Points to Ponder (When You Have Nothing Better to Do)

This is a discussion on Points to Ponder (When You Have Nothing Better to Do) within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? ...

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 18

Thread: Points to Ponder (When You Have Nothing Better to Do)

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York State
    Posts
    4,207

    Points to Ponder (When You Have Nothing Better to Do)

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
    squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
    horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
    coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
    don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
    are going to look up there anyway?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
    They're both dogs!

    What do you call male ballerinas?

    Why ARE Trix only for kids?

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
    didn't he just buy dinner?

    Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear
    him, is he still wrong?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
    same tune?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
    but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
    at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.

    And, my favorite:

    If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
    Last edited by JonInNY; May 28th, 2008 at 03:02 PM.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    VIP Member Array deadeye72's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Central Mississippi
    Posts
    4,283
    Those are good.
    Glock 27
    BENELLI NOVA

  4. #3
    Senior Member Array Mtbiker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    530
    Quote Originally Posted by JonInNY View Post
    If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear
    him, is he still wrong?

    My wife says "Yes".
    -Biker

  5. #4
    Senior Member Array DrLewall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Drakes Creek, AR
    Posts
    958
    How come there are so many little horses when all the big horses say neigh?
    "Brains before Bullets"

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,894
    If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
    What would chairs look like if your knees bent the other way?
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

  7. #6
    Lead Moderator
    Array rstickle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Laurel, MD
    Posts
    21,804
    Look at what just came out of that chickens butt! Wonder what it tastes like?
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York State
    Posts
    4,207
    Quote Originally Posted by rstickle View Post
    Look at what just came out of that chickens butt! Wonder what it tastes like?
    I'm glad I egged you on to write that! But, (and I'm sure others will weighin on this), the egg does not come from the "butt".
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  9. #8
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258
    Quote Originally Posted by JonInNY View Post


    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
    coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
    One word: Ginger
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  10. #9
    VIP Member
    Array DaveH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SW Virginia
    Posts
    5,036
    Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

    If birds can fly, why can't flies bird?

    Why is it A bra, but a PAIR of panties?
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    I'm just one root in a grassroots organization. No one should assume that I speak for the VCDL.

    I am neither an attorney-at-law nor I do play one on television or on the internet. No one should assumes my opinion is legal advice.

    Veni, Vidi, Velcro

  11. #10
    Moderator
    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    44,682
    Why do they call them 'apartments' when they are all together?
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

    ***********************************
    Certified Glock Armorer
    NRA Life Member[/B]

  12. #11
    Restricted Member Array SelfDefense's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Tucson
    Posts
    2,736
    From Steven Wright:


    I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

    Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?


    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

    Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
    research.

    My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --

    I have two very rare photographs.
    One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
    The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

  13. #12
    VIP Member
    Array atctimmy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    NSA Headquarters
    Posts
    6,408
    If we call a fly a fly, why don't we call a fish a swim?
    Why do feet smell and noses run?
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

  14. #13
    Member Array mtnfreak's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    In a place you've only dreamed of where your soul is always free...
    Posts
    142
    Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    If people from Poland are called 'Poles', what should people from Holland be called?

    Buttered things always land buttered-side down. Cats always land on their feet. What happens if you drop a cat with butter on it's back?
    Law without force is impotent.
    Blaise Pascal

  15. #14
    Moderator
    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    44,682
    Here' the rest of 'em...

    Did you ever stop and wonder...

    Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

    Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

    Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

    Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

    How come "phonetically" is spelt with a "ph"?

    Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why people say they "slept like a baby", when babies normally wake up every two hours?

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

    How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

    If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

    Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

    If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

    How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

    ***********************************
    Certified Glock Armorer
    NRA Life Member[/B]

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Rigby, Idaho
    Posts
    5,142
    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    One word: Ginger
    Everyone knows it was really MaryAnn.
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    USN 78-82/USAF 82-93 Medically Retired
    Desert Shield/Desert Storm
    DAV Life Member
    NRA Life Member

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Something To Ponder!!
    By GunnyBunny in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: March 11th, 2011, 02:20 PM
  2. Home Defense Strategy points to ponder
    By mercop in forum Home (And Away From Home) Defense Discussion
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: January 19th, 2010, 10:12 PM
  3. Something to ponder
    By UnklFungus in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: January 12th, 2010, 03:27 AM
  4. OK... here's something to ponder
    By Huzar in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: September 23rd, 2006, 10:26 PM
  5. Ridemcowboy - 8 points, MI Whitetail 0 points
    By RidemCowboy in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: December 6th, 2005, 02:35 PM