Those are good.
This is a discussion on Points to Ponder (When You Have Nothing Better to Do) within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? ...
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear
him, is he still wrong?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.
And, my favorite:
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Last edited by JonInNY; May 28th, 2008 at 03:02 PM.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-- Benjamin Franklin
Those are good.
How come there are so many little horses when all the big horses say neigh?
"Brains before Bullets"
If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
What would chairs look like if your knees bent the other way?
There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.
Who is John Galt?
Look at what just came out of that chickens butt! Wonder what it tastes like?
EOD - Initial success or total failure
Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
If birds can fly, why can't flies bird?
Why is it A bra, but a PAIR of panties?
I'm just one root in a grassroots organization. No one should assume that I speak for the VCDL.
I am neither an attorney-at-law nor I do play one on television or on the internet. No one should assumes my opinion is legal advice.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro
Why do they call them 'apartments' when they are all together?
Proverbs 27:12 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”
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NRA Life Member
From Steven Wright:
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --
I have two very rare photographs.
One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
If we call a fly a fly, why don't we call a fish a swim?
Why do feet smell and noses run?
I American and I Ameriwill!
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If people from Poland are called 'Poles', what should people from Holland be called?
Buttered things always land buttered-side down. Cats always land on their feet. What happens if you drop a cat with butter on it's back?
Law without force is impotent.
Here' the rest of 'em...
Did you ever stop and wonder...
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
How come "phonetically" is spelt with a "ph"?
Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why people say they "slept like a baby", when babies normally wake up every two hours?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
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NRA Life Member