quick as I could, and happily never got another call there.
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    JD
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    I was a security guard in downtown Detroit working midnights unarmed, it don't get more ninja than that...

    Actually it wasn't that bad, I worked at a highrise apt. building.

    Had a few funny incidents, once a guy walked in the lobby and told me he was a vampire...I don't know why he was telling me this, I just held up the night stick from under the table and told him. "That's fine, I've got my wooden stake right here."

    I did that for about four months after getting out of the service untill I got a job in my field in PA.

    As much funny stuff as I saw in those four months, it still doesn't compare to the things you witness working as a restaurant manager working midnights, NOW THAT WAS SCARY STUFF!

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    On second thoughts - tho not strictly relative to Miggy's request ..........

    Back in 1974 I was sorta ''between jobs'' and was working as night station manager at a London Radio station (Capital). This was part of IRA ''bomb threat'' time - in fact some threats were very real (instance Harrods store bombing for one).

    The station was ground floor for huge lobby but upstairs first floor for all studio stuff etc. Directly under that was a DOE building (Dept of Environment) - very security conscious and tight but - when live music was on late evenings ... bands brought instruments and amps and roadies - up an elevator from there, using a parking lot out back .. always tricky.

    Once that stuff was in everything was buttoned up again and all doors locked, including into the stair well.

    So - one night - just me, security guy in foyer and two engineers ... about 2am after band had gone (complete with their aroma of pot!) ..... I am 'doing my rounds' and find the door to stair well open I would have sworn it had been locked. Notified DOE, relocked it and proceeded to do a full search of entire floor - studios, canteen, and all the office area including all trash bins.

    DOE didn't summon cops but I was distinctly uneasy as I swept the place in detail. Not a humor story at all but - sure as heck one I remember well for ''pucker factor''. Turned out no problems but the unlocked door remained a mystery.
    Chris - P95
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    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    All stories are welcomed.

    My supervisor reminded me of my first medical emergency working here. I was called to check for a possible cardiac event. This older gentleman was having all the heart attack indicators for the past 2 days but ignored them until the wife got very worried. The reason for ignoring the symptoms? He thought it was a combination of heat and "all those girls in the string bikinis."
    Paramedics took him and he went straight for surgery. He made it but I thought it was hilarious.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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    Ahh, the customers who complain about stuff that is completely out of anyone's reasonable control... Most often, they are cheapskate flakes who are out to try to get you to give them a discount by acting like what they're complaining about is somehow a result of substandard service. Customer service being what it is nowadays, its pretty tough for you to call them on how completely stupid their complaint is without making the owners/home office unhappy because of the potential profit loss when that customer springs the "I'll never come back in here again" line. I've learned how to be nice as pie and still get them told what-for. Yeah, see you tomorrow, have a nice day. They always come back. Legitimate complaints are, of course, a whole different matter, but you can tell the difference as soon as you come in contact with them.

    I've had lots of encouters over the past few years, mostly shoplifters. Sometimes it can get a little spooky, but it usually works out OK. The only time I was worried was when I had a guy out in the foyer on the payphone litterally screaming and cussing at someone on the other end. Needless to say, several mothers with little kids in the check-outs were less than pleased, so I had to do something. I was the only person in the building at the time who wasn't a minor, so I was by myself. I went into the office, called the PD, told them what was going on and gave them the info on what he looked like and which entrance he was closest to, and told them I was gonna go remove him pretty soon if one of them didn't get there fairly fast (when seconds count, the police are only minutes away - not LE's fault, just the way it is). Guess they figured it wasn't a good idea to let me do it alone - an officer was there by the time I got off the phone and had finished calming down and getting myself mentally set for the sure scuffle to ensue, and had walked out to the front (with a roll of quarters out of the office safe in one hand). The officer entered from the far side of the cart area and approached him telling him to get off the phone and go out the door. The guy started arguing with the officer and asked to be allowed to say goodbye, and started to continue his conversation without a hint of 'goodbye'. After a little more than the time needed to end the conversation, the officer told him one more time to get off the phone or he would take him outside. The idiot complied at that point - I guess he realized the officer had a belt full of stuff that would make his afternoon even more unpleasant than it apparently already was. That is why I carry a small OC and a Benchmade at work at all times now - you never know.

