This post hits hard with me. I was addicted to meth for 3-4 years. Have been totally clean and trying to get my life back for 2 1/2 yrs now. It has been a long hard road. Not all methheads look like that...the people in those pics probably have other things wrong with them, like for instance disease...or they have been using what people call 'bathtub crank'...which is composed of even more of the deadly chemicals than the normal meth, or ice is.
Meth is a very addictive drug...most people use just once and are hooked, which is what happened to me. The feeling is very euphoric to begin with, and you are filled with more energy than you have ever had. Thats how you get hooked. Then after awhile, you are just chasing that same feeling, but you never get it.
Reality is not as it seems...time is not what it seems. You lose yourself to this terrible drug. I agree that it will be the downfall of the U.S. if not controlled....so many young people are trying it now, and ultimately becoming hooked. I was dating a 'cook', so the substance was readily available to me, but I have seen people do terrible things to obtain it...steal, hurt people, rob places...it has a power over them that they cannot control. It had its meth covered claws dug into me for a long time. I endured verbal and physical abuse from the weak male that was supposed to love me, b/c the drug made me feel as if I deserved that...I felt like I was a bad person and I deserved to be beaten, degraded, tortured, and imprisoned in my own home.
Meth heads are paranoid too...I could not leave the room from this coward b/c he was paranoid. I had to walk with my eyes to the ground when we went places, to avoid the beating I would get if I didnt. The drug made me feel as if this was the way it should be...and the addiction to it made me afraid to leave...his threats made me fear leaving, also, but all in all, it was the drug. I looked into the mirror one day, and I couldnt see myself anymore. All I saw was a bruised drug addict, and I knew that wasn't me. I knew that I had been beat by not only that s-o-b, but also by the drug. From that day on I prayed every moment....I prayed for police, I prayed for miracles, I prayed for change. I did less and less of the drug...trying to wean myself away from it...w/o it, I had something. W/o it, I had power.
Then one day they came. Sheriffs, city cops, state cops, bomb squad, sharpshooter sitting in the feild out back, DEA, Narc officers....the whole freakin calvary was there. And I cried...tears of joy. They took him away, 10 felonies, and a federal charge. Dubbed him the 'counties most dangerous man'. They had been watching us and the house for 6 months and knew about the abuse and what had been going on. So they gave me a felony maintaining a common nuisance charge, which I got dropped to a misdomeaner. They knew that I was just lost, and that they could help me help myself. Which I did.
I am damn proud of how far I have come. I am still picking up peices of my life...still healing myself and my daughter (who was staying with my parents for most of this time). I will never get back the time I lost with her...the things I missed b/c of my addiction...and that breaks my heart. I yearn to have that time back...but I cant. So I make every moment count now. She is my world, and I screwed up...but it was not in vain. I realize what I lost and cherish every day I have now...cherish every moment I have with her and take NOTHING for granted. There is alot more to my story but this is the jist of it. I am a good hearted person. I am a good woman. I am a preachers daughter. I made good grades. Was in 4-h and band. I was a damn good wife and mother. But for all these things that were good...and all the good intentions I ever had and acted on, meth still got ahold of me. After just one time of 'trying' it.
Now, I help anyone I can who is wrapped in its icy grip. I talk to girls/women at our meetings abt the abuse, about the recovery, abt how they can get out too. The main officer on the raid wants me to speak about the tragedy of crystal meth...wants me to help a wider group of people, just speaking about my whole story. I plan on writing a book about what happened...if I can help one person I would feel accomplished...but helping many is my goal. It takes more than just a 'drugs are bad' speech to help....it takes more than just incarceration...meth is a very complex situation, and just being told 'bad' is not going to make anyone realize what is happening to them.
My selfish little world crumbled the day of the arrest...but I have created a empire out of the ashes. And I know others can do the same. Yes, we are all equipped with the tools to make decisions, but once you are in the world of meth, it is not that simple to make a change. The day of the raid, was the last day I touched the stuff. I had had enough. There was my chance for escape and I took it. Only 10% of users quit and never use meth again. The remaining percentage either use till the go to prison, either b/c they have hurt others or commited heinous acts against others to get their poison...or they die. My heart goes out to them...b/c they might not have the means to get out of their situation like I did. They may never get out.
Today, I can hold my head up high, breathe in the world around me and be proud and thankful for what I have achieved. I am part of that 10%. I made it out.