Things my wife does not like to hear from me when grilling.

This is a discussion on Things my wife does not like to hear from me when grilling. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; This was sent to me the other day... and it seems to apply We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it ...

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Thread: Things my wife does not like to hear from me when grilling.

  1. #31
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    BBQ Rules

    This was sent to me the other day... and it seems to apply

    We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

    When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

    Routine...

    (1) The woman buys the food.
    (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

    Here comes the important part:

    (4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

    More routine....

    (5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
    (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

    Important again:

    (7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

    More routine....

    (8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
    (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

    And most important of all:
    (10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
    (11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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  3. #32
    Distinguished Member Array AnimalKracker's Avatar
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    And don't forget, check it out when you hear -- "Well,Crap"!

  4. #33
    Senior Member Array tanksoldier's Avatar
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    Remember the commercial for the blinds where two women look at the new blinds while the husband has an explosive encounter with his grill?

    That's me... and that's my wife. As long as I don't blow up the house she pretty much ignores any strange noises or smells.

    Then again, I do 99% of the cooking anyway (contrary to the post above) so she's used to cursing and such coming from the cooking area.
    "I am a Soldier. I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight." GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

  5. #34
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    Her words just now: "Don't even think about it!"
    Yeah, but tell her nothing says love like horsepower.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dakotaranger View Post
    Yeah, but tell her nothing says love like horsepower.
    Oh hell, you just reminded me I have to buy an anniversary gift. 21 years married in 5 days!
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by ron8903 View Post
    You might be a Redneck if,

    The lizard in the grill is well done.
    You have more than one kind of grill on the deck.
    Gas, smoker,Weber kettle, and home made pull behind
    for all the family gatherings.( ME)
    Youve been to my house ?
    When outnumbered 2 to 1.
    Shoot twice!
    Gopher

  8. #37
    VIP Member Array maclean3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A1C Lickey View Post
    I know this is going to sound nuts, but when I have a live Christmas tree I save it. I cut the branches off and use lots of them when I'm grilling. Adds a very different smoky flavor to my cooking. As for the trunk of the tree, it gets chopped up and taken camping in the desert.

    Dude, that's called tinsel!
    Jack

  9. #38
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    Point for Mac!
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  10. #39
    JD
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  11. #40
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    Shucks John - was that guy a mega dork or what?! He needs one heck of a severe butt kickin

    I guess guys like that do exist? Oh dear - can't print what I really think!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  12. #41
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    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  13. #42
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    I would not have survived that. Come to think of it, I would have not survived half of that. Yikes, that's one clueless dude.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  14. #43
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    Wink

    With the 2012 Labor Day weekend fun approaching, I figure it's high time to resurrect this old relic of a thread ... given the wonderfully, typically, appropriate "guy" comments that launched it.

    Be safe out there, when tossing the proverbial fuel on the fire.

    Spouses ... we apologize in advance.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  15. #44
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    Nothing says Pro 2A like owning a grill like this.......and no its not mine.....I wish....and yes the fire department
    has been to my house because the neighbors that it was on fire while I was grilling.....those smoldering little charcoal brickets are so boring....

    AZJD1968 likes this.
    Kimbers are the guns you show your friends....Glocks are the ones you show your enemies.

  16. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by JD View Post
    Amazing that he is still alive. And as far as the Big Green Egg that is all the rage now I wish I had a dollar for each one of those BIG HEAVY awkward mothers I helped to pass down the ladder during bag drag after a west bound run. Truthfully back then they were only $150 but I still wanted to drop them on the head of the ones who brought them back. Oh and if the neighbors call the fire department you used too much lighter fluid.

    Big Green Egg - The Ultimate Cooking Experience
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

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