Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school

This is a discussion on Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are ...

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Thread: Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school

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    Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school

    Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
    collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
    essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
    teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
    gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
    like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
    guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
    those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
    speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
    without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
    room-temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
    just before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
    because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
    at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    bowling ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
    filled with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
    eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
    and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
    you fry them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
    the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
    left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
    at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
    that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
    had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
    the East River.

    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
    only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
    this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a
    land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender
    leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
    with power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
    as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    My favorites are 5, 10 and 20...........
    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ: Buy These Stickers Here

    "A man without ethics is a wild beast loosed upon the world" Albert Camus

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    Absolutely wonderful!!! Thanks!!

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    All were great, but 11, 15, 17, and 23 were my favorites. Thanks for the laugh.

    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

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    Member Array xd.40sub's Avatar
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    10 20 22 litterally lol
    do what you can with what you have where you are at (theodore roosevelt)

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    VIP Member Array simon's Avatar
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    That's really funny...4,10, on the keyboard!

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    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    AW Man......that's funny right there!

    Even funnier, I've got FITREP's/EVALS coming up.......I shouldn't read those!
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    "Sometimes when you're making gumbo, people just show up.", Leah Chase

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    I got a smile on my face this morning.
    A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more peace and content in life than simply being a good husband and father.

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    Senior Member Array rabywk's Avatar
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    You gotta love young minds.
    NRA Rifle Coach
    NRA Pistol Instructor
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    --- Some of the friendliest people I have ever talked to are gun owners and shooters and according to the gun activists we are the mass murders and felons of the nation???

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    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    Ah, language. It's like a collection of words or phrases that can be spoken or written . . .
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

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    Now that half my coworkers are wondering why I'm trying to stifle my laughing, I'm going to have to forward this.
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

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    Member Array ShadeAngel's Avatar
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    So am I the only one who think that 24 is not only funny, but pretty much spot on?
    "You can't shake the devils hand and say you were only kidding"

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    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
    "The ships hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don't."

    "and suddenly I can not hold back my sword hand's anger"

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    5,20,22. You just can't make this stuff up. Oh, wait. They did. OK... I couldn't make this stuff up.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    Distinguished Member Array AnimalKracker's Avatar
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    That was so funny I coughed up a lung -- or something that looked kinda like a lung.

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