Inspired By Captain Crunch Doublespeak Proverbs

[QKShooter]

If a large solid-hoofed mammal becomes available to you without compensation, refrain from casting your faculty for seeing into the oral cavity of such a creature.

... Answer ... Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!


Each vaporous mass suspended in the firmament has an interior decoration of metallic hue.

... Answer ... Every cloud has a silver lining.


It is not advantageous to place the sum total of your barnyard collections into the same wicker receptacle.

... Answer ... Don't put all your eggs in one basket!


Feathered bipeds of a kindred mind in their segregated environment associate with a high degree of amiability.

... Answer ... Birds of a feather flock together!


Deviation from the ordinary or common routine of existence is that which gives zest to man's cycle of existence.

... Answer ... Variety is the spice of life!


He who locks himself into the arms of Morpheus promptly at eventide, and starts the day before it is officially announced by the rising sun, excels in physical fitness, increases his economic assets and celebrates with remarkable efficiency.

... Answer ... Early to bed, and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise!


Do not traverse a structure erected to afford passage over a waterway until the time of drawing nigh unto it.

... Answer ... Don't cross that bridge until you come to it.


Superfluous chronological dispatch institutes riddance of valued effects.

... Answer ... Haste makes waste.


There’s no value to be derived from demanding attention by loud screeches over fallen white liquid derived from the lactic glands of a female bovine.

... Answer ... No use crying over spilled milk!


An excess of culinary experts impairs the quality of a thin derivative of meat.

... Answer ... Too many cooks spoil the broth!


A body of persons abiding in a domicile of silica combined with metallic oxides should not carelessly project small geological specimens.

... Answer ... People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!

A canine which gives vent to his sentiments by a series of vocal efforts, rarely finds use of his bicuspids.

... Answer ... His bark is worse than his bite!


A vessel under optical supervision never reaches the temperature of 212 degrees.

... Answer ... A watched pot never boils!


A consolidated mass which forms the earth's crust, and which progresses by turning over upon its surface without slipping, does not successfully gather together a cryptogamous plant.

or

A mobile section of petrified matter agglomerates no bryophytes.
... Answer ... A rolling stone gathers no moss!


The placement of the termination as precedent of the commencement should never be assessed.

... Answer ... The ends do not justify the means!


Never situate the conveyance and its accouterments forward of the perambulating, ambulatory equine.

... Answer ... Don't put the cart before the horse!


A chronic disposition to inquiry deprived the domestic feline carnivorous quadruped of its vital quality.

... Answer ... Curiosity killed the cat.


An individual who vacillates when there is need of action will find himself beyond the hope of future success.

... Answer ... He who hesitates, loses.


Refrain from enumerating your poultry precursory to their incubation and emergence from their embryonic habitat.

... Answer ... Don't count your chickens before they are hatched!


Exercise your visual facilities prior to executing a jump.

... Answer ... Look before you leap!


A feathered biped in the terminal part of the arm equals in value a pair of feathered bipeds in densely branched shrubbery.

... Answer ... A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.


Everything is legitimate in matters pertaining to ardent affection and armed conflict between nations.

... Answer ... All's fair in love and war!


The herbage is customarily more verduous on the diametrical selvage of the property barrier.

... Answer ... The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.


A single unit of a seam properly distributed at the correct measure of duration will maintain a square root of 81.

... Answer ... A stitch in time saves nine!


Any object that ascends into the stratosphere irrevocably and inevitably descends to terra firma.

... Answer ... What goes up, must come down!


Taciturnity is aurous.

... Answer ... Silence is golden!


Splintered wood and mineral chunks can rupture my skeletal system, but nomenclatures do not injure me.

... Answer ... Sticks and stones may break my bones,but words can never hurt me.


An amorous attraction to a financial medium of exchange is the source of everything sinful.

... Answer ... Love of money is the root of all evil.


Visualizing is the equivalent to having faith.

... Answer ... Seeing is believing.


Pulchritude pertains solely to the epidermis.

... Answer ... Beauty is only skin deep.


Immature homo sapiens should be endowed with visibility but not oral facilities.

... Answer ... Children should be seen and not heard.


If primary failure is imminent, new attempts should be made repetitiously.

... Answer ... If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!


A ferrous alloy rope fashioned of interlocking loops is only as hearty as its least potent section.

