How to drive in Phoenix, Az

How to drive in Phoenix, Az

This is a discussion on How to drive in Phoenix, Az within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; If you live here or ever visited, this is a fairly accurate description (especially #6). :mrgreen: 1. " Phoenix " actually consists of Scottsdale, Chandler, ...

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Thread: How to drive in Phoenix, Az

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Packman73's Avatar
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    How to drive in Phoenix, Az

    If you live here or ever visited, this is a fairly accurate description (especially #6). :mrgreen:

    1. " Phoenix " actually consists of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Glendale, Surprise, and half of the Mexican border.

    2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

    3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".

    4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler
    go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

    5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended.

    6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's an offense that can get you shot.

    7. Road construction is permanent in Phoenix Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to
    make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

    8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, rabbits, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

    9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. The SR 51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy to pronounce. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

    10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

    11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

    12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    I once lived in Tucson. I found it easy to drive through Phoenix if you keep your eyes shut...

    P.S. Hilarious!!
    John
    Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    "Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party

    Lifetime NRA member

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    Some changes and I could swear your are an expert about driving in Miami!
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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    Distinguished Member Array Squawker's Avatar
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    Sounds a lot like here in Las Vegas. And as far as "7. Road construction is permanent in Phoenix Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting."
    Here in Vegas, construction is so prevalent that Nevada is considering changing our state bird to the "crane"!

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    Senior Member Array firefighter4884's Avatar
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    I swear... that sounds almost like driving in Northern NJ!!!!

    God I love IN!!! :)
    Firefighter / EMT - Always Ready. Ever Willing.

    ~Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics...~

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array A1C Lickey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by firefighter4884 View Post
    I swear... that sounds almost like driving in Northern NJ!!!!

    God I love IN!!! :)
    It sounds like it, but it is MUCH worse. I grew up in New York. Let me be more specific, I grew up driving in New York City and Northern New Jersey. Nothing I had ever seen could ever prepare me for driving in Phoenix. There is no place else like it in the states. The closet thing I've seen to it was when I lived in Bombay.
    TSgt. Lickey

    It takes a college degree to break'em;
    and a high school education to fix'em!

  7. #7
    Member Array 1911NM's Avatar
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    I applaud the OP for clarifying the Phx. driving rules. I am in that area several times a year, and while attempting to "blend" with the local traffic it has become horrifically apparent to me, my poor old diesel has a speed limiter of 90mph. Never have even been close to the left lane of 101 loop.
    NRA, USPSA SS & Lim-10
    Blessed are they who, faced with danger, think only of the front sight. J. Cooper

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    VIP Member Array packinnova's Avatar
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    Look the simple solution is that when in doubt in an area like that...just make sure you're driving the biggest truck. Always worked for me Not many tend to argue with a 3/4 ton dodge jacked up with 38" tires and a bull bar from hell on it.
    "My God David, We're a Civilized society."

    "Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the crap out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
    -The Mist (2007)

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    Distinguished Member Array SixBravo's Avatar
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    I drive in Phoenix weekly. I stopped laughing after number two. Not because it wasn't funny... but because of how true all of that is.
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    "It is enough to note, as we have observed, that the American people have considered the handgun to be the quintessential self-defense weapon." - Justice Scalia, SCOTUS - DC v Heller - 26 JUN 2008

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