Merry Redneck Christmas!

Merry Redneck Christmas!

This is a discussion on Merry Redneck Christmas! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; May you and yours be Merry A little Christmas Poem (Read to the night before Christmas) Twas the night after Christmas and all through ...

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Thread: Merry Redneck Christmas!

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007

    Merry Redneck Christmas!

    May you and yours be Merry

    A little Christmas Poem (Read to the night before Christmas)

    Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
    The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler,
    The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
    I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy,

    The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
    The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives,
    My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
    So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried

    When out in the yard the dog started barkin'
    I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin
    He yelled, "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws
    And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause."

    I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause,
    And you ain't takin me in without probable cause."
    Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
    I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like?

    The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
    That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
    He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry."
    I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."

    "It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said,
    "The man I'm describing is dressed all in red
    I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean,
    Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen."

    Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell
    It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail.
    I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
    I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

    When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
    I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's
    But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
    And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red,

    Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter,
    A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
    Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun,
    When outta Red's chimney this feller did run

    And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'
    I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'
    So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air."
    But he went about his business like he hadn't a care

    So I popped off a warning shot over his head,
    Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled,
    And as he flew off i heard him extort,
    "Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet
    on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar
    and you'll never rout me outta there
    so why don't you just
    turn car off come
    in well watch wrestling eat some
    Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy
    she’s been over here about every other night
    Last edited by Pro2A; December 24th, 2007 at 10:00 AM.

  2. #2
    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    LOL.... I resemble that.
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

  3. #3
    Member Array rmarcustrucker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Twinsburg, Ohio
    nothing wrong with those gifts, though im old enough that i'd trade in the 8 table dances for more then 3 shotgun shells.

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