Qantas Airlines Gripesheet

Qantas Airlines Gripesheet

This is a discussion on Qantas Airlines Gripesheet within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Got this E-Mail today, don't know if it's legit but it's funny.... After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which ...

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Thread: Qantas Airlines Gripesheet

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array joleary223's Avatar
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    Qantas Airlines Gripesheet

    Got this E-Mail today, don't know if it's legit but it's funny....

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last ..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    CRIME..... LAW DEFINES, POLICE ENFORCE, CITIZENS PREVENT!

    FOUR BOXES KEEP US FREE: [1] SOAP [2] BALLOT [3] JURY [4] AMMO!


  2. #2
    Senior Moderator
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    LOL
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    VIP Member Array aus71383's Avatar
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    My wife and I had a good laugh. Thanks.

    "Wasn't that the airline in Rain Man that he wanted to go on because it had never had an accident?"

    Austin

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    Funny...and clever!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    Pretty much all of those are brilliant!!
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.
    This for one cracked me right up
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

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    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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    Distinguished Member Array USPnTX's Avatar
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    Too funny!!!!
    "Do not fear those who disagree with you; fear those that do and are too cowardly to admit it" - Napoleon

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array joleary223's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aus71383 View Post
    My wife and I had a good laugh. Thanks.

    "Wasn't that the airline in Rain Man that he wanted to go on because it had never had an accident?"

    Austin
    I believe it is the airline from rainman. My favorite quote is "evidence removed"
    CRIME..... LAW DEFINES, POLICE ENFORCE, CITIZENS PREVENT!

    FOUR BOXES KEEP US FREE: [1] SOAP [2] BALLOT [3] JURY [4] AMMO!

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    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    Gotta love it.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  9. #9
    Senior Member Array Andy W.'s Avatar
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    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    That kills me!
    America: Your government is not ignoring you, it's insulting you.

    The Bill of Rights: Void where prohibited by law.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array SammyIamToday's Avatar
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    Great list! Best airline I've ever flown on too!
    ...He suggested that "every American citizen" should own a rifle and train with it on firing ranges "at every courthouse." -Chesty Puller

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