Laws of the Universe

This is a discussion on Laws of the Universe within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Another Friday, another joke to kick of the weekend. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begins to ...

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Thread: Laws of the Universe

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array 4my son's Avatar
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    Laws of the Universe

    Another Friday, another joke to kick of the weekend.

    Law of Mechanical Repair:

    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begins to it itch.


    Law of the Workshop:

    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


    Law of Probability:

    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


    Law of the Telephone:

    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


    Law of the Alibi:

    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


    Variation Law:

    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    Law of the Bath:

    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


    Law of Close Encounters:

    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


    Law of the Result:

    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


    Law of Biomechanics:

    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


    Law of the Theatre:

    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


    Law of Coffee:

    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.


    Murphy's Law of Lockers:

    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


    Law of Rugs/Carpets:

    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


    Law of Location:

    No matter where you go, there you are.


    Law of Logical Argument:

    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


    Brown's Law:

    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


    Oliver's Law:

    A closed mouth gathers no feet.


    Wilson's Law:

    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


    The Law of intelligence:

    The difference between GENIUS and STUPIDITY is that genius has its limits.


    Extended Law of Physics:

    For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and sometimes a scar.
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

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    Those are good. Haven't seen most of them.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    Distinguished Member Array BIG E's Avatar
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    Wilson's law.... thats why I buy 3 of something I like. (My wife hates it).

    Mechanic's law.... Oh yes that sounds real familiar. "How did grease get behind my ear?"
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!

    -- Theodore Roosevelt --

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    Excellent. Some of these laws have been experiences first hand.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

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