"Lesson in world history"
Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began
about 12,000 years ago when humans existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals &
Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed. Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to BBQ
at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as "the Conservative movement".
Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's & doing the
sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girlymen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group
therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the Elephant. Liberals became symbolized by the Jackass.
Modern liberals sometimes like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, Hollywood dreamers & group therapists are
liberals. Liberals even invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
"fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies usually prefer to hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Liberals crept into
America after the Wild West was tame & created the business of trying
to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's "Lesson in world history." :biggrin: