Important New Scientific Breakthrough: Discovery of a new element

Important New Scientific Breakthrough: Discovery of a new element

This is a discussion on Important New Scientific Breakthrough: Discovery of a new element within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Important New Scientific Breakthrough: Discovery of a new element A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to ...

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Array flagflyfish's Avatar
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    Important New Scientific Breakthrough: Discovery of a new element

    Important New Scientific Breakthrough: Discovery of a new element

    A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
    heaviest element yet known to science.

    The new element has been named Governmentium (Gv)- it has one neutron, 25
    assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
    giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
    surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

    Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,
    because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

    A minute amount of Governmentium can cause an action that would normally take
    less than a second to take over four days to complete.

    Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead
    undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
    deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
    increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become
    neutrons, forming isodopes.

    This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
    Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
    hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with
    money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element that radiates just as
    much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many
    morons.
    "These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier
    and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the
    service of his country; but he that stands it now, deserves the
    love and thanks of man and woman."

    -- Thomas Paine (The American Crisis, No. 1, 19 December 1776)


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    Thats too funny, and way too true.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

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  3. #3
    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    Right on---right on!

  4. #4
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    Gv will grow exponentially in the presence of the element Mo (money).
    The two should be kept as far apart as possible.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Array Arkie's Avatar
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    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now that was Funny!!!

  6. #6
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    Sounds real to me...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    Member Array RebelKangaroo's Avatar
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    Too bad it has no practical applications either. I think you'd have to strip it in half to use it for anything useful.

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array packinnova's Avatar
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    Now that was funny!
    "My God David, We're a Civilized society."

    "Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the crap out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
    -The Mist (2007)

  9. #9
    Member Array One of Many's Avatar
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    An even newer element named Unobtainium has been discovered. This element seems to exist only in close proximity to Governmentium, and is inextricably bound to Governmentium. The element Unobtainium is invisible to every known detection device, and was discovered by theoretical Mythicists observing the strange forces exerted by morons, which attract peons to Governmentium. The attraction of peons to morons appears to be a function of the amount of Unobtainium available in the bond to Governmentium. Unobtainium acts like an accelerant in attracting peons to morons; in fact that increase in the rate of attraction led to the discovery of Unobtainium.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array deadeye72's Avatar
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    I am laughing my critical morass off.
    Glock 27
    BENELLI NOVA

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