[SPAM] New directions

This is a discussion on [SPAM] New directions within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; New Directions for the war on terrorists. "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 " I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too ...

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Thread: [SPAM] New directions

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking [SPAM] New directions

    New Directions for the war on terrorists.

    "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.






    For starters:




    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.&nbs p; Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some butthole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.








    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.




    Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical sob.









    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.






    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.






    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."



    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.






    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.






    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them!!!.






    If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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  3. #2
    Distinguished Member
    Array SleepingZ's Avatar
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    Nice, very nice


    Z
    An ounce of lead is worth 200lbs of cop.

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    If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.
    That's for sure

    Great piece of fun - give the young folks time to get in their enjoyment first - let us cranky curmudgeons get at em

    (coupla mini edits!).
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    border patrol here ....fer sure !
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

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    Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical sob.
    I need to go pee now! Laughing too hard.....
    Richard

    NRA Life Member

    "But if they don't exist, how can a man see them?"

    "You may think I'm pompous, but actually I'm pedantic... let me explain the difference."

    "Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything."

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    VIP Member Array ELCruisr's Avatar
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    What were we talking about? Guns, peeing at cranky borders? Ah, lets go shootin'
    If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. ~ Thomas J. Watson, Jr.

  8. #7
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    Some good points there...

    The 'gray' hair border patrol is a great idea...it would be closed in a day.

    The sex thing is true to...I guess I think about sex about twice a day also...I just can't remember which day that was...

    Stay armed...stay safe!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    Senior Member Array Slim_45's Avatar
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    This is probably the funniest thing ive ever read

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    Distinguished Member Array airslot's Avatar
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    How does that old saying go??? Oh yea " youth and enthusiasm are no match for OLD AGE and treachery"
    The situation will NEVER BE THE WAY YOU WANT, it WILL BE THE WAY IT IS. You must be FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO ADAPT and just "DEAL WITH IT".

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array flagflyfish's Avatar
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    Thanks Sheldon J, Now I gotta clean the coffee off of my screen!
    "These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier
    and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the
    service of his country; but he that stands it now, deserves the
    love and thanks of man and woman."

    -- Thomas Paine (The American Crisis, No. 1, 19 December 1776)

  12. #11
    Moderator
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    The proposal:

    Build a series of retirement villages all along the border. Each village would be 1/4 to 1/2 mile distant from the next. Arm the occupants with all appropriate "tools".

    Solution seeking a problem:

    Bored elderly
    Daily and nightly activities
    Low cost alternative - the folks pay for their room and board

    Result:

    ?????????
    Richard

    NRA Life Member

    "But if they don't exist, how can a man see them?"

    "You may think I'm pompous, but actually I'm pedantic... let me explain the difference."

    "Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything."

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    Thank you yet again Sheldon. I have to clean diet coke off my screen, and go pee! Now which one is the bathroom?
    John
    Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    "Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party

    Lifetime NRA member

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking

    Sorry about the computer screen and thanks for the edit.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  15. #14
    Senior Member Array Andy W.'s Avatar
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    Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day
    True, but each time lasts about 12 hours.
    America: Your government is not ignoring you, it's insulting you.

    The Bill of Rights: Void where prohibited by law.

  16. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy W. View Post
    True, but each time lasts about 12 hours.
    Ahhh! The wonders of modern medicine! I thought it lasted up to 36 hours.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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