The Field of Honorable Arugula

The Field of Honorable Arugula

This is a discussion on The Field of Honorable Arugula within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; As many of you know, Euc has challenged me to a duel. While I usually detest violence as I would my Corsican Aunt Clara's cooking, ...

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Thread: The Field of Honorable Arugula

  1. #1
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    The Field of Honorable Arugula

    As many of you know, Euc has challenged me to a duel.

    While I usually detest violence as I would my Corsican Aunt Clara's cooking, this is a matter of leafy green European honor.

    I intend to pull those flood pants fully off over his head and pound every burnt, twisted revolver part out of his spleen.

    Alas, Betty doesn't allow that behavior here. Or spitting.

    But it asks the question? Where does Euc get those checkered 'high water' pleated pants?

    No, not that question.

    If Euc and I were to duel, who would win, and why?

    What are your thoughts?


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    The choice of weapon matters greatly.

    If we use TI-83 Plus Silver Graphing Calculators, The Tourist is going down hard.

    On the other hand if it's knives, I'm at a clear disadvantage as mine don't split atoms.

  3. #3
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    You, cheater! You varlet! You, you, Corsican...

    I knew you'd use math...

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    This reminds me of a yarn I was told once while I wasn't paying attention.

    Supposedly in the mid 19th century at some Ivy League university, a distraught student who received a failing grade challenged his calculus professor to a duel.

    The professor was an old fashioned fellow and appointed a second. His young and eager challenger demanded to know the weapon to be used in the duel.

    Pistols? Swords? Knives?

    The professor sent the message back via his second that the weapon would be a simple excercise in probability. There would be two plump sausages, one poisoned, one not. Each man would eat a sausage at random and then they'd go home where the loser would die and the winner would sit and think about what a tasty sausage that was.

    Legend has it the student quietly rescinded the duel.

  5. #5
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    Fascinating. A math story.

    Why doesn't Betty allow spitting here?

  6. #6
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    Choose your weapons and start pacing, you two. Euc, get that slide rule out of your sleeve.

    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

  7. #7
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    Euc, get that slide rule out of your sleeve.
    Well, that's the nice thing about those flood pants. You can see that there's no weapons duct taped to those pasty white ankles.

    You realize that I come from a long line of gunslingers. My Uncle Luigi saved his whole platoon once. He shot their cook.

    Hey, Euc, is that a periodic table strapped up there behind your knee?

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    No! It's my tape recorder... OF DOOM!

    I recorded myself going over the laws of exponents the other day. That lecture has the power to put people into a deep coma instantly. It's better than any commercial spray weapon!

    I will bore you to death! I also have a jumbo pack of rubber bands concealed in my watchpocket.

    I am Bugs Bunny and you are Elmer Fudd!

  9. #9
    Member Array hawkeye680's Avatar
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    So, uh, I guess the whole girlfriend idea that Tourist suggested a while back hasn't happened yet???

  10. #10
    Member Array Deke45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Euclidean
    No! It's my tape recorder... OF DOOM!

    That lecture has the power to put people into a deep coma instantly.
    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z

    Kimber Ultra CDP Elite STS II

    A gun is a tool...the real weapon is between your ears!

  11. #11
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    You mean my Corsican cousin, Rosa? Charming girl. Shipwrecked once. Saved herself. Shaved "SOS" on her back.

    I'd like to hear Euc's tape recording of that first meeting.

    She comes from good, strong genes. She can carry a child. With a boost up onto her back, she could carry cattle.

    Betty shot her once. Rosa doesn't know it.

    (How long do you want me to keep this up?)

  12. #12
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    Me: "Excuse me, sir."

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by hawkeye680
    So, uh, I guess the whole girlfriend idea that Tourist suggested a while back hasn't happened yet???
    Sheesh, I thought you were suggesting that Tourist and Euc were gonna be a couple....
    Bumper
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

  14. #14
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    Nah, I'm not much for skinny legs.

    I have very definite taste when it comes to women. My philosophy is that something has to be dangerous if it is to be fun. You want to ride a bike, make it a Harley. You like knives, check out razor sharp stilettos. You like pretty girls, see what Ciara is doing this weekend. Perhaps Rae Hollitt likes Harleys.

    Many of my friends have seen 'that look' in my eyes from time to time. "Gumba, that woman is going to scuff up your rhomboids!" All the better. I heal fast.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Array Prospector's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Tourist
    Nah, I'm not much for skinny legs.

    I have very definite taste when it comes to women. My philosophy is that something has to be dangerous if it is to be fun. You want to ride a bike, make it a Harley. You like knives, check out razor sharp stilettos. You like pretty girls, see what Ciara is doing this weekend. Perhaps Rae Hollitt likes Harleys.

    Many of my friends have seen 'that look' in my eyes from time to time. "Gumba, that woman is going to scuff up your rhomboids!" All the better. I heal fast.
    I'd think "ride a Vespa" would be more dangerous than a Harley! I actually saw some bozo on one on the darned Interstate once....geesh what a moron!!
    "Endeavor To Persevere"
    Chief Dan George

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