TOURIST!! I'm callin' you out!!!

This is a discussion on TOURIST!! I'm callin' you out!!! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I want to read your testimony! From Outlaw Biker to Born-again Christian?? Man! That had to be one crazy ride!...

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Thread: TOURIST!! I'm callin' you out!!!

  1. #1
    Member Array ebd10's Avatar
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    TOURIST!! I'm callin' you out!!!

    I want to read your testimony! From Outlaw Biker to Born-again Christian?? Man! That had to be one crazy ride!

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  3. #2
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    Hate to shake you, son, but the four days it took the waxer to de-nude Bumper's back and thighs is full of more action packed drama.

    After doing just about everything wrong a guy can do to a girl, I took my lying keester to a wonderful man named Ron Crary who ran the The Country Life Restaurant in Madison, Wisconsin. He and his wife Sylvia, taught me the Bible, and introduced me to Pastor Gary Oliver of The Madison Seventh Day Adventist church.

    My future wife and I had no place to get married, so Mr. Crary offered us his restaurant. We were married there on February, 23, 1985. In seeking a deeper faith, Pastor Oliver baptized the both of us by immersion on October 12, 1985. The biker passed away later that day. It wasn't over. It wasn't even close.

    In confronting my past, or being caught by it, I suffered two breakdowns, the worst of which took most of 2000.

    I wasn't a good human being. I walked out on my Mother as she drank herself into oblivion. I went to war with my Father and refused to see him for over eight years. I destroyed an automobile and broke my fool neck in five places. I went through about six job firings and more money than I care to admit. I had put so many lies on top of lies that even my own memory was taxed.

    During the Clinton fiasco I had to face my own issues in what psychiatrists call 'cognitive dissidence.' Briefly, I had to face the low life I had become as compared to the person I thought I was. I went so schizophrenic that my patient wife almost had me committed. In fact, I was discussing that issue with my family doctor about that time.

    I was on resperdahl for about three months. Then a roller coaster of Wellbutrin, Geodon, Trazadone and a gypsy woman who swung a howler monkey around my head. I was in bed for over a month. Almost by dumb luck, we found a meds regimen that seems to work.

    I tried, unsuccessfully, at one more attempt at credit management. Then, out of work, I decided to go back to the beginning and do it right. Perhaps 'the biker' had some strengths I needed, and perhaps he needed 'me.'

    I started my own company, ripped apart a perfectly good Harley-Davidson and adopted two naughty Bichon Frise.' And my wife had been there all the while.

    While it's not the bodice-ripper tale you might have imagined, I'm happier now at 55 than ever before. I'm stronger, faster and clearer than I thought possible.

    I've called everyone I've ever lied to and admitted the lies and wrongdoing of that past. Only one woman has closed the door to me.

    The future is murky, but not scary. I still fight with the faithful of my church. In fact, I just called my Pastor and declined a seat on the church board of finance that was given to me by unanimous vote.

    Not what you thought, heh?

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Tourist
    Hate to shake you, son, but the four days it took the waxer to de-nude Bumper's back and thighs is full of more action packed drama.
    How did you know how long it took for him to de-fur me?
    Bumper
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

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    Member Array ebd10's Avatar
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    Not what you thought, heh?
    What I thought was that it must of taken a backtrack through hell to get to the point where you could go to Heaven. I was right. My own walk probably paralleled a few of your paths. I was never in "the life" but I was enough of a jerk that I'm lucky to be here today. Best part of it all? At 43, I've got 2 little boys keeping me young and a beautiful wife keeping me civilized. The song "Amazing Grace" describes me right down to my feet.

    The life I led before gave me some valuable tools for survival. What others have had to get training to learn, I grew up knowing. I was mean enough to make it up to The Day of my Salvation, now I'm smart enough to want my children to never have to go through that. Funny thing though, I used to be braver before I had kids....

  6. #5
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    I used to be braver
    If there is one truth that surprises many younger guys, this is it.

    I think the real interpretation here is "I used to be more foolhardy." And I wish there was some way to bottle this and sell it to those coming up.

    When you investigate the life of any role model, their prose is almost always the same. "I am not a hero. I did wrong. I was a fool. I wish I would have done better. I wish I had treated my wife better."

    I have had trouble shaking Doug's funeral. There were more bikers there than family, a sea of black leather. And they played his favorite song, "Live Like You Were Dying." And we buried him at the age of 33.

    If you're drinking, stop it. Really get to know the woman you claim to love. Do not follow the warriors and the chest-thumpers, just walk away from that entire lifestyle; you want to do something hard, try making peace. You want to see real tough guys? Volunteer at a Vets' Hospital. Pray for spirituality.

    You know, this week we talked about another biker, Sonny Barger. As one of the toughest bikers to ever ride, he is revered for what he built, not for what he destroyed.

  7. #6
    Member Array ebd10's Avatar
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    he is revered for what he built, not for what he destroyed.
    And that, my brother, is the common thread in the fiber of all truly great men.

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    Thumbs up

    My hat's off to you friend. This board has class. Proud to associate.

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array CombatEffective's Avatar
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    Good for you and your family. It's amazing just how much strength the "weaker sex" has isn't it? How they put up with us I don't know. I really respect your comments about getting to know your wife better. This touches a chord with me. We just had a 6th wedding anniversary this past Sunday. We have been together for over 11 years. I thought I knew everything about her until I saw her strength as she went through a brutal child birth last March without so much of a wimper, and then she tried to apologize to me for not being able to deliver and having to have a C-section. To be honest with you, after seeing how tough she really is I'm actually a little scared of her now. :)

    As of late I have reverted back to taking her a little for granted. Reading your comments has put my mind back on track as to what I need to do.

    Thank you, sir.
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