... Answer ... A chain is only as potent as its weakest link.


One more than one is a congenial group of invited guests, but one more than two is a multitude.

... Answer ... Two's company, three's a crowd.


Hemoglobin is more viscous than H2O

... Answer ... Blood is thicker than water.


Perambulate in moccasins, and shoulder a gargantuan wooden rail.

... Answer ... Walk softly and carry a big stick.


Allow somnolent quadrupeds that are homo sapien's greatest comrades to remain reclining.

... Answer ... Let sleeping dogs lie.


Lack of what is required is the matriarch of inspiration.

... Answer ... Necessity is the mother of invention.


A maximum amount of purposeful activity and a minimum amount of disport and dalliance cause Jack to become a dim-witted, stagnant dunce of the male species.

... Answer ... All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.


That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal facility.

... Answer ... Easy come, easy go.


It is more desirable to arrive in the medium of time which constitutes a later than desirable hour or date than not to arrive at all.

... Answer ... Better late than never.


A red fruit of the Maius family absorbed into the digestive system every 1,440 minutes or 86,400 seconds, keeps a physician from your presence.

... Answer ... An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[Dakotaranger]

Your way to smart for our own good.

[raevan]

a leason in doublespeak.

[GBS]

Ya know, I could get you a job on the college campus...
But ya hav-ta talk that way ALL the time...

[Captain Crunch]

You are wise, Grasshopper!

[BlackBear]

Heh, that reads like some of my college papers. I always tried to be concise, but my professors always wanted more pages than I could produce. Consequently, this extraneous requirement necessitated that I endeavor to expound upon and superfluously extrapolate my treatises to sufficient length as to satisfy the demands of my academician. (Answer: I had to make the papers longer.)

The only one I had issue with was this: "Hemoglobin is more viscous than H2O"

It's kind pedantic, but hemoglobin is only the molecule contained within erythrocytes which actually binds oxygen. Hemoglobin itself does not constitute the entire makeup of blood.

Crap, I've got to stop this.

[QKShooter]

Yes, the "Blood Is Thicker Than Water" needs some work.
Good catch.

[BlackBear]

I don't know about the blood part, but for maximum verbiage on the water end you could use "dihydrogen monoxide"

On a related note, if you want to see something really funny, visit this site:

http://www.dhmo.org/

[Miggy]

Will this work?

The composition of the hematic fluid is more viscous than hydrogenated oxygen.

[Scot Van]

Three rodents with defective vision.
Three rodents with defective vision.
Notice how they perambulate.
Notice how they perambulate.
Each one took after the agriculturist's spouse
She cut of their appendages with a slicing utensil
Have you ever witnessed such a spectacle in your existence
As three rodents with defective vision?

[4my son]

My head hurts,

This thread needs a warning, (Do not read first thing in the morning, or at least wait until your coffee kicks in first)

I'll come back in a while and sure to enjoy it then,

[QKShooter]

Three rodents with defective vision.
Three rodents with defective vision.
Notice how they perambulate.
Notice how they perambulate.
Each one took after the agriculturist's spouse
She cut of their appendages with a slicing utensil
Have you ever witnessed such a spectacle in your existence
As three rodents with defective vision?

[Scot Van]

Heh, that reads like some of my college papers. I always tried to be concise, but my professors always wanted more pages than I could produce. Consequently, this extraneous requirement necessitated that I endeavor to expound upon and superfluously extrapolate my treatises to sufficient length as to satisfy the demands of my academician. (Answer: I had to make the papers longer.)

The only one I had issue with was this: "Hemoglobin is more viscous than H2O"

It's kind pedantic, but hemoglobin is only the molecule contained within erythrocytes which actually binds oxygen. Hemoglobin itself does not constitute the entire makeup of blood.

Crap, I've got to stop this.

PLEASE stop it.

(just kidding)

[pgrass101]

I haven't had enough of a brevage brewed by roasting the fruit of the Coffea canephora plant, then grinding said roasted fruit, taking the before mention ground roasted fruit and combining it with Dihydrogen Monoxide, which has been heated to 100 degrees Celius for atleast 5 minutes, for this discussion.

[swiftyjuan]

This really makes me glad it's Friday. I'm going downstairs for some coffea canephora stuff now..