A 'Corner' won't do, I need the whole Terrace.

A 'Corner' won't do, I need the whole Terrace.

This is a discussion on A 'Corner' won't do, I need the whole Terrace. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Bumper opined that I might write thoughts for him periodically on various topics. I imagined this to be like 'Cooper's Corner,' but where in creation ...

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Thread: A 'Corner' won't do, I need the whole Terrace.

  1. #1
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    A 'Corner' won't do, I need the whole Terrace.

    Bumper opined that I might write thoughts for him periodically on various topics. I imagined this to be like 'Cooper's Corner,' but where in creation is there room to park a Dyna Glide in a 'corner'? Besides, 'The Tourist's Terrace' sounds a bit more regal.

    (I wasn't too fond of Betty's idea of 'Beef and Bichons.' That sounded too much like a holiday dish...)

    Anyhoo, being that I am now fully 55 years old, I want to talk to you about 'geezerhood.' Yeah, yeah, it's really slick to get 10% off at most local fast food joints and The Old Country Buffet, but yikes! Have you ever taken in an 'early bird' at the OCB? My shins are still sore from getting banged by walkers at the buffet line. But I digress.

    First insult. I get to the gym late. I get a smile from a little cutie I followed when we parked in the lot. Very nice work-out outfit; from the back it looked like two little Volkswagens trying to pass each other.

    Don't be fooled by this smile. She shifts her gym bag, and then holds the door open for me. Ouch.

    I then talked to "Dave the Crazy Biker" as we got changed. We have the same cognitive therapist. He has referred so many of his deranged friends to our doctor that they now have motorcycle parking. He's just finished a spirited conversation with "Jeff the Lunatic Biker" who isn't really a biker at all. He's a 'motorcyclist,' and I wish you could hear me say that. Motorcyclist. He doesn't have the lifestyle, he has my lifestyle, and a black Electa Glide with all of the comfort googas.

    Dave the Crazy Biker thinks I'm being to hard on Jeff the Lunatic Biker. He begins to admonish me.

    "Chico, you nutball biker," DtCB gesticulates, shaking all of the tattoos across his striated chest, "JtLB has always been good to me."

    "He has more twists than a warped boomerang," I intone, "One minute he's up, the next he's down. It's like trying to follow a ferris wheel on estrogen."

    "I've ridden with him a few times," DtCB shrugs.

    "I have a piano at my house," I counter, "but I don't think I'm going to Carnegie Hall real soon. He studies for a urine test. He's trying to find mating calls for a chocolate mousse. He's building a trap to send to Wiley E. Coyote to catch the Roadrunner..."

    "Well," DtCB spits, "I remember you taking a 'resperdal holiday'..."

    "Yeah, well I didn't try to bring back vacation pictures..."

    "Okay, okay," DtCB relents, "I must admit that he has jumped the trolley a bit."

    "How so?"

    "I went out to his farm property last week," DtCB explained, "and he took me out back by his house. He said he has been building 'stealth hangars' for all of the secret fighters the government has. I think it's a scam, I didn't see any hangars."

    I laughed, "Must be working. Did you wander out there and feel around?"

    "Hell, no," piped up DtCB indignantly, "the paint on them was wet..."


  2. #2
    Assistant Administrator
    Array P95Carry's Avatar
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    Haha - enjoyable as ever! Thx for that.
    two little Volkswagens trying to pass each other.
    reminds me of the other description I know - ''like two lil' pups playing in a bag'' LOL.

    Still lead in the pencil eh Tourist - that's good!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    Tourist would do well to be a substitute teacher.

    Seriously, if I didn't depend on this to make a living that's what I'd do. Hear me out.

    You work only when and where you want to.

    You have a captive audience that's glad to see you.

    You can go off topic all day, sewing chaos in your wake, and within reasonable limits do whatever you feel like.

    And there are absolutely no consequences for it. You are gone the next day, and someone else has to clean up the mess.

  4. #4
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    Euc,

    "...your regular teacher, Mrs. Douchespittle is out ill today, and I'm going to be your substitute teacher. Mr. name is Mr. Balistreri, and...

    ...no Johnny, it's a Scilian name...

    ...your father's knee got broken...yes...that's possible...

    ...anyway, I sharpen knives for a living, and you children are going to be my good little apprentices and get me caught up on my backlog...

    ...this children, is a stiletto..."

    Yeah, Euc, some school board is going to let this happen!

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    I'd request you.

    Any substitute I've ever had just tossed my lesson aside anyway. Then they complain to the principal they couldn't understand it.

    My principal sighs and generally disregards complaints from people who don't understand how to divide 348 by 22 sans calculator.

    There's talk of Algebra 2 in my future. Yeah, most substitutes are going to handle THAT well. I can't even get them to do basic math.

    To be fair it takes a special kind of person to be a substitute teacher. You have to be very impulsive for one thing and spontaneous for another.

  6. #6
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    very impulsive for one thing and spontaneous for another.
    My cognitive guy and I discussed this in early sessions--and the ability to know when each is appropriate.

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