Laws of the Universe

Laws of the Universe

This is a discussion on Laws of the Universe within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Another Friday, another joke to kick of the weekend. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begins to ...

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Thread: Laws of the Universe

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    Out side of Richmond, VA

    Laws of the Universe

    Another Friday, another joke to kick of the weekend.

    Law of Mechanical Repair:

    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begins to it itch.

    Law of the Workshop:

    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    Law of Probability:

    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    Law of the Telephone:

    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

    Law of the Alibi:

    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law:

    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    Law of the Bath:

    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters:

    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    Law of the Result:

    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    Law of Biomechanics:

    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theatre:

    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    Law of Coffee:

    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers:

    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Rugs/Carpets:

    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    Law of Location:

    No matter where you go, there you are.

    Law of Logical Argument:

    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    Brown's Law:

    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    Oliver's Law:

    A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    Wilson's Law:

    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    The Law of intelligence:

    The difference between GENIUS and STUPIDITY is that genius has its limits.

    Extended Law of Physics:

    For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and sometimes a scar.
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

  2. #2
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    Mar 2006
    Spokane area, WA
    Those are good. Haven't seen most of them.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  3. #3
    Distinguished Member Array BIG E's Avatar
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    Sep 2006
    Wilson's law.... thats why I buy 3 of something I like. (My wife hates it).

    Mechanic's law.... Oh yes that sounds real familiar. "How did grease get behind my ear?"
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!

    -- Theodore Roosevelt --

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Southwest Tennessee
    Excellent. Some of these laws have been experiences first hand.
    When you accept mediocrity you sow the seeds for future failure.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum. In God we trust.

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