An old e-mail joke, but still good, to kick off the weekend

An old e-mail joke, but still good, to kick off the weekend

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Thread: An old e-mail joke, but still good, to kick off the weekend

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    An old e-mail joke, but still good, to kick off the weekend

    An oldie but a goody

    Why we love children.....


    >
    > 1) NUDITY
    > I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
    >evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
    >She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
    >5-year-old shout from the back seat, " Mom! That lady isn't wearing a
    >seat belt!"
    >
    > 2) OPINIONS
    > On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a

    >note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
    >child are not necessarily those of his parents."
    >
    > 3) KETCHUP
    > A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
    >During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter

    >to answer the phone. " My mom can't come to the phone to talk to you
    >right now. She's hitting the bottle."
    >
    > 4) MORE NUDITY
    > A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
    >women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
    >with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
    >watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you
    >ever seen a little boy before?"
    >
    > 5) POLICE # 1
    > While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
    >school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking
    >up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I
    >answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever
    >needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's
    right,"
    >I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me,
    >"would you please tie my shoe?"
    >
    > 6) POLICE # 2
    > It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
    >of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
    >barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got

    >back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked

    >at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he

    >do?"
    >
    > 7) ELDERLY
    > While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
    >elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon

    >rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
    >age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
    >her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
    >myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
    >whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
    >
    > 8) DRESS-UP
    > A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
    >she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
    >wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives

    >you a headache the next morning "
    >
    > 9) DEATH
    > While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
    >minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
    >wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead

    >robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured

    >a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
    >disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
    >appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
    >what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather,
    >and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."
    >
    > 10) SCHOOL
    > A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
    >just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
    >write and they won 't let me talk!"
    >
    > 11) BIBLE
    > A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as
    >he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
    >Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old

    >leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
    >found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear? " With
    >astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
    >Adam's underwear."
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand


  2. #2
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    That'll work.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Senior Member Array firefighter4884's Avatar
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    LOL

    thank you! that was a nice way to start the weekend.

    --Jim
    Firefighter / EMT - Always Ready. Ever Willing.

    ~Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics...~

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    Thanks...

    Much enjoyed by my wife and I...

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

    ***********************************
    Certified Glock Armorer
    NRA Life Member[/B]

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    Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
    Just precious!
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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    Oh, man. <sigh> What I'd do for the days of innocent ignorance again.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CopperKnight View Post
    Oh, man. <sigh> What I'd do for the days of innocent ignorance again.
    I still have the ignorance...

    Great jokes to start the weekend!
    John
    Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    "Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party

    Lifetime NRA member

  8. #8
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    Thanks I need that
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  9. #9
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    THANK YOU.... this week has stunk but this defiantly helped
    Mark

    "The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose."

    -James Earl Jones

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    That one got copied and sent to lots of family and friends. Thanks!
    ,=====o00o _
    //___l__,\____\,__
    l_--- \___l---[]lllllll[]
    (o)_)-o- (o)_)--o-)_)

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array czman2006's Avatar
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    I used to be young and stupid. Now, I'm just not young! Thanks, especially for "into the hole he goooooes"!
    "Let not your heart be troubled." John 14:1

    USN Retired Vietnam/Desert Shield/Desert Storm

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