Taking Care of the Telemarketer

This is a discussion on Taking Care of the Telemarketer within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with " is this ...

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Thread: Taking Care of the Telemarketer

  1. #1
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    Array Bumper's Avatar
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    Taking Care of the Telemarketer

    The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal,
    and as I answered it I was greeted with " is this William Wagenhoss"
    (not sounding anything like my name), so I said "who is calling?"

    The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband Powered Freezer
    company (or something like that) and then I asked him if he knew
    William personally and why was he calling this number. Then I said off to the
    side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood," then I
    turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a
    murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced
    this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local
    courthouse to testify in this murder case.

    I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address,
    phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the
    dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before
    he made this call.

    The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were
    given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position
    at his work place and the police were entering the building to take
    him into custody. At that point I heard the phone fall and the
    scurrying of his running away.

    My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming
    down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen
    minutes.

    My meal was cold, but it was very enjoyable.
    Bumper
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    Too funny i like it.. Heard the Guy who puts cd's out one stuff like this had a cemertary call him about a plot .. he goes on and on asks if there a discount if used in 5 days then you hear a BANG and something fall over..

    Ya hear the telemarkerter going um sir are you all right sir or S___ i think he shot him self

  4. #3
    Senior Member Array Wayne's Avatar
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    I honestly think that I was put on a "no call list" that the telemarketers created years back.

    When I used to get stinky drunk, I could come up with some really weird stuff. I then noticed that I begain to get less, and less of those calls.

    And this was before the government no call list

    Wayne

  5. #4
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    That is a CLASSIC! LOL!!

    Makes me vow to become ever more adventurous with these people

    Mind you - the softer side of me realizes the poor guys are trying to earn a buck or two - and my son as a part-time job when at college, did this for a while - he described it as ''soul-destroying''!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Have not had a single call since I registered with the federal no call data base. Use to get 5-6 a night.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    Hum i got a funny one tonight i dont think it was a telemarkerter it was on the answering machine...

    Collect Call from the Michigan Department Of Corrections .. From then they hung up

  8. #7
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    There are two other instances that puzzle me a bit. One is where the call comes in - I answer but - no one there and dial tone comes in after a few seconds. ''Who was it''? *69 tells me nothing.

    The other is when I get a voice from someone who seemingly is in a bar - -having a few beers with buddies and decides to make calls on his cell - sheesh! What bald-faced cheek I reckon - I tell em that if they can't call from an office don't be bothering me!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  9. #8
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    Outstanding Bumper, that should go as the ultimate way to handle these fools. I also don't get many of these calls anymore, but if I do I'm going to remember this and give it a try.

    Good Job!!
    Heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it has to be done, regardless of the consequences

    "I like when the enemy shoots at me; then I know where the ******** are and can kill them."
    ~George Patton

    DE OPPRESSO LIBER

  10. #9
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    Post That Was One Of The Best Ones Ever!

    That was great.
    Now that makes me want to start getting TeleMarketing Calls again.

    By the way for anybody that is NOT yet on the Do Not Call List...WHY NOT??? Here is the link...It takes a few minutes & then no more junk calls. It's a secure Govt. Site.

    CLICK HERE TO PUT YOUR PHONE # ON THE NATIONAL DO NOT CALL LIST


    We are on both the PA. "Do Not Call" & The National "Do Not Call" & we have not got a Telemarketing call in a super long time & we get ZERO calls these days.

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array GoodSamaritan's Avatar
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    The only reason I haven't signed up is, they were still fighting it in court the last time I heard. If some Judge rules that they are no longer bound by the list, they will now have a slew of names and numbers that they can now pester.

    Before the state or national list came along, I spent a long time where I would never put my name or real number on anything, and any marketer who called would get an earful. AT&T was so bad that I actually had to file a complaint. (it must have worked I haven't heard from them in over 5 years now)
    At any rate I get maybe 1 call a week now, which is up from one a month. I suspect my wife is not nearly as paranoid about giving out our home number.

  12. #11
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    Ok, you have run out of excuses....

    Supreme Court Upholds Do-Not-Call Registry
    Telemarketers Had Cited Free Speech

    By Caroline E. Mayer
    Washington Post Staff Writer
    Tuesday, October 5, 2004; Page E01

    The national do-not-call list overcame its last legal hurdle yesterday when the Supreme Court let stand a lower-court ruling affirming its constitutionality.

    Without comment, the justices rejected an appeal by telemarketers who argued that the popular anti-telemarketing registry imposed improper limits on their rights to free speech.
    About 2 years ago or so, I got a telemarketer call some Saturday afternoon and it went something like this:

    "Hello?"
    "Good afternoon sir. Is the lady of the house around?"
    "Who's asking?"
    "Sir, my name is Joe Schmo and I have a gift for your wife!"
    "And who the @#$! are you to be giving gifts to my wife?"
    "Er.... sir..?"
    "Who are you? Answer me? Are you having an affair with my wife? I'll kill ya you SOB!"
    "Sir, I swear, I never..."
    "I don't care where are you, I'll find you and chop your @#$% off!"
    ".....(silence)....." The other party hangs up.

    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  13. #12
    Member Array armoredman's Avatar
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    Budwhite - that was an inmate call. Probably someone entered in the hone number incorrectly in the inmate's phone, list. Ours don't go through unless they are investigated and approved.
    Two methods I used on telemarketers back in the day.
    "Really? WOW! What a deal! Hang on, let me get my credit card..."
    Put phone down, go for a walk...good exercise too.
    "Excuse me, I don't feel well..." gagging noise followed with dumping ice water into bucket right next to the phone....
    If total government control equals safety, why are prisons so dangerous?

  14. #13
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    My brother-in-law, who is retired Navy, used to wait for the calls from the credit card companies. He'd sound like he was geting all excited then tell them yes he wanted one since they keep getting cancelled and he was haveing trouble getting new ones since he hadn't had a job in over 10 years! (At least that part was true...... Retired, you know! ) Most of the time he got hung up on, and was never bothered by the same bank twice.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  15. #14
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    I just creep them out and they hang up. I usually start with 'are you wearing underwear?' or 'have you ever worn a gimp suit?' and see where it takes me. I don't get many repeat calls.
    Managerial Nightmare
    A proud supplier of ex-managers to mental health clinics.

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    "You sound awful purdy..."

    Seriously I do not harass telemarketers. I had to handle phone calls like that for several months because it was the only job I could find. Most of those people are severely underemployed.

    The guy working next to me had just left a job making over $75,000 a year working for IBM. He'd been laid off of course. Been working there 20 years.

    I was fresh out of college with a Math degree.

    Guy next to me was fresh out of technical school and had all the qualifications to be an IT guy.

    Guy across the way was a CPA.

    Two ladies down the way were both forensic scientists.

    It's a horrible job, it tottally and completely sucks, it pays nothing, and your employer treats you like crap, and then for people to be rude to you when it's not necessary is just too much some days. The people in these places are all looking for a way out. They're just like you except they are trying to get past a divorce, they are struggling with employment problems, or any number of other stories. None of us wanted to be there and none of us took any pride in what we did but it was work. Good employment is rare.

    Some people will never forgive me for being a telemarketer and I don't remember that part of my life very fondly at all. But if nothing else at least I went out and got a job instead of sponging off of welfare.

    "I am not interested. Do not call me again." And then hang up. Or just hang up. It's very simple.

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