New Military Oaths

New Military Oaths

This is a discussion on New Military Oaths within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A funny :) All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the ...

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Thread: New Military Oaths

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Spirit51's Avatar
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    New Military Oaths

    A funny :)

    All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked changes and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function.

    US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!

    ____________________ Signature ____________________ Date



    US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!

    _____________________ Signature _____________________ Date



    US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!

    ______________________ Signature ______________________ Date



    US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt...cammies.... ugh...Air Force women....HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS!

    X____________________ Thumb Print _____________________ Date


    This is done with humor and great love and respect.
    A woman must not depend on protection by men. A woman must learn to protect herself.
    Susan B. Anthony
    A armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one has to back it up with his life.
    Robert Heinlein


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Spirit51's Avatar
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    I hope this didn't make anyone angery. I guess I will find out when hubby....the Marine...sees it. It is offered in humor.
    A woman must not depend on protection by men. A woman must learn to protect herself.
    Susan B. Anthony
    A armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one has to back it up with his life.
    Robert Heinlein

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    Who could get mad at that? That's funny.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    FYI: No more bike test for AF....yes, it was lame to begin with.

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    Member Array Wiggy's Avatar
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    Oh My God that's funny!!!

    The AF has a PT test that is over complicated and on a point based system now. Basically, 50% of your score is a waist measurement. And another 15% or so is the time you can run a mile and a half. The rest is push ups and sit ups. Takes about 20 minutes to do the whole test.
    Eat a moose... 50,000 wolves can't be wrong.

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    Senior Member Array cagueits's Avatar
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    Post You Left Out the Coasties...

    I was an Officer in the USCGR for six years. I don't remember the "OATH", but it involved a lot of risk. One of the abilities required of our 'fearless' organization was to be over 6 feet tall. That was because if the boat sank, one had to be able to walk to shore.

    As with all above...respectfully submitted, of course!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  8. #8
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiggy View Post
    Oh My God that's funny!!!

    The AF has a PT test that is over complicated and on a point based system now. Basically, 50% of your score is a waist measurement. And another 15% or so is the time you can run a mile and a half. The rest is push ups and sit ups. Takes about 20 minutes to do the whole test.
    Run time is 50% of score
    Waist measurement is 30% of score
    Situps/crunches is 10% of score
    Pushups is 10% of score

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    Member Array Deacon51's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIGguy229 View Post
    FYI: No more bike test for AF....yes, it was lame to begin with.
    Did you know the Navy went to a bike test last year? lol

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    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    I'm AD Navy......We went to a bike test?!?
    I musta missed that.

    We ought to, my fat butt is tired of the "run, jump, & puke" test.
    I'm High drag, low speed.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

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    Member Array Deacon51's Avatar
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    Yes, AD Navy... see NAVADMIN 11/07

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    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    I am retired Navy (29 years ago) and I still remember all of those words.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

  13. #13
    Member Array Deacon51's Avatar
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    Yeah, Chief... but do you still use them?

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    Cheers,
    Rod
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

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    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    Anyone who is offended by this one has too much time on his hands!

    It's pretty doggoned funny.
    "...bad decisions that turn out well often make heroes."


    Gary D. Mitchell, A Sniper's Journey: The Truth About the Man and the Rifle, P. 103, NAL Caliber books, 2006, 1st Ed.

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