"Lesson in world history"

"Lesson in world history"

This is a discussion on "Lesson in world history" within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began about 12,000 years ago when humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic ...

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Thread: "Lesson in world history"

  1. #1
    DC Founder
    Array Bumper's Avatar
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    May 2004

    "Lesson in world history"

    Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began
    about 12,000 years ago when humans existed as members of small bands of
    nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.

    The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

    These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the
    catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals &

    Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning
    of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
    yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
    to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
    were formed. Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to BBQ
    at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
    is known as "the Conservative movement".

    Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live
    off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's & doing the
    sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
    movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girlymen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group
    therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the Elephant. Liberals became symbolized by the Jackass.

    Modern liberals sometimes like imported beer (with lime added), but
    most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
    like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
    higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
    injury attorneys, journalists, Hollywood dreamers & group therapists are
    liberals. Liberals even invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
    "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies usually prefer to hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
    more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
    in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Liberals crept into
    America after the Wild West was tame & created the business of trying
    to get MORE for nothing.

    Here ends today's "Lesson in world history."
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

  2. #2
    New Member Array ghamilton's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    I am often fascinated by the strange proclivities of what passes for a "liberal"in our American political and social scene.Liberals are less likely to be/or stay married.Liberals actually have less sex-true-and enjoy it less.Rich liberals are more likely to hire firepower(and then despise the people who carry for them).Conservatives have more children,liberals don't even reproduce at a replacement level.Best illustration of that is Canada's desperation for a share of our beloved hispanic immigrant hordes.Parts of the great white north are having a labor shortage.Much of the enlightened Eurotrash population is replicating at less than 1.5 per couple.Liberals in this country are examplified by the reformed Jewish population that is dying out rapidly by their insistence that reproduction is irresponsible and destructive of the enviroment.Of course,what one Jewish friend told me may have a bearing."How do you get a Jewish woman to stop having sex?Marry her." Seriously,the tool that liberal activists count on most and subversively promote is apathy.Stay away from school board mtgs.,stay away from anything that infuences your government,we'll take care of it.They CARE,they go,we don't near enough.Stay home and they win.

  3. #3
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
    It's brought nothing but pain to my family.

    My Aunt Clara, a Corsican (ptoy, ptoy, no disrespect), died a lingering death of dementia. Our family didn't know what to do.

    We never had a liberal in the family before--a Corsican, to boot.

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