Just another reason to carry

Just another reason to carry

This is a discussion on Just another reason to carry within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; wife just gave birth to our 2nd child. Irelynn Renee 6lbs 8oz and 19 1/4 inches. pic to follow as soon as i can figure ...

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Thread: Just another reason to carry

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array palmgopher's Avatar
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    Just another reason to carry

    wife just gave birth to our 2nd child. Irelynn Renee 6lbs 8oz and 19 1/4 inches. pic to follow as soon as i can figure out how to get a 1.3meg pic to fit....lol

  2. #2
    AMH is offline
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    Join the NRA!
    The Second Amendment has nothing to do with hunting. It is about keeping the government in check. This requires that the citizenry is well armed and at all times has immediate access to arms.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array allenruger's Avatar
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    Got your Christmas present early this year didn't you? Congratulations!

    -"I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, 'cause it's going to be empty." -Clint Smith

  4. #4
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    Array Miggy's Avatar
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    Jul 2005
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    Congrats Daddy!

    And since you have a brand new daughter, you better start practicing this speech.

    Daddy's Rules to date my Daughter
    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Array palmgopher's Avatar
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    omg miggy that is so funny!.....love it and think i may have to save that and have a signature of understanding put at the bottom of it!....lol

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array friesepferd's Avatar
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    "The camouflaged face at the window is mine."

    lol! anyways. congrats!!!

  7. #7
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    Miggy's rules are pretty much what I implemented regarding the courtship of my daughter when she was growing up.....
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array BigEFan's Avatar
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    Central California

    The rules are great!
    Lex et Libertas — Semper Vigilo, Fortis, Paratus, et Fidelis!

    "Not only do the people who put their lives on the line to protect the rest of us deserve better, we all deserve better than to have our own security undermined by those who undermine law enforcement." -Thomas Sowell

  9. #9
    Distinguished Member Array mavrik46's Avatar
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    Nov 2006
    Hartselle, Alabama
    Congrats. I think I remember when my daughter was that small. Now all my money is going to college.

    It's not what you go thru in life, but how well you go thru it.

  10. #10
    Distinguished Member
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    Jul 2007
    Congrats another tax write-off just before the end of the year.

    An ounce of lead is worth 200lbs of cop.

  11. #11
    Member Array bluedaisy's Avatar
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    Aug 2007
    A new little life! Many congratulations to you and your family!

  12. #12
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    Congratulations, and BTW the "ten rules" list is A+

    When some young man would show up here to date my daughter, my wife would be happily chatting away with them, and I'd be a bit in the distance, poker-faced, scrutinizing the young man up and down w/o saying a word. Often I'd catch him glancing at me with a worried look. There is great power in non-verbal communication, and he knew immediately I ran a tight ship.
    Helpful hints on pushing back and strengthening the 2A:

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Back home in Louisiana !!!!
    My oldest daughter "developed"........and Daddy got a Glock.
    Now my youngest daughter is "developing".......Daddy got another Glock.

    My oldest daughter started 'going out' (and broke up with) with her first real 'boyfriend'.........Daddy's getting his Mossbureg "Tac'ed out"

    Now my youngest daughter (the cheerleader) is talking ALOT on the phone with "some jock in my math class.....".........Daddy's looking at purchasing a brace of 1911's

    Congratulations on the birth of a healthy daughter!!!

    Be advised daughters are penance for your sins as a 'young man'........God does have a sense of humor.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Array dunndw's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    get a friend to be there on "first date night" and just run the boyfriend scene from Bad Boys on them

    they'll behave...or run screaming into the night...either one works
    "If I was an extremist, our founding fathers would all be extremists," he said. "Without them, we wouldn't have our independence. We'd be a disarmed British system of feudal subjectivity."

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