Member ''pun''ishment!!

This is a discussion on Member ''pun''ishment!! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; PUNS FOR INTELLECTUALS 1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion ...

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Thread: Member ''pun''ishment!!

  1. #1
    Assistant Administrator
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    Member ''pun''ishment!!

    PUNS FOR INTELLECTUALS

    1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
    stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion per
    passenger."

    2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for
    experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

    3. Two boll weevils grew up in N Carolina. One took off to Hollywood
    and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted
    to much-and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.

    4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which
    sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat
    it too.

    5. A three-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the
    bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and
    refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

    7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the
    lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess
    tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them
    to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

    8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
    Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and
    is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
    himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also
    had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete sake!! If
    you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!"

    9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
    payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
    business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
    suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he
    asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused.
    The florist went to them and begged that they shut down. Again they
    refused. So the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest
    thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their
    flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be
    back. Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in
    their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
    friars.


    10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
    created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
    little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from
    very bad breath. This made him ... what? (This is so bad it's good...) a
    super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    11. And finally... There was a man who sent 10 puns to some friends in
    hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,
    no pun in ten did!

    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Array firefighter4884's Avatar
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    OMG Chris...

    those are really funny. hafta think about them for a few minutes, but they're really funny!!!

    LOL

    keep up the good work :)

    --JIm
    Firefighter / EMT - Always Ready. Ever Willing.

    ~Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics...~

  4. #3
    Member Array DonWorsham's Avatar
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    hehe.
    _Don_

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    Chris very good, had a great laugh, now stay away from those fields of streams whereever you are.
    As you slide down the banister of life,
    May the splinters never point the wrong way.
    ---
    NRA Life Member

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    Puns, the lowest form of humor!! But they ARE good!!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Member Array spacemanspiff's Avatar
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    1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion per
    passenger."
    if the vultures are individually considered passengers than they could each have their carrion, right? or were the the pet vultures of some other passenger?

    i like how you start off with the one that an intellectual (much like myself) can pick apart with relative ease.

    hehehee.

  8. #7
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    Ahh but Spiffy - each one had TWO racoons - and only ONE carrion per passenger!!! So - one vulture + ONE racoon would be good to go!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  9. #8
    Member Array standles's Avatar
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    Man don't ya hate to have to explain a pun :)

  10. #9
    Member Array spacemanspiff's Avatar
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    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    in my defense i was homeschooled.

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array firefighter4884's Avatar
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    spiff...that's prolly better then publick edumacakion... :chairshot
    Firefighter / EMT - Always Ready. Ever Willing.

    ~Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics...~

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spacemanspiff
    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    in my defense i was homeschooled.
    So was I and I "got it"...


    BTW: thanks for the puns Chris,
    5. A three-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the
    bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    I've always liked that one.
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

    If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.

    Matt K.

  13. #12
    Senior Member Array GoodSamaritan's Avatar
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    in my defense i was homeschooled
    Consider yourself lucky to have avaoided Federally funded political correctness camp. (aka public edukashun)

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