September 24th, 2007 09:16 PM
Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a
land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
My favorites are 5, 10 and 20...........
September 24th, 2007 10:11 PM
Absolutely wonderful!!! Thanks!!
September 24th, 2007 11:34 PM
All were great, but 11, 15, 17, and 23 were my favorites. Thanks for the laugh.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein
September 25th, 2007 12:26 AM
do what you can with what you have where you are at (theodore roosevelt)
September 25th, 2007 07:17 AM
That's really funny...4,10,25...coffee on the keyboard!
September 25th, 2007 07:28 AM
AW Man......that's funny right there!
Even funnier, I've got FITREP's/EVALS coming up.......I shouldn't read those!
"Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008
(Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay
September 25th, 2007 09:01 AM
I got a smile on my face this morning.
“You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”
― Robert A. Heinlein,
September 25th, 2007 09:21 AM
You gotta love young minds.
NRA Rifle Coach
NRA Pistol Instructor
NRA Personal Protection In the Home Instructor
--- Some of the friendliest people I have ever talked to are gun owners and shooters and according to the gun activists we are the mass murders and felons of the nation???
September 25th, 2007 09:59 AM
Ah, language. It's like a collection of words or phrases that can be spoken or written . . .
"We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters
September 25th, 2007 11:16 AM
September 25th, 2007 11:52 AM
Now that half my coworkers are wondering why I'm trying to stifle my laughing, I'm going to have to forward this.
"Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa
September 25th, 2007 01:46 PM
September 25th, 2007 06:17 PM
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
"The ships hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don't."
September 25th, 2007 07:48 PM
5,20,22. You just can't make this stuff up. Oh, wait. They did. OK... I couldn't make this stuff up.
The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD
September 25th, 2007 09:14 PM
That was so funny I coughed up a lung -- or something that looked kinda like a lung.
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