  10. #9
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    Not sure if you think my job qualifies as "mall ninjaish", but I have a ton of stories from working security for bars, parties and events over the past few years.

    One night we got a pre-concert crowd in for an Eric Clapton concert going on at an arena close to the bar. Everyone was trying consume as much alcohol as possible before going to the show. There were a man and woman in the middle of the bar, and suddenly they started yelling at each other. The other customers were getting annoyed, so we told them to go outside and work out their differences. They go outside still yelling at each other. During this time I am in the doorway making sure they don't come back in the bar. The guy finally yells at her that he is going to the concert, and she can come if she wants, she refuses.

    I let her back in on the condition that she behaves. A couple of minutes later the cops show up at the bar, as who she is, then grab her and drag her outside. The guy had apparently called them and said she stole $60 from him. They had her give him some cash, and then he seemed satisfied and left. Although they never could get their stories straight as far as if they were married, seeing each other, or seperated. I'm pretty sure they had more in their system than just alcohol, and that is what the $60 was about.

    Another time during football season (when we are absolutely packed) the patio is more like a club than a bar. My shift usually consists of standing on a bar stool for hours on end watching people, until I see something and need to take care of some stuff. I saw two guys, one from each school's color duking it out, jump down and pull them apart. Unless someone swings at me I'll usually get a story, and if someone is in the right, I'll let em stay, otherwise everyone involved leaves.

    So I ask whats going on, expecting it to be a sporting thing. The OSU fan goes "That guy said my girlfriend was fat," to which I reply "Well thats no excuse for fighting, and besides, she is." He didn't like that, nor did he leave the bar completely under his own power.
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    I had a strange medical call one day. We were called to a local topless bar. Not MY favorite calls. The girl was dancing when a patron grabbed her up and set her down hitting her elbow which she had just had surgery on. We were a intensive care unit and called for a transporting BLS service. Since we had three people on our unit, I went out to the truck and waited for the other transport. I was real uncomfortable in there as the only female wearing clothes, I was getting stared at by the drunks like they thought I was part of a show.

    While sitting in the truck I counted 7 police that came to that call. Each one using their fingers to straighten their hair before going in...every one of them. A couple even straightened their uniforms. All total it took 9 men to attend to this minor injury. It was really funny to watch. This answered the age old question of "Where is a cop when you need one?". At least on that night.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spirit51 View Post
    I had a strange medical call one day. We were called to a local topless bar. Not MY favorite calls. The girl was dancing when a patron grabbed her up and set her down hitting her elbow which she had just had surgery on. We were a intensive care unit and called for a transporting BLS service. Since we had three people on our unit, I went out to the truck and waited for the other transport. I was real uncomfortable in there as the only female wearing clothes, I was getting stared at by the drunks like they thought I was part of a show.

    While sitting in the truck I counted 7 police that came to that call. Each one using their fingers to straighten their hair before going in...every one of them. A couple even straightened their uniforms. All total it took 9 men to attend to this minor injury. It was really funny to watch. This answered the age old question of "Where is a cop when you need one?". At least on that night.

    I bet there are plenty of "bar checks" too.
    "Just blame Sixto"

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    I'm with Buckeye. I've got some great stories about bouncing.

    The bar I worked at was not a crappy or dreary place. It was more or less a very slightly upscale pool hall... For those in northern Virginia, it was Fast Eddie's Billiards up at Fairfax Circle.

