Something For Euclidean

Something For Euclidean

This is a discussion on Something For Euclidean within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; The Teachers' Lounge 03-Sep-05 Welcome to The Teachers' Lounge. Enjoy jokes and true stories from the classroom. The content is not meant to offend anyone. ...

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Thread: Something For Euclidean

  1. #1
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    Array acparmed's Avatar
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    Something For Euclidean

    The Teachers' Lounge
    03-Sep-05



    Welcome to The Teachers' Lounge. Enjoy jokes and true stories from the classroom. The content is not meant to offend anyone.



    õõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõ
    Bumper sticker of the year:
    If you can read this, thank a teacher
    õõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõ



    Definition

    TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

    PUPIL: A teacher.

    from Delores


    õõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõõ

    Empty!

    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said.

    "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."



    õõõõõõõõõ


    A Dollar

    The teacher asks, “ If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?” Vincent raised his hand and answered, “One dollar.” The teacher shook her head. “You don’t know your math.” Vincent said, “ You don’t know my father.”

    from Joy



    õõõõõõõõõ


    Really?

    Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.

    My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.

    "What are all these books?" he asked.

    Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias.

    "Really?" he said. "You mean someone printed out the whole thing?!"



    õõõõõõõõõ



    Little Johnny at his best..

    TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math's sums on the floor?

    L-JOHNNY: You told me to do it without using tables!



    õõõõõõõõõ


    Deep Thoughts

    These are from an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts"
    by Jack Handey


    "I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?"
    -Age 15

    "It sure would be nice if we got an extra day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends."
    -Age 8

    "I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween."
    -Age 13

    "For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out."
    -Age 6

    "When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell."
    -Age 5

    "If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine, how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started."
    -Age 15
    Heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it has to be done, regardless of the consequences

    "I like when the enemy shoots at me; then I know where the ******** are and can kill them."
    ~George Patton

    DE OPPRESSO LIBER


  2. #2
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    Oldie But Goodie Blackboard Wisdom.

    Great acparmed!



    One More For Euclidean:
    Last edited by QKShooter; September 4th, 2005 at 10:30 AM.

  3. #3
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    Hahaha - good stuff Bob - and this one is great but with a certain edge of current affairs irony if viewed as such -
    "If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine, how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started."
    QK - had to snag that second pic - love it!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    I've seen most of this kind of stuff but these are new on me... I especially like that second picture with the fellow hanging himself on the radical sign.

    This is a horribly cynical piece in some respects but it's so funny:

    YOU MUST BE EMPLOYED BY A SCHOOL IF.....

    > 1. You believe the playground should be equipped with
    > a Ritalin salt lick.
    >
    > 2. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be
    > nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
    >
    > 3. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever
    > looking outside.
    >
    > 4. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own
    > box in the report card.
    >
    > 5. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you
    > if anyone says"Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
    >
    > 6. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your
    > fingers at children you do not know and correct their
    > behavior.
    >
    > 7. You have no social life between August and June.
    >
    > 8. Marking all A's on report cards would make your
    > life SO much easier.
    >
    > 9. You think people should be required to get a
    > government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
    >
    > 10. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to
    > reproduce.
    >
    > 11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the
    > staff room as the "lounge".
    >
    > 12. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into
    > charter schools or home schooling.
    >
    > 13. You can't have children because there's no name
    > you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high
    > blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
    >
    > 14. You think caffeine should be available in
    > intravenous form.
    >
    > 15. You know you are in for a major project when a
    > parent says,"I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I
    > think it would be such fun."
    >
    > 16. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the
    > question, "Why is this kid like this?"

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