Some Southern Humor
Black Boxes in 4-wheel Drives
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 40 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, [expletive deleted]!"
Only the states of Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina, Mississippi, Virginia, Arkansas, Alabama, Texas and Tennessee were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."
Things a True Southerner Knows:
- The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption.
- Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
- What general direction Cattywumpus is.
- That "gimme sugar" don't mean "pass me the sugar."
- That when somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
- How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
- Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits!
- A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
- Real gravy don't come from the store.
- When "by and by" is.
- How to handle their "pot likker".
- The difference between "pert near" and "a right far piece."
- The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and white trash.
- At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.
- Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
- You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.
- You should never lend your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
- A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.
- Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
- Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons
I resemble that remark! LOL
Damndable lie, I would never hand "my" cold beer to anyone, Heck that's why they make those hats with beer holders and a plastic straw. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!!!!!!! :danceban:
God bless us Southern boys (and girls) but you forgot a few...
A Southerner knows...
...what someone means when they say "I know that kid frontwards and backwards"
...what it means when someone says "I'll hit ya with both barrells!"
...words like warsh (or worsh - depending on what part of the South you are from), rinch, and tump (Go warsh/worsh and rinch yer hands - and don't tump over the gravy!)
...when a child asks their dady for permission to do something, the daddy always says, "Go ask yer momma."
...then the momma always says, "Go ask yer daddy."
We also know that a fully descriptive plan of action is contained in the phrase: "Tell you whut!"
21. They know the difference between hollar and holler
I ask for sweet tea here and they say there is sugar on the table... /hangs head
Good stuff. If 'Ebonics' is a separate language course, 'redneck' should be also.
When I lived in Arkansas briefly, that is one word of wisdom my sister gave me soon as I got there. Heres another:
Originally Posted by Miggy
Beans at a restaurant refer to black-eyed, not green or baked.
Fried is NOT a dirty word.
You say that like it's a bad thing?
Originally Posted by Smooth23
If it weren't for us Southern boys Lipitor never would'a been invented ... we're the reason it's profitable! :tongue: (yes, I take it)