Lou Costello needs a computer....

Lou Costello needs a computer....

This is a discussion on Lou Costello needs a computer.... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; BUD ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. How may I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about ...

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Thread: Lou Costello needs a computer....

  1. #1
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    Lou Costello needs a computer....

    BUD ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. How may I help you?

    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?

    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?

    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOTT: I just did.

    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommend something.

    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in Office.

    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

    ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

    COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

    ABBOTT: Real One.

    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

    ABBOTT: Of course.

    COSTELLO: Great! With what?

    ABBOTT: Real One.

    COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

    ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1".

    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

    COSTELLO: It is?

    ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

    COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

    ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

    COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

    ABBOTT: One copy.

    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

    (A few days later)

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

    ABBOTT: Click on "START"...
    "The pistol, learn it well, carry it always ..." ~ Jeff Cooper

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