This is a discussion on What Not to Say to a LEO When Stopped within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer. The following exchange took place. The man says, "What's ...
A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police
officer. The following exchange took place. The man says, "What's the
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight."
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks." (The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-- Benjamin Franklin
More Things Not To Say to Police Officers:
Are you Andy or Barney?
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I pay your salary!
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pansy!
Come on write the dang ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my licence and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
"Bad Cop! No Doughnut!"
Didn't I see you get beat up on "COPS" last week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
An officer pulls over a racing BMW, and tells the blonde at the wheel "Ma'am my radar clocked you at 75 miles an hour". Her response: "Oh, Officer, that's impossible! I've only been on the road for 10 minutes!"
There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.
Who is John Galt?
How can the limit be 65? I was at 90 at least. Not much of a limit is it!
That one's new to me... and brought a genuine smile to my face this morning. Thanks!Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
Liberty is an inherently offensive lifestyle. Living in a free society guarantees that each one of us will see our most cherished principles and beliefs questioned and in some cases mocked. It's worth it.
Ironically.... I had a woman about ran me off the road, clipped my mirror and broke it... but did no other damage. I stopped. The woman wanted the police there and was rather "aggressive" . So, I said fine with me and called them..... as this woman was a concern.
2 Police women show up.... oh damn.... and they start listening to the woman's story..... and they are buying into every bit of "the lies" and giving this fellow woman... the benefit of the doubt. I couldn't believe all the stuff she was making up. These 2 female Officers are getting angry, as the woman starts claiming I called her names....... (ok, I think the truth is not going to do me any good at this point....as I didn't call her any names, etc).
That is, until her 10 yr old daughter sitting in her van says .... "Mommy... he didn't call you any names, he didn't do.... and he didn't do that either... and Mommy.... why are you lying to the POLICE ? ".
The Police ... shut the woman up, listened to the daughter, then decided to listen to me.... with me pointing out why what she said couldn't have happened... go look at where the broken glass, etc. are... blah blah blah. Which they check and find to all be supported by the evidence.
Ok... now the Police were ready to haul her off for "lying to the Police and making a false report".
Whew. If it had been only my word against hers.... I'ld probably been in jail by the time that woman got done.
Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it.
“We are not retreating—we are advancing in another direction.”
General Douglas MacArthur
officer, you would not have a bong by any chance, would you?
Listen here Flat foot!!! May not be the best thing to say either
I had a real run in with our own Barny Fife Sunday evening. Tried to tell me that I couldn't shoot my rifle in the country. I didn't know if there had been any law changes so I decided to keep my mouth shut and quit shooting for the evening. After spending the past 2 day checking out all the Oklahoma laws involving shooting on your own property I called Sheriff Lavick (Jackson County) and brought to his attention what his deputy told me. He said there is no problem shooting in the country as long as you know where your bullet is going and have a good back stop and of course don't shoot across the road. He is going to have a talk with the offending deputy because being able to shoot in the country is one reason that he lives in the country. So I guess for now I'm good to go and there is one deputy that is going to get his butt chewed over this.
Life member NRA since 1983
I carry a Colt Delta Elite 10mm in Milt Sparks VM2 with 2 extra magazines on my belt. This is normally worn on a belt under my bib overalls and works great for me. My wife carries a Walther PPS .40 w/Crossbreed holster.