A few good strong women

This is a discussion on A few good strong women within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I received this in my email and my reason for posting is good men everywhere should just read this and not be swayed to think ...

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Thread: A few good strong women

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    A few good strong women

    I received this in my email and my reason for posting is good men everywhere should just read this and not be swayed to think other than women deserve the best. So if you have a spare Wilson .45 or other give it to your wife in appreciation for her strong support.

    How many men does it take to open a beer?

    None. It should be opened when she brings it.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    How do you fix a woman's watch?

    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why do men fart more than women?

    Because women can't shut up long enough to

    build up the required pressure.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Women will never be equal to men until they can

    walk down the street with a bald head and a beer

    gut, and still think they are sexy.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

    Then God created Man and rested.

    Then God created Woman.

    Since then, neither ! God nor Man has rested.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    As you slide down the banister of life,
    May the splinters never point the wrong way.
    ---
    NRA Life Member

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  3. #2
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    This astounds me. I've been known to make humorous comments, which really offended no one, and the material got censored because one or two mods felt it was inappropriate. That's fine, it's their forum, if that's the rule I'll abide by it.

    But I'm making a copy of these 'jokes' and this afternoon I'm taking the day off to go to the Harley shop. I'll show these 'jokes' to a few of women who come driving up on Fat Boys most men aren't ballsy enough to ride. I'd like their opinion.

    Humor is subjective--as you keep telling me. And Betty did approve one pic I thought pushed the line.

    But, good mod, my wife is also blanketed by the implications of these comments. And quite frankly, if this conversation was in a real room and not hyper-space, I'd turn my back when she landed on you.

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    Excellent! You have to have a sense of humor.
    DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.

    Certified Instructor for Minnesota Carry Permit
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  5. #4
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    sorry i dont see anything wrong with um either old lady thought it was funny and shes from the south

  6. #5
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    Good grief. Lighten up. Either you let us women (as individuals) decide what offends us, or you're just another man who thinks we are incapable of arriving at such conclusions, which would put you in the same boat as what you're thinking the creator of those jokes is in. And even one woman or several women can't determine what other women are offended by. [sexistjoke]Heck, like we can make up our own minds half the time.[/sexistjoke]

    I think the jokes are pretty doggone funny, and that is my individual, female opinion. You also have to take things in context. Is FortyFive out to deliberately demean women, specifically the female members of these boards, with some thinly-veiled anti-feminist agenda, or is he just an online pal cracking jokes with his online pals?

    And if you still haven't figured out that your post deletions are a result of you rambling into completely off-topic tangents and ruining otherwise good, on-topic threads, I can't help you there.
    Last edited by Betty; June 22nd, 2005 at 07:26 PM. Reason: typos
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

  7. #6
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    Right On Betty, A shinning example of a perfect reply.
    Heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it has to be done, regardless of the consequences

    "I like when the enemy shoots at me; then I know where the ******** are and can kill them."
    ~George Patton

    DE OPPRESSO LIBER

  8. #7
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    That's funny, I showed them to two biker babes and they told me they don't shag beer for anyone. I guess the closer you get to Milwaukee, the tougher the stock. My wife hasn't seen these yet.

    Don't make assumptions for all females. I sat having a cold one with Libby at Capital today. Bikes come and go all day. Sometimes you can't tell male from female until they strip the leather off. Over 2/3's of the conversation at a bike shop is shuck. Putting some one down is a reason to fight. Telling a female biker (and yes, they refer to themselves as 'babes') they're not as smart as men, talk all of the time and are only good to fetch beer is going to draw heat.

    And don't look to me bail you out. Even I thought these jokes were tasteless.

    Let's get a fair accessment. A copy was just posted on VTF.

  9. #8
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    Thumbs up FortyFive ~ They Were Funny!

    There is a heap more freedom to post "whatever" in the Humor & Off Topic area of the forum.
    That is because no forum members need ever enter the "Off Topic" area of the forum in order to gather & research desired Concealed Carry & other Firearm & Carry related information.
    Tourist...I don't think that any thread that you've posted in the Humor & Off Topic area has ever been deleted from here.
    Putting the shoe on the other foot any female can feel free to post humorous "male/guy" one liners here & I'll sure not feel offended.

  10. #9
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    Don't make assumptions for all females.
    Please bother reading my entire post: "And even one woman or several women can't determine what other women are offended by....I think the jokes are pretty doggone funny, and that is my individual, female opinion." To restate: I'm asking you, a man, not to make assumptions for all females, because it's kinda hard stepping into our shoes when you're the wrong gender. I'm telling you, as a female, what my individual opinion on the matter is. I'm not speaking for all women - just me.

