For Fun: Tactically Unsound Movies & What You Would Have Done Instead

This is a discussion on For Fun: Tactically Unsound Movies & What You Would Have Done Instead within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; So, you're sitting on the couch watching a movie with your family and just as the climax is building, the BGs are approaching, the tension ...

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Thread: For Fun: Tactically Unsound Movies & What You Would Have Done Instead

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    For Fun: Tactically Unsound Movies & What You Would Have Done Instead

    So, you're sitting on the couch watching a movie with your family and just as the climax is building, the BGs are approaching, the tension is building, the GG (or his girlfriend) does something so absolutely ridiculous you want to jump in the movie, smack the main character and rewrite the script to add a little common sense to the scene.

    So, here's your chance to tell the world how you would have done it.

    Name the movie and the scene, tell how it was done wrong and what you would have done better to save the day!

    There may be a few movie spoilers in here so if you see the title of a movie you haven't seen yet you might want to skip over it if you don't want to spoil it for yourself.

    However, it doesn't have to be a specific movie, it can also be something you've seen in a number of movies that drives you crazy..

    I'll start...

    Movie: The Last of the Mohicans

    Tactically Unsound Scene:
    The girl Alice is kidnapped and the main three good-guys (the Last of the Mohicans) are running after her to save her. Her boyfriend guy runs out ahead of everyone because he's driven by passion to save his girlfriend and starts taking on everyone by himself and he gets killed.

    And about two minutes later his brother and Dad show up and kick everyone's butts.

    Tactically Unsound!

    What I would have done different:
    I would have waited for my buddies, remembered that three is always better than one, worked together and kicked butt with them and saved my girlfriend (that is, if I were a guy).

    You're turn!

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    VIP Member Array MitchellCT's Avatar
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    Most horror movie problems are easily solved by doing one or more of the following:

    1. Having a properly maintained car with a full tank of gas.

    2. Not picking up hitchhikers.

    3. Calling 911 or emergency roadside assistance for the guy stranded on the highway rather than stopping on a deserted road to help someone at 2 AM.

    4. Not having drugs in the car or a friend with warrants riding with you so that when something goes terribly wrong you don't worry about calling the police, and instead go hide in a creepy farm house.

    5. Telling your cheerleader girlfriend/football player boyfriend to shut up and stop taunting the locals.

    6. Leaving the person taunting the locals behind. (If they aren't killed, they can catch a bus and learn their lesson about being anti-social.)

    7. Never enter the house of anyone who the townspeople speak about in hushed tones, or after referring to that person making the sign of the cross.

    8. If you do enter that person's house, never accept food, drink or split up your party.

    9. Be armed with at the least a handgun, spare mags, knives, flashlight and maybe a backup gun before you enter the creepy house/building/cave. If you can bring a rifle or shotgun, so much the better.

    10. Be polite. Be professional. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

    11. If you hear noises in the cave, voices in the basement or anything spooky...leave.

    12. Kill anything that attempts to prevent you from leaving.

    13. If you think you killed it, put a security round through its head, saw the head off, then carry it with you on your way out.

    14. Light the headless body on fire.

    15. If one of your party disappears and then you meet up with him/her later, and they appear calm and reasonable, kill them immediately.

    16. If the head mentioned in #13 starts talking, shoot it again.

    17. Never enter a pentagram with a dead body inside it. Trust me on this one.

    18. If the situation is scary, the house spooky, the town creepy, I don't care how horny you are or how hot your significant other is: Sex is OFF the To Do list for the moment.

    19. The bottle of liquor you discover in the creepy house is not for drinking. It's for using as a Molotov cocktail or disinfecting a wound after the zombie bites you.

    20. Exception to #19 is if the liquor is scotch that is 20 years aged or older. Then its for drinking, and to hell with everyone else.

    21. If you come across a book that appears to have spells in it...burn it. Don't try to read it. Don't steal it. Just burn it.

    22. If the facility has a bio-hazard insignia on it, its off limits to you even if your hot significant others wants to go in the warehouse and screw your brains out.

    23. If your significant other tells you "Don't worry, I've been in their dozens of times..." shoot them, then report to the clinic. You probably have the VD from hell.



    And that's just off the top of my head.

