I am a Hitman

This is a discussion on I am a Hitman within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Thought you might all get a kick out of this or at least be able to relate to it. My sister, who's going to be ...

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Thread: I am a Hitman

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    I am a Hitman

    Thought you might all get a kick out of this or at least be able to relate to it.

    My sister, who's going to be a nurse, has experience dealing with all sorts of disgusting sores, rashes, surgeries, blood etc. She has repacked a guy's colon for God's sake.

    And yet here the other day she runs in the house to find me.

    "Euuuuuuclidean! Euuuuuuclidean! Come kill this giant thing it's disgusting! I can't get in my car!"

    So I got out there and I expect to see something I'm going to have to knife to death or at least shoo away, or maybe I'll get to shoot it and I'm all excited and worked up... and it's an inch worm wriggling around.

    An inch worm!

    And she was wearing boots!

    This happens to me ALL the time at work too. I can't tell you how many spiders, roaches, small lizards, and even a mouse on one occassion I have taken out. I can understand the mouse a little bit because they can bite and they carry diseases... no it's a freaking mouse. Scoop it up in a trash can and throw it out already.

    I don't like bugs and frogs and snakes and lizards and all your assorted disgusting little creepy crawlers and I don't like to touch them. But I'm not afraid of them. I see a snake I kill it. I see a spider I scoop him up and throw him out. I squash roaches. You know the drill.

    I mean come on why be afraid of this stuff? I admit some of those monster tarantulas might freak me out if I woke up and one was sitting on my face but I would kill it, not curl up into a little ball in fear.

    Sometimes I just want to scream: "Don't call me unless it weighs more than 5 pounds!"

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  3. #2
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    There seem to be degrees of ''bugphobia'' - and occupation it seems is no protection against this. I knew a surgeon who was daily in blood and guts and yet he was a total arachnophobe - I mean - stand on a chair and scream type fear!! LOL.

    I am not a great liker of bugs - in particlar ones that bite, sting or just generally pi$$ me off - this includes those small flies, that I call ''pesky'' flies, ya know the ones that come land on your nose.!

    Arachnids are somewhat of a special case - and I try ''live and let live'' unless they come too close then the ''squish syndrome'' comes into play.

    As for inch worms - can't say I'd be bothered as threat level too low.

    On a shooting note - some of my earliest ''sporting'' shooting was as a kid, zapping flies and wasps on fallen fruit - with an air pistol. Great accuracy and speed shooting training! Speed that is not in multiple shots but - speed of recocking and loading followed by very quick target aquisition.
    Chris - P95
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    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    Sorry but my phobia is snakes. I'd unload the old 12 ga. on a garden snake if it came near me. They all give me the creeps and there is nothing I can do about it.
    DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.

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    I have five large, fuzzy tarantulas, so I'm not squeamish about spiders. That doesn't mean I like them darting up my pant leg or let the Evil Orange tarantula roam free about the house.

    I remember my co-workers screeching about the small wolf spider darting across the office floor. KILL IT! KILL IT! STOMP ON IT! But none of the ladies would, and they were screaming at every guy in the office to come to the rescue. The guys ignored them. I finally walked into the room, scooped up the poor spider in a paper cup, and let him go in the bushes outside.

    The vegetarian co-worker said, "Thank you for not killing that spider." Don't thank me. I kill animals, eat them and wear their skins.

    And I love snakes. I would hunt them down and surprise mom with them.

    However, I absolutely loathe cockroaches. I cut one clean in half with my Benchmade and it still crawled around like it wasn't fazed. And did you ever watch the old post-apocalypse movie Damnation Alley where the Madagascar Giant Hissing cockroaches eat live people?

    And millipedes. I think it was because the first one I came across was around a foot long and it was dead and stunk like a skunk. Eight legs good, hundred legs baaaad.

    When I was a kid, I used to roast ants with a magnifying glass. Some psychologists would say that would lead to other forms of animal torture and provide the basis for being a serial killer, but ant roasting was as far as I went. My brother, on the other hand, graduated to blowing up tobacco caterpillers with ladyfinger firecrackers tied to them, and sending baby bullfrogs airborne by chucking cherry bombs in the pond.
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

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    New Member Array RatBastard's Avatar
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    My wife the nurse is the same. She enjoyed working on cadvers in school and thinks deep cuts are neat because you can see the insides. But she won't step on or spray any size spider.

    Our youngest daughter (16 yrs) is the daredevil of the kids. Dirt biking, even going off the neighbors bike ramp on her unicycle. Plays the saxaphone, clarinet, bass cello, violin, and piano in the school orchrestra. Smart kid, she has no fear except ants. For some weird reason ants totally freak her out.
    Managerial Nightmare
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  7. #6
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    I am the official spider killer for my girlfriend. Atleast thats what she told me. She has no problems gutting a deer, but will not stomp a spider. In fact , she told me a story about having to use her belt to whip a spider to death that was crawling toward her open sunroof.