    Go ahead and get a sample survey done; it still won't change a thing. Some of us will think it's funny, and others will not. Your VTF survey may lean one way, and a survey on another forum will lean another. Who's right? We all have our own opinions.

    And it's my opinion that it's annoying that it's a man who's trying to decide what women are or aren't offended by. That is sexist.

    Of course there are always a line between jokes and downright cruel, demeaning words. I've experienced both, and I know where those lines are for me. And it's my individual, female opinion that taken in context, FortyFive is just cracking harmless jokes with his buds.

    With that said, I'm going to add some potpourri to the combatcarry.com toilet. Too many men make a bathroom smell funny.

    And don't worry, I won't be asking you "bail me out." I love it when mrshonts opens the door for me, but I don't need you to "bail me out" of a humor-fest between online buddies. It's healthy to laugh at yourself once in a while.
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

  11. #10
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    Let's Even It Right Up ~ Here Ya Go Folks!!!

    How are husbands like lawn mowers?
    They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

    How do men exercise on the beach?
    By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

    How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
    Make him wear shoes.

    How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

    How does a man show he's planning for the future?
    He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

    How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
    Two. If you slice them very thinly.

    What did God say after creating man?
    I can do so much better.

    What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
    Any place without a drive-up window.

    What do you call a handcuffed man?
    Trustworthy.

    What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    You didn't hold the pillow down over his face long enough.

    What do you call a man with half a brain?
    Gifted.

    What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
    A power failure.

    What should you give a man who has everything?
    A woman to show him how to work it.

    How can you tell when a man is well hung?
    When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

    Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
    Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

    Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
    Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
    Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

    Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
    Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

    What do men and mascara have in common?
    They both run at the first sign of emotion.

    What do men and pantyhose have in common?
    They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

    What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
    His wife is good at picking out clothes.

    What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
    Four guys watching a football game.

    What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
    The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

    What is the difference between men and women?
    A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
    Sex.

    What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
    Telling you his real name.

    What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
    Put the remote control between his toes.

    What's the best way to kill a man?
    Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

    What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
    Big Foot's been spotted several times.

    What's the smartest thing a man can say?
    "My wife says..."

    Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
    So men can understand them.

    Why can't men get mad cow disease?
    Because they're all pigs.

    Why did God create man before woman?
    He didn't want any advice.

    Why did God create man before woman?
    Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

    Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
    To knock the penises off the smart ones.

    Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
    To stop the snoring before it starts.

    Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
    To keep them from grazing.

    Why do little boys whine?
    Because they are practicing to be men.

    Why do men like smart women?
    Opposites attract.

    Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
    When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

    Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
    They all already have boyfriends
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array Prospector's Avatar
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    pssssss! Whew! boy it's gettin warm in here!
    "Endeavor To Persevere"
    Chief Dan George

  13. #12
    Former Member Array The Tourist's Avatar
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    That's not the point.

    When liberals tell jokes about toothless yoopers who hunt deer all day long, or categorize all gun enthusiasts as "paranoid militia men" then all of a sudden self-effacing humor isn't so funny.

    The jokes are always funnier when you personally are not the butt end of a joke.

    Now, Betty, you have a great sense of humor--in fact, you and I joke. But let's say one of these jokes was about a guy who owns a dirty 10 gauge shotgun. The punchline is "My wife's a tiny Vietnamese woman--I give her a toothbrush and a can of Hoppe's Number 9 and slide her in." Heck, I know about a dozen guys I ride with that would think that's funny, right now.

    Dumb wife jokes are a throw-back to the 1950's. They insult and demean people. It was a thoughtless and ignorant addition to CCW.

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    Ok its gone about far enough its a joke get over it ...

    Now your making personal ..If you want to persist i can alot a few days away from the forum for ya ...Nuff Said??

  15. #14
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    Post Huge Difference

    It's a question of degree.
    There is a huge difference concerning mild & humorous "one liners" that are just generally about Men ~ Women ~ Husbands ~ Wives ~ Aliens ~ Earthlings etc. - than being intentionally degrading, hateful, & malicious toward a specific race, nationality or religion.
    I don't see any of that in FortyFive's one liners.

  16. #15
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    Well, see, Tourist. You're not the butt of the jokes here. I am, because I'm female.

    As for the Viet joke, I love my mother and I can still call that joke funny. Mom's 5 foot tall, strong as a tank, always speaks in present tense, has a flat nose a mile wide, can't pronounce my first name right, and makes R. Lee Ermey look like a big sissy. She comes back from Viet Nam this Friday, which means she'll be having a hard time switching back over to English for the next 24 hours... which means she'll be the butt of plenty of jokes in what little broken Vietnamese I know. And she knows that in context, I'm not trying to demean her.
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

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