It's BBQ Season

This is a discussion on It's BBQ Season within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; As we enter the summer and BBQ season it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as ...

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Thread: It's BBQ Season

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    It's BBQ Season

    As we enter the summer and BBQ season it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.



    When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:



    Routine...

    (1) The woman buys the food.

    (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.



    Here comes the important part:

    (4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.



    More routine....

    (5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

    (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.



    He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.



    Important again:

    (7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.



    More routine....

    (8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

    (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.



    And most important of all:

    (10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

    (11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, he concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    I'm in Florida. It's always BBQ season...unless there are hurricanes,
    or fires, or thunderstorms....

    As for that other stuff...I have no recollection of such an event, Senator.
    Last edited by miklcolt45; June 5th, 2008 at 08:16 PM. Reason: add a line
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

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    Senior Member Array Pete Zaria's Avatar
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    It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't true.

    On that note, here's a Big Thanks to the wonderful women in our lives that make our summertime grilling addiction possible.

    Peace,
    Pete Zaria.
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    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    I've BBQ'ed when it was snowing outside. I have cover if need be. There is never a wrong time to BBQ. Argh-argh-argh!

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    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    +1 Ram-Rod.
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    Quote Originally Posted by miklcolt45 View Post
    I'm in Florida. It's always BBQ season...unless there are hurricanes,
    or fires, or thunderstorms....
    .
    And the it is BBQ season AFTER the hurricane is over... mostly 'cause the power is out and Spam does taste great on the grill!
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    And the it is BBQ season AFTER the hurricane is over... mostly 'cause the power is out and Spam does taste great on the grill!
    Spam never tastes great.
    Beats starving, but just barely. OMO.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    And the it is BBQ season AFTER the hurricane is over... mostly 'cause the power is out and Spam does taste great on the grill!
    Quote Originally Posted by miklcolt45 View Post
    Spam never tastes great.
    Beats starving, but just barely. OMO.
    Oh, it's not so bad, considering some of the C-Rations and MREs I ate back in the day....
    If the public are bound to yield obedience to laws to which they cannot give their approbation, they are slaves to those who make such laws and enforce them.--Samuel Adams as Candidus, Boston Gazette 20 Jan. 1772

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    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    The only time I don't bbq is when I am too lazy to go get a new propane tank or bag of charcoal. Nothing, imo, tastes better than meat that has seen some fire...
    For any of you who like to do some camping, this is one of the best tasting things I have made. Hard salami (stick kind in thick slices) roasted over an open flame, apple pieces, and cheddar cheese all on your favorite bread. Mmmm...
    Reminds me...time to go backpacking.
    Benjamin Franklin once said, "he that would supplant a little liberty for a little safety deserves neither".

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    Senior Member Array flagflyfish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ram Rod View Post
    I like SPAM, but that website is just .....SO wrong!!
    "These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier
    and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the
    service of his country; but he that stands it now, deserves the
    love and thanks of man and woman."

    -- Thomas Paine (The American Crisis, No. 1, 19 December 1776)

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    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post
    And the it is BBQ season AFTER the hurricane is over... mostly 'cause the power is out and Spam does taste great on the grill!

    Also helps keep the 'after-storm' bug swarm down as well!
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

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    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ram Rod View Post
    Hmm. Must be from Spamelot.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

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    Distinguished Member Array 4my son's Avatar
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    That's pretty funny, and pretty true.

    Okay (slowly peering from behind the grill) I can cook a mean steak (standing tall) but how in the heck do you get the BBQ sauce to thicken up and get all super sticky and gooey without turning your chicken into jerky. (now wincing a bit) I'll admit, I'm chicken challenged.

    Please help this unfortunate grill beginner's family so they don't have to suffer through eating chicken from the grill that has BBQ sauce that is runny and not oh so gooey and stuck to the chicken with the adhesion of an industrial grade glue.
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4my son View Post
    That's pretty funny, and pretty true.

    Okay (slowly peering from behind the grill) I can cook a mean steak (standing tall) but how in the heck do you get the BBQ sauce to thicken up and get all super sticky and gooey without turning your chicken into jerky. (now wincing a bit) I'll admit, I'm chicken challenged.

    Please help this unfortunate grill beginner's family so they don't have to suffer through eating chicken from the grill that has BBQ sauce that is runny and not oh so gooey and stuck to the chicken with the adhesion of an industrial grade glue.
    In my experience, it's best to wait until the last turn on each side to put on the barbecue sauce, but everyone has a different way of working, I'm sure. Good luck!

    Grilled hamburgers and hot dogs tonight....
    If the public are bound to yield obedience to laws to which they cannot give their approbation, they are slaves to those who make such laws and enforce them.--Samuel Adams as Candidus, Boston Gazette 20 Jan. 1772

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