Because I Am A Man

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Thread: Because I Am A Man

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array CT-Mike's Avatar
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    Because I Am A Man

    Because I'm A Man

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

    Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
    If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

    We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    __________________________________________________ _________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
    You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
    For all I know, these are the same thing.

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead. (applies to engineers only)

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
    The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports, sex, money or sex.
    I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.

    __________________________________________________ _____________


    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
    I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.
    Either pair of shoes is fine.
    With the belt or without it, looks fine.
    It does not make your butt look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that.
    Your hair is fine.
    You look fine.
    Can we just go now?

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
    Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
    "The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield, and government to gain ground."

    - Thomas Jefferson

    "I'm the arrow, you're my bow, shoot me forth and I will go"

    "Do not let any individual posts put a knot in your Big Boy Under-Roos"

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    That was great! Thanks for sharing.
    DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.

    Certified Instructor for Minnesota Carry Permit
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    Senior Member Array cmidkiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CT-Mike View Post
    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead. (applies to engineers only)
    Guy is seriously in need of a PVR. You can search the house for hours... the show will be ready and waiting when you find it :)

    Quote Originally Posted by CT-Mike View Post
    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
    The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports, sex, money or sex.
    I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
    I might be thinking about guns, or politics, and I'm relatively unlikely to be thinking about cars. Every guy's got their own interests, after all.
    Liberty is an inherently offensive lifestyle. Living in a free society guarantees that each one of us will see our most cherished principles and beliefs questioned and in some cases mocked. It's worth it.

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    Senior Member Array bobcat35's Avatar
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    exactly!!
    "Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result."
    -Winston Churchill
    Every well-bred petty crook knows: the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.
    -Inara, firefly

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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CT-Mike View Post
    Because I'm A Man

    We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
    ROTFLMAO ! haha.....
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

  7. #6
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    Because I am a man I never ask for directions, doesn't matter if it's a city street of lonesome dirt road.

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    VIP Member Array glock27mark's Avatar
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    that awesome, i'm going write that down and picture frame
    it on the wall.
    (SHERIFF BUFORD T. JUSTICE) "what the hell is
    the world coming too"

    NRA LIFE MEMBER

    U.S. ARMY FT.SILL, OKLA.

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    Mark Twain:
    The government is merely a servant -- merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a
    patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

  10. #9
    88m
    88m is offline
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    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
    For all I know, these are the same thing.
    that's me ayup.

    but at least I know how to cook from the 3 major food groups : canned , Instant and Take out
    “The will to survive is not as important as the will to prevail... the answer to criminal aggression is retaliation.” Jeff Cooper

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    Senior Member Array allenruger's Avatar
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    It's like they read my mind. Freaky! The one about guys standing around looking at an engine, drinking beer and breaking wind... DEAD ON!
    Allen

    -"I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, 'cause it's going to be empty." -Clint Smith

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