Get used to it...it doesn't stop after marriage
PS: I'm out of town so I don't have to worry about Lima booting me to the couch....yet
Lima, I love you honey
This is a discussion on [How-to] Blow a small argument into a knock down drag out fight to the death. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; God relationships are glorious~! So the gf (omgz grlz) and I got into a huge fight about something retarded today. A couple weeks ago I ...
God relationships are glorious~!
So the gf (omgz grlz) and I got into a huge fight about something retarded today. A couple weeks ago I came back to my college apartment to move back in for the rest of my summer as my summer job was kaput. During this time I didn't call my gf because I was busy moving stuff and getting everything squared away. Now, I am not really a phone person and she knows that, but it didn't really bother me not talking to her for 3 days.
Well when I get back(I came back home to get the rest of my stuff and tie up loose ends back home) we get into a fight because she was upset that I didn't call her for 3 days. I informed her that phones magically work both ways and she should have called me if she wanted to talk to me. Her excuse was "I was giving you space so you could move in and I didn't want to bother you." I told her that I didn't need "space" and that if she called me when I couldn't talk I would let her know and call her later.
Well I came back with my second load of stuff and have been moving in some more. I have been calling her every time we talk--so for the last 7-10 days all of the conversations we have had were initiated by me. I didn't really mind or even notice at first, but it started to bother me when I noticed that if I didn't call her for a day she wouldn't call me at all. So I did an experiment (shouldn't have but whatever) and didn't call her for about 2 days--but I had to ask her a question about something (giving her my old couch if she wants it). Well she was really "catty" on the phone and I could tell something was wrong.
One thing lead to another and we got into a big fight about it--again. I told her that she could call me and that I don't need space. Her excuse THIS time was, get this, "gender roles". "Girls aren't suppose to call guys;guys are suppose to call girls! Don't you agree that we have a pretty 'traditional' gender role relationship?" To this I responded "Yea, so why don't you come down and clean my kitchen, do my laundry, and make me dinner." She didn't take this as bad as I thought...she said "if we were married I WOULD do that stuff". So I said "if we were married I WOULD call you first" --just to be an ass.
I explained that I don't like to talk on the phone but I get over it and call her. She doesn't like to call me because it makes her "feel weird"...but she won't get over herself and call me. We argued about this for forever because she didn't understand that not calling me because it makes her feel weird is the same thing as me not calling because I don't like to talk on the phone. I told her that if a neutral party was listening to our argument they would say that I was being stupid ANNND she was being stupid--stupid^2. She told me "Maybe you should talk to your parents, because they usually straighten you out when you are being stupid." ( Which is true. They will tell me when I am in the wrong.)
So I called my dad, but he didn't answer. So I called my mom's cell (she was still at work), I filled her in on the story and she started laughing. At this point I am not as upset as I am just "this is ridiculous". My mom doesn't "take my side" per se but I can tell she agrees with me. She was very diplomatic--saying: "You aren't wrong and she isn't wrong. In relationships there are fights like these and you need to compromise..not try to be right." I quickly informed my mother that if we "compromised" then I would be right. If I was "right" then we would compromise. My whole argument was that if I can call her then she can call me. My mom pretty much agreed, but I let her go because I didn't want to keep her any longer at work.
While I was talking to my mom my dad called me back because he had a missed call. I explained why I called and he started to give me a "solution" then quickly stopped and said that I needed to talk to my mother. My dad and I are on the EXACT same wave length 99% of the time and he was thinking what I was thinking, but he didn't want to escalate our fight. I laughed and told him that I already got her side and that I wanted his. He and I both agreed that I should tell her: "I am completely fine with being the one that has to call every time. I really am. But if that's what you want you have to understand that you CAN'T get upset when I don't call you as much as you would like...and if you really want to call me then you can pick up your phone and do it." My dad also added that I shouldn't call her for a few days and see what she does (jokingly, but half serious).
So anyway my gf and I got into a fight 7th graders would have because she doesn't want to call me.
(As I was typing this thread my gf called and we got into it some more but she finally admitted that she "was being irrational" (read: I totally WON this fight But, now I am all spooled up and there is nothing left to fight about )
so young.... so naive......
Then he is finished
I think that this problem is rooted in your lack of understanding.
hahaha, you really haven't figured this out yet! You will never, ever....even in your wildest dreams "win a fight". Even if you get a moral victory, and get her to admit she's being irrational, you still lose. She'll just pick a fight she knows that she can win to make up for your measely "triumph". The only way to "win" is to let her win and still get what you want. As in "I know honey, I'm a pig of a man and don't deserve you,...but if you really want to help me out on this and call me when you start to get pissed about me not calling I'd really appreciate it......thanks babe,....I love you sooooo much."
"If you think so, dear."
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott
The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
Dump her. Maybe in a year, she'll call, if not nothing lost. Guns are more fun.
Anyway, kavity, to help you in your predicament.
1. NEVER DO EXPERIMENTS WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!
If you have a problem or a question or a concern, just come out and say it. If you don't think she never calls you, go through your phone history, call her up and say, "Hey, going through my phone history I see that the last seven times I have talked to you have been me calling you. If I didn't call you, I don't think you would ever call. What gives?"
2. Fight her emotional, irrational response with an emotional irrational one of your own.
Even if it's BS, tell her you feel bad when she doesn't call. You feel like she doesn't love you. Put on big sappy eyes and start to fake cry. She'll feel horrible and call you everyday for the next six months.
Okay, maybe point 2 is a bad idea.. I usually don't condone lying.
No, tell her the truth and hopefully you two will come to some kind of compromise. A compromise is just that, somewhere between what you want and what she wants. Both are supposed to "win" in a compromise.
A compromise in this instance would be you agreeing to call every now and then and her agreeing to call too. You both don't want to do it, but that's the definition of a compromise, now isn't it.
Fact of the matter is, if she wants to talk to you she needs to pick up the phone every now and then, and you need to help her out in her sexist ideals by giving her a ring (and by ring, I don't mean the one that goes on any fingers, I meant the phone ringing) every now and again two.
You both win, you both loose. It's perfect.
You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.