Male vs. Female at the ATM

This is a discussion on Male vs. Female at the ATM within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without ...

Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Male vs. Female at the ATM

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Array gimpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,023

    Male vs. Female at the ATM

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


    'Please note that this Bank is installing new
    Drive-through ATM machines enabling
    customers to withdraw cash without leaving
    their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are
    requested to use the procedures outlined
    below when accessing their accounts.

    After months of careful research,
    MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
    developed.
    Please follow the Appropriate steps for
    your gender.'

    ************ ********* ********* *
    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1 Drive up to the cash machine.
    2 Put down your car window.
    3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6 Put window up.
    7 Drive off.


    ************ ********* ********* *


    FEMALE PROCEDURE:


    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required
    amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on
    to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call
    them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow easier access
    to machine due to its excessive distance
    from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary
    with your PIN written on the inside
    back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet
    and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register
    and place receipt in back of checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet..
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder,
    and place card into the slot provided!
    23 Give dirty look to irate male driver
    waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.

    "Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. It undergoes continual change; but this change is not [an improvement]. For everything that is given, something is taken."
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    Member Array MuddyAlaskanZJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Anchorage, Alaska
    Posts
    48
    Good one!

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    2,955
    It is a good thing this forum is populated mostly by men, or I think you would be dead by now....no wait, insert magazine into gun first, rack slide....oh never mind.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

  5. #4
    VIP Member
    Array nn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    7,120
    I'd laugh if it wasn't so

  6. #5
    VIP Member
    Array Miggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Miami-Dade, FL
    Posts
    6,258
    Quote Originally Posted by nn View Post
    I'd laugh if it wasn't so
    ...true?
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  7. #6
    Member Array artemis28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    145
    I know women like that! Glad I'm not one of them.

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Shelby County TN
    Posts
    11,111


    Oh man, that is almost too true to be funny but it sure is funny!!
    ,=====o00o _
    //___l__,\____\,__
    l_--- \___l---[]lllllll[]
    (o)_)-o- (o)_)--o-)_)

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Rigby, Idaho
    Posts
    5,142
    Pretty good stuff
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    USN 78-82/USAF 82-93 Medically Retired
    Desert Shield/Desert Storm
    DAV Life Member
    NRA Life Member

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array friesepferd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    east TN
    Posts
    2,341
    hahaha. that was great
    being a woman myself, there is nothing better than good jokes mocking woman drivers
    although i have no problem mocking myself as well, i thank god that i am not like that. not only can i correctly stear and drive my car and know my pin number, but i also do not own a purse. so no pointing figers this direction this time!
    Wo die Notwehr aufhört, fängt der Mord an
    (Murder begins where self-defense ends)
    Georg Büchner

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Male vs. Female at the ATM
    By Katana in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: October 31st, 2009, 12:09 PM
  2. Male or Female
    By ExactlyMyPoint in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: February 7th, 2008, 11:51 PM
  3. Non-Male with firearm
    By KenpoTex in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: August 28th, 2006, 05:53 PM
  4. Gun non-male :)
    By blueyedevil in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: July 11th, 2006, 08:12 PM
  5. Non~Male Gun Person NEEDS HELP!
    By QKShooter in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: July 20th, 2005, 01:24 PM