A Good Reason To Fire Your Secretary

This is a discussion on A Good Reason To Fire Your Secretary within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would ...

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Thread: A Good Reason To Fire Your Secretary

  1. #1
    1943 - 2009
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    A Good Reason To Fire Your Secretary

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would say "Happy Birthday" and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday".

    I thought, well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...they will remember.

    My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane, said "Good morning, boss, and by the way, happy birthday". It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day, and it is your birthday, why don't we go out to lunch, just you and me". I said "Great, let's go"!

    We went to lunch, but we didn't go where we normally went. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office, Jane said "You know, it's such a beautiful day, we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we"? I said, "I guess not. What do you have in mind"? She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner".

    After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back". "OK", I nervously replied.

    She went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...

    Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

    And I just sat there...



    On the couch...





    Naked.


    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry

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    VIP Member Array matiki's Avatar
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    "Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must." - The Duke of Wellington

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    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Old.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

  5. #4
    1943 - 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by exactlymypoint View Post
    Old.
    Well, excuuuuse me!


    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry

  6. #5
    Senior Member Array allenruger's Avatar
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    Let me state this once again... I have a policy of NEVER EVER being forced to think about anyone on this forum naked!!! I take my mental well being very seriously.

    Funny though!
    Allen

    -"I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, 'cause it's going to be empty." -Clint Smith

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array matiki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Crunch View Post
    Well, excuuuuse me!
    It was new to me.

    You owe me a keyboard and a fresh cup of coffee.
    "Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must." - The Duke of Wellington

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Crunch View Post
    Well, excuuuuse me!
    Well, I could have asked why are you going to your secretary's apartment if you are married.

    Or a couple of other questions that would not have been family friendly.

    Succinct, cogent, astute. My work here is done.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array friesepferd's Avatar
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    hahahaha.
    i like it
    Wo die Notwehr aufhört, fängt der Mord an
    (Murder begins where self-defense ends)
    Georg Büchner

  10. #9
    Distinguished Member Array USPnTX's Avatar
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    Haven't seen that one before -- very funny!!
    "Do not fear those who disagree with you; fear those that do and are too cowardly to admit it" - Napoleon

  11. #10
    1943 - 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by exactlymypoint View Post
    My work here is done.
    We can only hope...


    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    You know if I were ever in that situation, I would hope that it would be my wife pushing out a cake with the secretary in it. Oh wait, my wife is the secretary.

    It was pretty funny, until the mental image of the OP on the couch naked. Nothing personal.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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  13. #12
    1943 - 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by farronwolf View Post
    It was pretty funny, until the mental image of the OP on the couch naked. Nothing personal.

    OK, before this goes any further, this is fiction!

    It's a joke!

    It is not personal experience!

    I don't have a secretary!

    I don't even have a job!

    I'm retired!

    Geez...


    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Crunch View Post
    OK, before this goes any further, this is fiction!

    It's a joke!

    It is not personal experience!

    I don't have a secretary!

    I don't even have a job!

    I'm retired!

    Geez...
    Ah yes, the law of unintended consequences. Do the words "pile on" mean anything to you? But you know we all love you.

    I surmise that you are going to be a bit gun shy about posting additional jokes.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

  15. #14
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    Terry, I bet you thing OP in farronwolf's post mean "Original Poster". I checked with him and he meant "Old Person".
    George

    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    Capt. Most here realize your retired, at least I think they do. And I hope that all realized it was a joke. It was funny.

    Like I said, nothing against you, I don't actually want the mental image of any of the forum members sitting naked on their couch, or myself for that matter.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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