Friday humor...

Friday humor...

This is a discussion on Friday humor... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I found this on a greyhound site I visit. True or not, I thought some of them might amuse... The following excerpts are actual answers ...

Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Friday humor...

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Tom357's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Richmond VA
    Posts
    1,068

    Friday humor...

    I found this on a greyhound site I visit. True or not, I thought some of them might amuse...

    The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between fifth and 6th grade ages. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers.

    Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, enough misinformation to satisfy Donald Rumsfeld and, of course, spelling!

    ------------------------------ -----------------------------------

    Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on tv now.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. They lived in Italy. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet but her father was having none of that that I'm sure. You know how Italian fathers are.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
    own hands.Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies.Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have a job, I guess.
    - Tom
    You have the power to donate life.


  2. #2
    VIP Member
    Array Team American's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    3,826
    Quote Originally Posted by Tom357

    Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
    I should think so

    Good list, Tom357!
    "I surrounded 'em"- Alvin York

    "They're ain't many troubles that a man can't fix with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six"- Jeff Cooper

  3. #3
    Assistant Administrator
    Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    South West PA
    Posts
    25,484
    Tom - almost every one a classic it its own right - so good in fact it'd be hard to dream them up. Kids are great with their naevity sometimes.
    Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos.
    Just one of so many that generate a wide grin!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Away - Health Problems
    Posts
    17,353
    that was great good laugh after a bad las couple calls today

  5. #5
    Senior Member Array Wayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Eugene, OR
    Posts
    822
    Thanks, it's Monday and I just read them but they are priceless :D.

    Wayne

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    SW Missouri
    Posts
    2,193
    Hilarious...Thanks!
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

    If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.

    Matt K.

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Another Friday Joke
    By SARR001 in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 21st, 2010, 01:42 PM
  2. Should be picking up the AR this Friday!
    By TN_Mike in forum Defensive Rifles & Shotgun Discussion
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: October 19th, 2009, 11:38 PM
  3. surgery Friday...
    By Tom357 in forum Bob & Terry's Place
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: December 3rd, 2006, 02:10 PM