You can't make this stuff up.
As much as I advertise the biker side of my twisted personality, I am a baptized Christian. To be sure, I'm the least of the bretheren, but I go, I listen to The Word, and I earnestly pray for redemption; the back half of my life looks a lot better than the front half.
I threw on my crappy road clothes today (Saturday is Sabbath for SDA's) only because one of my friends had KP duty today for pot-luck.
If you ever want free food to show up, invite Seventh Day Adventists. They are incapable of going to any event--be that a goat roping, a roof shingling or a colonoscopy--without setting up a pot-luck.
As I was bringing some unneeded additional food from my wife's Explorer, one of "The Twins" comes roaring through our parking lot at a high rate of speed in something like a Lincoln Continental, locks up the binders and skids to a halt.
(I must document here that a lottery has started betting on whether he or his sibling will be the first one into prison. I put a 'dime' on the fact that they'll pull a home invasion together.)
As bad as that sounds, the path he took crosses a section of the tarmac that toddlers use to get to the swingset area.
Whatever thin veil of Christianity that I have misappropriated fell from my continence. I strode a straight path to the brain-donor and proceded to verbally chop this future cell-***** down to semi-thawed jello. Whenever I saw his soft mouth start to open, I raised the level and volume of this ass-ripping to another unheard of height of stratosphere.
After church we find a written threat (he says he'll stab me) under one of the windshield wipers and a shoe print on the front right side fender skirt.
Many questions race through my head. First off, doesn't this guy watch CSI? I have his shoe print and a sample of his hand-writing on the threat.
Then, of all the options for a duel this buck picks, he picks knives. Think of that for a moment. He picks knives to fight an old biker, taught by ex-con bikers, to fight with implements that the old guy sharpens for a living.
I called the police force that has jurisdiction for the church and asked for a squad rod to fill out the report, check the damage and take possession of the written threat. The cop doing this phone duty was laughing as he typed. We both agreed that this isn't going to take Sherlock Holmes to solve.
We figure this might cost the kid an arrest, possibly a felony charge, at least 4,000 dollars in fender repairs and my attorney's fees (plus whatever his own lawyer charges), and at the worst of all times--he just turned 18 years old.
There is one upside to this weird tale. My Father and my Uncle never lived to see this. They had an 'old world' notion about threats to their family.
(Oh, and BTW, I might owe an apology to all of my knife forum chat members. For years, I have harped that learning knife fighting was a senseless venture. I always said, "The next knife fight you see will be in the stage production of The West Side Story." Oh, don't worry, I haven't lost my sense of humor; in fact, I might be able to tell that knife-to-a-gunfight joke.)