You might be a Mall Ninja if...

This is a discussion on You might be a Mall Ninja if... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; 1. You like Glocks, but think that Hi-Points are the bomb. 2. You tell all your friends to "stay chromed" until you see them again. ...

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Thread: You might be a Mall Ninja if...

  1. #1
    Member Array Risque007's Avatar
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    You might be a Mall Ninja if...

    1. You like Glocks, but think that Hi-Points are the bomb.

    2. You tell all your friends to "stay chromed" until you see them again.

    3. You really think taking sniper rounds to the body while holding ceramic plates over your head sounds like a good plan.

    4. You find yourself shunning Playboy and Girls Gone Wild for Quartermaster and COPS.

    5. Your golf cart is camouflaged.

    6. You carry an enormous amount of duct tape purely for chroming purposes.

    7. You official job title is "security guard"; your personal job title is "The Protector"

    8. You call everyone who doesn't dress in BDUs and ride in tactical golf carts "sheeple."

    9. Your wet dreams involve choking shoplifters

    10. Toddlers with backpacks freak you out -- you never know when one is going to turn out to be a heat-packing midget intent on hijacking the mortal combat game.

    11. You really do use askaninja.com for all your big decisions


    This is what I could come up with, guys. Got any others to add to the list?
    A man without a blackthorn stick is a man without an expedient. - Irish Proverb

    Why so SERIOUS?

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  3. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Reborn's Avatar
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    12. Gun oil is your favorite after shave.
    Psalms 144:1
    Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
    Senior Instructor for Tactical and Defensive of Texas
    http://www.tac-def-tx.com/
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    Retired LEO
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  4. #3
    VIP Member Array AZ Husker's Avatar
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    You have more airsoft and paintball equipment than leather.
    Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.

  5. #4
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Your 'throwing stars' make convient, tactical Christmas tree decorations.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array AZ Husker's Avatar
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    You spend more time on video games than dry firing.
    Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array BigEFan's Avatar
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    When someone says they have a 1911 you think they are referring to their score on Halo 3.

    You refer to magazines as clips and argue with anyone who tries to point out the difference.

    You think "Colt Commander" refers to a new style of tactical underwear!

    You think your 45GAP has replaced Dirty Harry's most powerful handgun in the world.

    You failed to notice that the movie "Super Troopers" is making fun of you!
    Lex et Libertas — Semper Vigilo, Fortis, Paratus, et Fidelis!

    "Not only do the people who put their lives on the line to protect the rest of us deserve better, we all deserve better than to have our own security undermined by those who undermine law enforcement." -Thomas Sowell

  8. #7
    Distinguished Member Array SonofASniper's Avatar
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    You carry more knives on you than ammo.

    For every three knives you have, two of them are stamped "Pakistan".

    One of the knives is a cheap butterfly knife that you keep flipping out to demonstrate your deployement skills to no one in particular.

    You wear 5.11 tactical bdu pants with the knee pads in all the time so that your always prepared.

    You proclaim to everyone that you wear 5.11 pants because they do such a great job concealing your firearm (negating the whole concept of concealed).

    Sadly, the person who I am describing is a firearms instructer.

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array matiki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonofASniper View Post

    Sadly, the person who I am describing is a firearms instructer.


    I know two of them. One teaches H2H, the other tactical carbine.

    You might be a mall ninja if:

    - You carry an air-soft BUG since you can't afford a real one

    - You have a pair of boot knives in each combat boot

    - You have a pair of throwing knives strapped to each forearm

    - You find yourself explaining the tactical application of steak knives to anyone who cannot escape your attention
    "Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must." - The Duke of Wellington

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array aus71383's Avatar
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    You are under minimum or over maximum weight standards for the military....and you're under 25.

    You have more video games than guns.

    You have more airsoft guns than you have real guns.

    You have more knives than you have magazines.

    You have more magazines than you can fill with ammo.

    You could not hit the broad side of a barn from the inside with a scoped rifle.

    Austin

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array stanislaskasava's Avatar
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    You refer to your garage as 'The Kill House'.

    Your web site shows videos of you and your friends playing with tactical gear accompanied by a soundtrack of thrash metal.

  12. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    12. Gun oil is your favorite after shave.
    Hey wait a minute! My wife loves the smell of Hoppes #9!
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    Your duty weapon is a paintball gun, labelled "The Enforcer".
    Cheers,
    Rod
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

  14. #13
    Distinguished Member Array Reborn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atctimmy View Post
    Hey wait a minute! My wife loves the smell of Hoppes #9!
    That's cool as long as you like the smell of what she is wearing.
    Psalms 144:1
    Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
    Senior Instructor for Tactical and Defensive of Texas
    http://www.tac-def-tx.com/
    CHL INSTRUCTOR
    Retired LEO
    NRA member
    TCHA member

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