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    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    In ANY movie where the good guy knocks the bad guy out or shoots him....shoot them again and again until they are really dead!

    I am sick of watching a movie where the good guy stops the bad guy and I already know the bad guy is going to get up and come after them again. Shoot them, smash their heads with a rock or brick, hack them up....for God's sake do whatever it takes to make sure the bad guy is down for good.

    But then....I guess most movies would be shorter if that were the case.
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    Member Array phaed's Avatar
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    if there's a ghost in the house...get the #$%^ out!
    War is not the ugliest of things. Worse is the decayed state of moral feeling which thinks nothing is worth a war. A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which he cares for more than his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free. -J.S. Mill

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    Member Array tk4878's Avatar
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    I don't know the name of the movie, the commercials are out now.
    Diane Lane is some FBI computer expert. There is some web site that shows someone being murdered and the victim is killed faster by the number of people visiting the site. anyway, one scene on the tv shows the BG in the back of Diane Lane's car rising up after her car stops/crashes etc. I mean come on. Doesn't anyone look in the backseat before getting in? Since I haven't seen the movie this may be wrong. Sorry in advance.

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    I was watching a rerun of 24. The CTU agent was carrying his pistol just fine, but held a light next to it with his knuckles resting on the slide serrations. Ouch!
    "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson


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    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    The funniest scene I have ever seen was a movie with Bette Midler. It was a comedy. She was being chased by the CIA, FBI, KGB, Mossad, MI5 and various other intelligence organizations. Everyone is trying to kill her. The scene was she is dangling over a 1000 ft cliff, hanging on by thread. She is trying to climb her way 20 feet to safety when all of a sudden she breaks a nail and cries out "Damn!!".

    If this had been a "realistic" Hollywood movie, she would have had a Benchmade knife and a back up nail clippers to handle the situation.

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    Member Array Bonesnofoa's Avatar
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    Not exactly tactical but

    I was watching this tv drama called Sinbad, think pirates. Some princess gets kidnapped and Sinbad is hired to rescue her. So after fighting through hoards of enemies he swoops into the room holding the princess. She is tied up to the wall and a trap is set up to kill her. A candle slowly burns a rope attached to a crossbow aimed at her heart. Sinbad gallantly rushes over and begins undoing the bonds on the princess. Its this very dramatic race against the clock. The entire time im screaming "Just take the bolt out of the crossbow!"

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    Senior Member Array Herknav's Avatar
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    Lethal Weapon #1 would have been over a lot sooner if the BG didn't wait to chamber a round in the shotgun until he was going to kill Riggs (Mel Gibson).

    Another one is any Bond movie. I'm a Bond fan, but why doesn't somebody just kill him? He always gets captured by the bad guy, who devises an elaborate means of death for our intrepid super-spy. 007 always defeats death and the bad guy. It seems a bullet behind the ear upon capturing 007 would be a wise investment.

    On the plus side, I did like when the scimitar-wielding dude stepped out in front of Indiana Jones. The script called for Indy to pull out his bullwhip and fight the guy. Harrison Ford was recovering from being pretty sick, and just wasn't up to it. Therefore, he pulled his revolver, shot the guy, and went on his merry way. Fortunately, the scimitar-wielding dude went with it and the scene was kept for the final movie.

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    Senior Member Array Duisburg's Avatar
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    oh my my my I have seen way too many movies where good and bad people cock their glock like it has a hammer. and why is it that the bad guys can shoot...shoot...and keep shooting but the good guy only needs one bullet per person? Oh and in Three Ninjas the FBI dad shoots his revolver over 20 times as the bad guy flies away in the helicopter. In the Bond Movie Tommorow Never Dies in the beginning sequence Bond's jet could NOT have possibly dodged that missle, it would have exploded beside the jet not flown by it like some sort of RPG.
    I am sworn to protect the Constitution of the U.S.A. from all threats both foreign and domestic.

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    My wife has a saying when I get started on these things. "It works for the plot." She is right of course. This is why probably no one here is a screen writer or director.

    Our movies would last 15 maybe 20 minutes tops. Basically the amount of time it would take to develop the encounter and have the GG shoot or otherwise incapacitate the BG and escape the encounter. UNfortunately that type of movie doesn't sell many tickets and is probably filed under a how to self defense title or a documentary.
    Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow.

