[SPAM] New directions

[Sheldon J]

New Directions for the war on terrorists.

"Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.






For starters:




Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.&nbs p; Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some butthole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.








An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.




Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical sob.









If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.






Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.






They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."



Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.






An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.






Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them!!!.






If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[SleepingZ]

Nice, very nice


Z

[P95Carry]

If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.

That's for sure

Great piece of fun - give the young folks time to get in their enjoyment first - let us cranky curmudgeons get at em

(coupla mini edits!).

[artz]

border patrol here ....fer sure !

[Rock and Glock]

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical sob.

I need to go pee now! Laughing too hard.....

[ELCruisr]

What were we talking about? Guns, peeing at cranky borders? Ah, lets go shootin'

[retsupt99]

Some good points there...

The 'gray' hair border patrol is a great idea...it would be closed in a day.

The sex thing is true to...I guess I think about sex about twice a day also...I just can't remember which day that was...

Stay armed...stay safe!

[Slim_45]

This is probably the funniest thing ive ever read

[airslot]

How does that old saying go??? Oh yea " youth and enthusiasm are no match for OLD AGE and treachery"

[flagflyfish]

Thanks Sheldon J, Now I gotta clean the coffee off of my screen!

[Rock and Glock]

The proposal:

Build a series of retirement villages all along the border. Each village would be 1/4 to 1/2 mile distant from the next. Arm the occupants with all appropriate "tools".

Solution seeking a problem:

Bored elderly
Daily and nightly activities
Low cost alternative - the folks pay for their room and board

Result:

?????????

[swiftyjuan]

Thank you yet again Sheldon. I have to clean diet coke off my screen, and go pee! Now which one is the bathroom?

[Sheldon J]

Sorry about the computer screen and thanks for the edit.

[Andy W.]

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day

True, but each time lasts about 12 hours.

[Miggy]

True, but each time lasts about 12 hours.

Ahhh! The wonders of modern medicine! I thought it lasted up to 36 hours.