Do the math

This is a discussion on Do the math within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I hesitate to post funnies from emails as, more often than not everyone has seen them already. I don't remember seeing this before but apologies ...

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Thread: Do the math

  1. #1
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    Do the math

    I hesitate to post funnies from emails as, more often than not everyone has seen them already.

    I don't remember seeing this before but apologies to those who have.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    You Do The Math...

    ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

    Smart man + smart woman = romance

    Smart man + dumb woman = affair

    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    ______________________________

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC

    Smart boss + smart employee = profit

    Smart boss + dumb employee = production

    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

    _____________________________

    SHOPPING MATH

    A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

    _____________________________

    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    _____________________________

    HAPPINESS

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
    little.

    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
    understand her at all.

    ______________________________

    LONGEVITY

    Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
    more willing to die.

    ______________________________

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    _____________________________

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

    A woman has the last word in any argument.

    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    _____________________________

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
    cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
    the same thing to them at funerals.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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  3. #2
    JD
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    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    I especially liked the last one. Thanks!
    Cheers,
    Rod
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

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    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

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    Member Array Magilla82ABN's Avatar
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    That was the laugh I needed THanks
    SAPPERS BREACH BUTT NAKED

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    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Haven't seen this one. Worse yet, it's as true as it is funny!
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

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    Member Array madmunky40's Avatar
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    to true...
    "It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep."
    - Italian proverb

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array cmidkiff's Avatar
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    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
    I really like that one :) I'd use it myself, but I married long ago.
    Liberty is an inherently offensive lifestyle. Living in a free society guarantees that each one of us will see our most cherished principles and beliefs questioned and in some cases mocked. It's worth it.

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    I liked it...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    NRA Life Member[/B]

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    Distinguished Member Array Gunnutty's Avatar
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    Hadn't seen it. Great!!
    We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array walvord's Avatar
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    All very true - that's what makes them funny.
    The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
    - Winston Churchill
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    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    Thanks Chris, I am sending it to my wife. Wait, no I'm not!
    John
    Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    "Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party

    Lifetime NRA member

  14. #13
    Member Array MadDog's Avatar
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    How true.

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