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    Member Array mrshonts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betty
    I have five large, fuzzy tarantulas, so I'm not squeamish about spiders. That doesn't mean I like them darting up my pant leg or let the Evil Orange tarantula roam free about the house.

    I remember my co-workers screeching about the small wolf spider darting across the office floor. KILL IT! KILL IT! STOMP ON IT! But none of the ladies would, and they were screaming at every guy in the office to come to the rescue. The guys ignored them. I finally walked into the room, scooped up the poor spider in a paper cup, and let him go in the bushes outside.

    The vegetarian co-worker said, "Thank you for not killing that spider." Don't thank me. I kill animals, eat them and wear their skins.

    And I love snakes. I would hunt them down and surprise mom with them.

    However, I absolutely loathe cockroaches. I cut one clean in half with my Benchmade and it still crawled around like it wasn't fazed. And did you ever watch the old post-apocalypse movie Damnation Alley where the Madagascar Giant Hissing cockroaches eat live people?

    And millipedes. I think it was because the first one I came across was around a foot long and it was dead and stunk like a skunk. Eight legs good, hundred legs baaaad.

    When I was a kid, I used to roast ants with a magnifying glass. Some psychologists would say that would lead to other forms of animal torture and provide the basis for being a serial killer, but ant roasting was as far as I went. My brother, on the other hand, graduated to blowing up tobacco caterpillers with ladyfinger firecrackers tied to them, and sending baby bullfrogs airborne by chucking cherry bombs in the pond.

    GULP...... Me, big spiders and snakes don't mix!! I'll just have to call Betty in to get rid of them...

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by havegunjoe
    Sorry but my phobia is snakes. I'd unload the old 12 ga. on a garden snake if it came near me. They all give me the creeps and there is nothing I can do about it.
    Hey! Some of my best friends are reptiles!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betty
    My brother, on the other hand, graduated to blowing up tobacco caterpillers with ladyfinger firecrackers tied to them,
    I went from doing things like that to a job in bomb disposal...... There is hope for us all!!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Senior Member Array jdsumner's Avatar
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    Talking

    Dudes, dudettes,
    If the spider in question is big enough to cast a shadow, its someone else's problem!

    Dan

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    I hear ya there come kill this kill that..


    And ya know what Cockroaches will be here after all other life is gone

  13. #12
    Senior Member Array GoodSamaritan's Avatar
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    Unless a bud or critter is on me, or coming after me, I rarely get freaked out. I have gotten hurt before and lost enough blood to soak part of my shirt and drip blood everywhere, but other than cringing a little from the pain I was completely ok.

    On the other hand...

    My wife stepped on something and cut her foot and left a few little spots of blood on the floor, in her retreat tot he medicine chest, and I kept getting light headed and had to struggle to keep from adding my lunch to the mess. Doesnt make sense does it? LOL


    As for my wifes phobias, she is the bug squasher in her office, but will run shrieking in terror from any snake (or snakelike object) until she runs poops out. I still tease her about the time she was mowing the yard with a riding mower, and saw a snake. She picked her feet up and was so intent on looking for that snake she failed to notice the brand new cast iron water meter cover sticking 4 inches out of the ground. I was 40 or 50 yards away when I hear something like this.

    rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr(mower sound)rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr CLANG! BANG! WHAM! .................................................. .....................(silence).................... ...................

    She ran as hard as she could all the way back to the house. LOL

    It destroyed both blades on the mower, but the water meter survived.

  14. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Euclidean
    She has repacked a guy's colon for God's sake.
    I'm really afraid to ask this question that on the surface sounds like it has an obvious answer. What did she "repack" his colon with? My second question, if it is the obvious answer, why?
    Bumper
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    Randy - I think here we are talking ''reassemble'' - like in treat a prolapse sorta deal.

    Beyond that - your imagination is obviously - equally as fertile as mine
    Chris - P95
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    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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  16. #15
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    Well I'm fairly ignorant of what exactly was happening. This is my version of the story:

    They have this guy wonked out on anesthetics. He's had to have some kind of surgery and his guts are hanging out in all their glory because they had to move them all out of the way. As I understand it there was a foreign object embedded deep inside the patient somewhere and they had to go to radical means to extract it. The surgeon needed a helping hand packing all of his guts back in there.

    That's it in real scientific terms. I'm sure a real medical professional would be just as equally confused about what happened from my description of it.

    When she told me the story with all these medical terms and hospital jargon and all I could answer was "So you had to repack his colon?" And she said yeah whatever.

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