What is your favorite blond joke? (Merged)

This is a discussion on What is your favorite blond joke? (Merged) within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Here are a few of mine: Hear about the blond that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play ...

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Thread: What is your favorite blond joke? (Merged)

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    What is your favorite blond joke? (Merged)

    Here are a few of mine:

    Hear about the blond that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

    -------------------------------------

    What happened to the blond ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring training.

    -------------------------------------

    A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

    The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

    The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

    "Alright. How long do you need them?"

    The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

    ------------------------------

    There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blond.

    After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

    Nearly 4 hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

    When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."

    ---------------------------------------------

    A blond, a brunette and a redhead apply for a position at a large company.

    First the brunette goes in. The guy looks over her application and asks her one question: "How many D's are there in 'Bonanza'?"

    The brunette replies, "None."

    The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room for the next stage of the interviewing process."

    The redhead goes in next. The guy asks her the same question: "How many D's are in 'Bonanza'?"

    She replies, "None."

    The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room."

    The Blonde goes in and he asks the same question: "How many D's are in 'Bonanza'?"

    After counting on her fingers for a few minutes the blond replies: "77."

    The guy in shock asks her how she came up with 77. She says:
    "Dun da da dun dun da dun dun da da" (the Bonanza theme)...

    --------------------------

    OK. That is enough for now.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    3 women were caught by guerella's in So America, and put in front of a firing squad, as they wanted no witnesses on their location left alive. They were a Brunette, Redhead and a blonde.

    The brunette was lined up in front of the firing squad and they asked if she had any last words.... she yelled out "earthquake" , and as the firing squad turned to look .. she ran away.

    The Redhead was lined up by the squad ... and they asked if she had any last words.... she yelled "tornado" , and as the firing squad turned to look, she ran away.

    The Blond was lined up in front of the firing squad , and they asked if she had any last words...... she yelled "FIRE".

  4. #3
    Member Array Timor's Avatar
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    Two blondes ran into a building.




    You'd have thought at least one of them would have seen it.
    "If you can't place your shots on a non-moving piece of paper, how much more difficult will it be when that piece of paper becomes a 3-time felon whose sole purpose is to avoid going back to prison no matter what happens and no matter who gets in the way?"

    Taken from a posting by "Deadmeat 2"

  5. #4
    Member Array JoshL's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the blond terrorist that tried to blow up a school bus?




    She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Sig 210's Avatar
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    A brunette made several trips to the Dr. complaining that she hurt all over. Finally the Dr. gave her a very long and thorough examination.

    Dr: Touch your thigh.
    Brunette: Man that hurts.
    Dr: Touch your arm.
    Brunette: Ouch!!!

    After having the lady touch herself in several other locations the Dr. started examining her head.

    Dr: Aha, I've got the answer.
    Brunette: What is the matter with me?
    Dr: Just discovered that you have blond roots, you have a broken finger.

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array randy7601's Avatar
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    A blond calls the fire department "Help! My house is on fire, you've got to come quick!"

    The dispatcher tries to calm her "Don't worry ma'am, just tell us how to get there."

    She replies "Duh! Big red truck!!"

    Randy
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    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

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    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    Three blond women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came across a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him.

    The first blond woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brunette and she swims off the island.

    The second blond woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. She is instantly turned into a red-head. She then builds a boat and sails off the island.

    The third blond asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The genie turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

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    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Why do blondes wear ponytails?











    To hide the valve stem.

  10. #9
    Member Array Homer1's Avatar
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    The best blond joke ever

    What do you call a smart blond





    A Golden Retriever

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homer1 View Post
    The best blond joke ever

    What do you call a smart blond





    A Golden Retriever
    George

    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array paramedic70002's Avatar
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    What's a blond's mating call?

    I'm drunk!

    What's a brunette's mating call?

    Is that blond bimbo gone yet?
    Last edited by Captain Crunch; June 28th, 2008 at 01:18 AM. Reason: Sanitized a profanity workaround.
    "Each worker carried his sword strapped to his side." Nehemiah 4:18

    Guns Save Lives. Paramedics Save Lives. But...
    Paramedics With Guns Scare People!

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    Talking 17 days... (warning Blondie joke)

    Two young blonde gals are sitting at a table in a coffee shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them something to drink. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

    Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  14. #13
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    That one went to my JDL ("Joke Distribution List").

    Very good.

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array deadeye72's Avatar
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    That one was good.
    Glock 27
    BENELLI NOVA

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    A police officer pulls up and hits his red light........ a woman is in her car lerching forward, then abruptly stopping, lerching forward and stopping... lerching forward and then stopping.......



    It was a blond in the car, at an intersection with a blinking red light.

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