Growing older -- "A Journey Into My Colon ... And Yours" by Dave Barry

This is a discussion on Growing older -- "A Journey Into My Colon ... And Yours" by Dave Barry within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; And l took them at there word l had it done in the morning and was assured l could work that evening . So off ...

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Thread: Growing older -- "A Journey Into My Colon ... And Yours" by Dave Barry

  1. #16
    Member Array Draco's Avatar
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    I to am a vet of the miles and miles of hose procedure

    And l took them at there word l had it done in the morning and was assured l could work that evening . So off l went a midnight to do my route (l'm a truck driver)
    By my third stop my company called and asked for me to wait at the stop they sent out two drivers one to finish the route and one to take me home as l was in the wrong city at the wrong customer so they paid me as not to do any more harm.
    when they say you can go to work a few hours after the procedure for those who haven't had it done it yet just stay at home and eat couple of burgers and watch tv.
    It is not wrong to be Right
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  3. #17
    VIP Member Array deadeye72's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rock and Glock View Post
    The Trilyte Sol is Four Litres. Shake it every time, vigorously so the solution stays mixed. Follow each glass with sips of whatever (Seven-Up was yummy).

    You get very bloated....but that passes......

    That's funny. I was supposed to go get one last year. I have been putting it off, but I think I am going to finally have to go. I am only 36, but have a family history. My Grandfathers doctor told him that his family needed to start getting them done at 35. Not something I am really looking forward to, but it beats the alternative.
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  4. #18
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rock and Glock View Post
    The Trilyte Sol is Four Litres.

    You get very bloated....but that passes......
    So, you survive the Trilyte evening, only to have complications on the probe table due to the heart drowning in fluids. Is that all?

    Makes the old "turn head / cough" routine sound meek by comparison.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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  5. #19
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Seriously I turned 50 last december,and I been putting it off but due to this thread I think I'm gonna make an appointment,Is it a little easier if you take your doctor out to dinner first,I was never into the one night stand thing
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
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  6. #20
    Senior Member Array Sky Pilot's Avatar
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    As a member of the "Cleanout Club" I can add two things:
    1) Just before I went in to have this done, the nurse (who knew me) assured me that I would wake up after it was all over and tell her "Okay, y'all can start now." (Made mental note to self: say no such thing!) Sure enough when I said "Okay, y'all can start now" they laughed and said I was done, and several other things, but as I was listening to "Yellow Submarine" without benefit of any audio playback equipment, the good wife took note of the doctor's verbal report (found nothing) and instructions (take him home and put him to bed).
    While the good physician was dictating instructions, I was giggling and petting an invisible dust bunny beside my pillow.
    2) When next I undergo this procedure I will most assuredly add vodka to the formulation, as well as a seat belt. The comparison with the Space Shuttle at liftoff is particularly apropos!
    "Deine Papieren bitte?" or "ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ !"
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  7. #21
    Member Array Sonic Misfit's Avatar
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    I have had one every two or three years since I turned 45. The reason is that I have extreme diverticulosis and suffered a perforated colon about 11 years ago.

    They aren't too bad as long as you remember to make the prep liquid as cold as possible. Mix it up ahead of time and chill it well. Of course the vodka can be kept in the freezer to help things chill off quickly.

  8. #22
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Sooo, the consensus is: nothin' to it, hm?
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    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  9. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by dukalmighty View Post
    Seriously I turned 50 last december,and I been putting it off but due to this thread I think I'm gonna make an appointment,Is it a little easier if you take your doctor out to dinner first,I was never into the one night stand thing
    When you go, tell him 'ret' sent you...you could get a 'four-foot discount'...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  10. #24
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    I have to tell you guys that are planning the procedure for the first time, make sure that you will be 'all the way' under.

    My first time, I think I was a little groggy and I remember the doctor whispering something in the nurse's ear. In a short time, she returned with a beer on a tray.
    The doctor became a little irritated and said, "I asked for a butt light!"
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  11. #25
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    Um, can I say I am glad I am only 34? I hope within the next 15 years they come up with an X-Ray version of this.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

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  12. #26
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    The doctor became a little irritated and said ...
    Just for you, ret:
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    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  13. #27
    Senior Member Array TheShadow's Avatar
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    With the passing of Tony Snow last weekend I think it should get some
    of you older guys/gals off your backsides and make that appointment!

    Tony was diagnosed in February 2005 when he was only 49.

    I had mine done at 49 years old... the Dr found and removed a couple polyps
    and like the others said "it's no big deal" the worst is drinking the lime coolaid

    He recommended I have another in 2010.

  14. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paco View Post
    Um, can I say I am glad I am only 34? I hope within the next 15 years they come up with an X-Ray version of this.
    We're already working on the MRI version.

  15. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paco View Post
    Um, can I say I am glad I am only 34? I hope within the next 15 years they come up with an X-Ray version of this.
    I understand there is a non-invasive procedure to scan for irregularities. The problem is that any questionable anomoly on the scan will cause you to go ahead and get the colonoscopy. Doctors always err on the side of caution.

    The nice thing about the colonoscopy (as if there is anything nice about it) is that polyps can be removed during the procedure rather than having yet another date with the proctologist.

    My doctor enclosed a picture of my colon with my bill.

  16. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by SelfDefense View Post
    My doctor enclosed a picture of my colon with my bill.
    Like a vacation postcard? "Wish you were here".....

    My sister, who had surgery for colon cancer, thought this was hysterical! She called me in tears after she read Barry's piece!

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