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Open Range, with Costner and Duvall.

    Tactically unsound scene: When the two GG's stand up to the five houdlums on Main Street, Costner's character plugs the "gun hand" right in the forehead .. then stands there watching until he hits the ground 3sec later.

    What I would do differently: Start shooting and keep shooting, until no more threat existed. With five to two odds, there is no way would I simply stand there watching my handiwork, praying the other four didn't lift a finger until I was ready again.

    As a side note on this film, to be completely fair we need to acknowledge that the super 16rd 6-gun that Costner's character had would even the score a bit.

    My all-time favorite lunkhead maneuver is the popular racking of the slide while unholstering the handgun. At least, by the sound of things, racking of the slide is exactly what the dolt has done, though how and why that was done is beyond me. Via a single flick of the wrist? By squeezing extra hard? Dang, they're good.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
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    Senior Member Array ridurall's Avatar
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    The other day in a repeat of The Unit the new guy has crashed in a helicopter and the lady interpreter he is with is injured. At one point a feral dog comes toward them and he draws his handgun and racks a round into the chamber. Duh, the dude is Delta Force and he does not carry with a round in the chamber? I used to know several Delta Force guys when I lived in North Carolina. You can bet they never carried without a round in the chamber.
    Life member NRA since 1983
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    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    I caught the end of a bad B movie several months ago where the final scene is on a stage in a theater. The good guy (girl in this case) is shooting bad guys left and right. She shoots a guy to her left, and the slide locks open; she pivots and shoots a bad guy in the orchestra pit, and her slide locks open again; she turns quickly and nails the guy behind her, and the slide locks open. Her boy friend comes in a side door to her rescue, and she hands him the gun, slide forward and loaded. I sure missed all the reloads, and believe me, she wasn't wearing enough to hide spare mags!
    John
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    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ridurall View Post
    The other day in a repeat of The Unit the new guy has crashed in a helicopter and the lady interpreter he is with is injured. At one point a feral dog comes toward them and he draws his handgun and racks a round into the chamber. Duh, the dude is Delta Force and he does not carry with a round in the chamber? I used to know several Delta Force guys when I lived in North Carolina. You can bet they never carried without a round in the chamber.
    That wasn't the writer's fault. That show is produced by Eric Haney who was the founding Sergeant Major for Delta Force and based on his book on the CAG (Delta's real name aside from it's initials: SFOD-D). I'll bet it was some range or firearm safety guy hired to keep actors safe. Or the head stunt guy who knows how unsafe actors are with set guns. Like only loading enough rounds into a mag to meet the number of shots fired in the scene.

    Look at the last twenty minutes of the final show of Season 1 of THE UNIT.

    That is the real deal. The show is titled THE WALL.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scott View Post
    My wife has a saying when I get started on these things. "It works for the plot." She is right of course. This is why probably no one here is a screen writer or director.
    She'd be wrong. I'm a writer and I have a real Hollywood agent. My current portfolio stands at this: Five screenplays, seven teleplays (working on #8 now & will be my second for THE UNIT). One series pilot. One Reality show involving Special Forces soldiers.

    # SOLD? None. But my agent believes in me and he only gets 10% of my take. He said that right before the strike I had a record FIVE deals on the table ready to be closed. So yes, I'm on strike, too. If any two of the potential deals really DO sell, I can retire from teaching, early.

    Okay, guess this movie and what should have been done:
    Dialogue:

    GG: Well WE'RE just not going to let you walk out of here.

    BG: Who's WE, suckah?

    GG: SMITH and WESSON and ME.

    Here's the tipoff: Go ahead, MAKE MY DAY.

    If I'd have been driving, CUJO would have lasted just long enough for the dog to growl ONCE. Roll credits.

    Last of the Mohicans:
    Q: Tight weave?
    A: Silk, increase range by 40 yards.

    WRONG! Silk would melt in the barrel and foul the gun before the round left the barrel. What's worse is the hope of covering a sprinting courier in the woods from a tall fixed position at SUNDOWN or later. PUH-LEASE.

    MitchellCT: Love your list! Would add to refrain from EVER being the "Security dude" in any star Trek episode or movie. Life span measured in seconds. Same goes for being a security guard in any horror movie. Security guards have a rough and a short life, it seems.
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

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