    -Anyhow, during the early evening when all the regulars were coming off work it was usually very quiet and very upbeat. Good moods all around. One night I was totally in condition white and reading a book up the stand. There was a small group of regulars at the front bar behind me, the group included a man and woman I didn't recognize. Well all of a sudden I hear barstools clanging. I turn just in time to see one of the regulars' stools skitter backwards, we'll call this regular "John." John grabs the unknown man's hair, yanks his head back, then slams his head down on the bar. The woman he was with just gets up and walks away, looking like shes been crying for quite some time. The banged-up guy just crumples to the floor. Knowing John quite well, I simply ask him what happened as him and I drag the beat-up guy towards the door. Appearently John was just sitting and enjoying a couple beers and they walked in. The husband started threatening the wife, telling her he was going to slit her throat and all this other BS. The regular, being one of the most stand-up guys I've ever met, just whispers to the husband to cool it. He tells John to "frack off." John shrugs, threats continue. John warns him again. Guy says he can talk to his wife however he wants. John asks the woman if the guy was really her husband. She confirmed it and he took action. - We sat on the guy outside for a few minutes before the cops showed-up. He went and made a statement about what he had heard. Don't know if anything ever came of it but I'm pretty sure that bast*** never talked about his wife in public again.

    -Had some Hell's Angels come in one night. Kind of odd to be a bouncer and then suddenly have a bunch of angry-lookin' guys just muscle their way to every entrance and post someone for security.

    -I'd only been working there two weeks when I had to break up a small fight. Two groups of drunk college kids thought they were tough hombres and wanted to have a ******* contest. When the two main instigators were alone, I went to seperate them. On my way over, I saw one push another. So I grabbed the one who shoved first and put my arm under his arm and around his neck. Two of his buddies, having no idea who I was ran up and grabbed me by my jacket. I stumbled backwards and accidentally elbowed one of them in the face, busting his lip. I get up and explained who I was. They were are all escorted outside under threats of calling the police.

    Worked there for over a year. Loved it. Easily one of the best and most exciting jobs I've ever had. Would have prefered to have been armed, though.
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    Well, I'll add another one that was pretty good:

    During a football game I am once again standing on my barstool watching the patio crowd. A drunk fellow runs into a guy at the base of my stool, and spills beer all over his back. Guy with beer all over his back looks up at me and asks for "a little help." I jump down off my stool, and before my feet hit the ground a drunk haymaker is coming at my head. Block it, put a forearm in the drunk's throat and start trying to push him towards the exit, through about 10 yards of packed bodies. Make it a few yards, but hes big and drunk and trying to punch me so I'm not making much progress, so I ground him, somewhere in the mix on the ground his face hits my elbow and splits open.

    Customers around try to pull me off him and go "dude let the bouncers handle it", like I don't have a shirt one with "(Insert Bar Name) Security in bright letters across the back. Back- up bouncers arrive, we get him out the door, he splits my supervisors lip. We (about 5 of us by now) literally throw him over the fence out onto the street, where 7 of the off duty uniformed cops we hire during football are standing. He rolls on the ground, gets up, and takes a swing at the big police sgt.

    7 cops descend on the drunk who is bleeding heavily from the side of his face where he hit it on my elbow, I see nightsticks come out, I see a choke hold, and he is being dragged around the corner of a building to a paddy wagon. Cops later asked me what it was about, and couldn't believe he was dumb enough to do all that, never heard anything else about it, I think he just got a drunk and disorderly charge, they figured he had probably already paid his dues.
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    Ex Member Array gregma's Avatar
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    Well, I do have one story as well. From MANY years ago when I worked as a bouncer for a nice little bar. I was required to wear nice clothing, including a button up shirt and tie. Of course I knew that you never wear a tie that you have to actually *tie*, you wear one of the clip-ons. Why you do this becomes apparent soon.

    Around 1am, we had one patron who was getting quite drunk. The bartender had decided to cut him off and he wasn't taking it very well. They asked me to escort this person out.

    First I called a taxi (we provided free rides to patrons when needed), then I went over to quietly tell him that it was time for him to head home and sleep it off.

    Of course he said he wasn't drunk and he was perfectly fine, and we had no right in cutting him off or asking him to leave (quite loudly too.) I took a hold of his elbow to help him on his way when he jerked back, and grabbed for my tie saying something to the effect of "I'll show YOU who is going to leave!".

    Needless to say, after jerking the tie, it just came right off.

    You should have SEEN his expression. Standing there expecting to see my face bashed into the bar, and yet only seeing this tie in his hands. In fact, he was so perplexed by the who circumstance that I was easily able to guide him out the door and into the waiting cab. One of the funniest moments I had!

    Thanks!
    Greg

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